Armadebtdon 2011 - Rightans

  • Aired:  07/26/11
  •  | Views: 66,720

John Boehner reveals the Republican plan to destroy government and create a super-race of right-wing Titans. (3:01)

TURN AROUND.

OF COURSE, THE PRESIDENT WAS

ONLY HALF OF THE EVENING'S

ENTERTAINMENT.

THE OPENING ACT, IF YOU WILL,

FOR THE REPUBLICAN RESPONSE

WHICH CAME FROM THE WORLD'S

SADDEST TANGERINE.

(LAUGHTER)

WHEN JOHN BOEHNER SPOKE IT

BECAME CLEAR THAT WHILE WE MAY

BE SCRAPING THE DEBT CEILING, WE

ARE NOWHERE NEAR CLOSE TO

RUNNING OUT OF CLICHES.

>> IN WASHINGTON MORE SPENDING

AND MORE DEBT IS BUSINESS AS

USUAL.

WELL, I'VE GOT NEWS FOR

WASHINGTON: THOSE DAYS ARE OVER.

THE PRESIDENT HAS OFTEN SAID WE

NEED A BALANCED APPROACH WHICH

IN WASHINGTON MEANS WE SPEND

MORE AND YOU PAY MORE.

I'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED THE BIGGER

THE GOVERNMENT THE SMALLER THE

PEOPLE.

>> Jon: WAIT, BIGGER THE

GOVERNMENT, THE SMALLER THE

PEOPLE.

THAT MEANS THE SMALLER THE

GOVERNMENT THE BIGGER THE

PEOPLE.

(LAUGHTER)

WHICH MEANS IF WE GET RID OF

GOVERNMENT WE'LL HAVE GIANT

PEOPLE!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THE REPUBLICAN PLAN IS TO

DESTROY GOVERNMENT AND CREATE A

SUPERRACE OF RIGHT-WING TITANS.

OR RIGHTANS.

(LAUGHTER)

ACTUALLY, THERE WAS ONE LINE IN

JOHN BOEHNER'S SPEECH THAT

JUMPED OUT AT ME.

>> HERE IS A PRESIDENT ASKING

FOR THE LARGEST DEBT INCREASE IN

AMERICAN HISTORY ON THE HEELS OF

THE LARGEST SPENDING BINGE IN

AMERICAN HISTORY.

>> Jon: WHICH CAME ON THE

HEELS OF AN ALMOST ABSURDLY

RECKLESS DECADE WITH UNFUNDED

WARS IN IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN AND

UNFUNDED TRILLION-DOLLAR MEDICAL

PRESCRIPTION BILL AND TAX CUTS

FOR THE WELL THEY ARE THE

LARGEST SINGLE POLICY

CONTRIBUTOR TO OUR DEFICIT.

IN FACT, I MYSELF VOTED FOR ALL

OF THESE... BACK TO MY ORIGINAL

POINT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

OBAMA!

NOW, LOOK, I'M NOT AN ECONOMIST,

BUT I DO HAVE ONE AREA OF

EXPERTISE THAT I BELIEVE I CAN

REFUTE SPEAKER BOEHNER ON.

>> HERE'S WHAT WE GOT FOR THAT

MASSIVE SPENDING BINGE.

A NEW HEALTH CARE BILL THAT MOST

AMERICANS NEVER ASKED FOR.

A STIMULUS BILL THAT'S MORE

EFFECTIVE IN PRODUCING MATERIAL

FOR LATE-NIGHT COMEDIANS THAN IT

WAS IN PRODUCING JOBS.

(AUDIENCE REACTS).

>> Jon: NO, THAT IS SO TRUE!

THAT IS SO TRUE!

125 THAT STIMULUS BILL GAVE US

SO MUCH MATERIAL.

HERE'S ANOTHER STIMULUS

HUMDINGER I CAME UP WITH THIS

MORNING WHILE I WAS LISTENING TO

BLOOMBERG RADIO.

"HEY, HOW ABOUT THIS

MANUFACTURING SECTOR WITH

UNDERUTILIZED CAPACITY, HUH?

AM I RIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE

STIMULATING DEMAND THROUGH

INCREASED CREDIT AVAILABILITY OR

JUST CUTTING LOSSES DUE TO

INVENTORY DRAWDOWNS" BOOM!

BOOM!

(LAUGHTER)

ARE YOU KIDDING ME, BOEHNER?

YOU THINK COMEDIANS ENJOY FISCAL

INCOMPETENCE AND BUREAUCRATIC

PARALYSIS?

LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

SEE THIS RIGHT HERE?

(LAUGHTER)

THE GUY IN THE TIGER COSTUME IS

CONGRESSMAN DAVID WU OF OREGON.

APPARENTLY HE RESIGNED TODAY

BECAUSE OF INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL

CONTACT TOWARDS AN 18-YEAR-OLD.

DID I MENTION THAT'S A REAL

PICTURE OF HIM DRESSED LIKE

TIGGER?

(LAUGHTER)

SO LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO

YOU.

YOU REALLY THINK I'M GOING TO

STIMULUS STUFF.

(BLEEP)ING WITH THIS GUY WOULD

BE... HOW DO I PUT THIS?

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