Rash of Penis Photos

  • Aired:  06/07/11
  •  | Views: 251,713

Kristen Schaal says the male urge to share visual penis information has been the driving force behind centuries of technological innovation. (4:56)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK TO THE

PROGRAM.

WE'RE DISCUSSING THE ISSUES OF

THE DAY, SEX SCANDAL AND HEALTH

CARE ISSUES.

FOR MORE, THOUGH ON THE SEX

SCANDAL, THIS BRAVE NEW WORLD OF

PENIS-BASED MESSAGING, WE'RE

JOINED BY SENIOR WOMEN'S ISSUES

CORRESPONDENT KRISTEN SCHAAL.

KRISTEN, WELCOME.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

KRISTEN, RECENTLY WE'VE SEEN

SEVERAL HIGH-PROFILE MALE ORGANS

LEAKED ON THE INTERNET.

(LAUGHTER)

CHRIS BROWN'S, BRETT FAVRE, NOW

CONGRESSMAN WEINER.

DEVIANT?

DISGUSTING?

WHAT'S YOUR REACTION TO THIS

RASH OF PENIS PHOTOS?

>> WELL, JON, I MEAN, IT

DEPENDS.

SOMETIMES MY REACTION IS (GASPS)

AND THEN OTHER TIMES IT'S (OH,

MY GOD)

AND SOMETIMES IT'S LIKE...

(LAUGHTER).

BRAVO, SIR.

BRAVO.

>> Jon: RIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE ISSUE

BEHIND ALL THIS?

>> WELL, JON, SENDING PHOTOS OF

YOUR PENIS CRAZE CAN BE CHALKED

UP TO AN AGE-OLD MISCONCEPTION

THAT WOMEN WANT MORE INFORMATION

ABOUT YOUR PENIS.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THAT SEEING IT WILL MAKE YOU

MORE ATTRACTIVE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: SO... SO THAT IS NOT

THE CASE?

>> NO.

NO.

MEN NEED TO REALIZE THEIR PENIS

HAS FAR MORE POWER OVER THEM

THAN IT DOES OVER US.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IF YOU'RE A SEVEN-TERM

CONGRESSMAN AND A WOMAN STILL

ISN'T INTO YOU, SHOWING HER YOUR

PENIS ISN'T GOING TO CLOSE THE

DEAL.

(LAUGHTER)

OR IN BRETT FAVRE'S CASE, IF

THIS PICTURE DOESN'T WIN HER

HEART, THIS ONE'S NOT GONNA HELP

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: NOW MY EYES ARE

BLEEDING.

(LAUGHTER)

KRISTEN, TO BE FAIR, THOUGH,

SOMETIMES WOMEN SEND MEN RISQUE

PHOTOS AS WELL.

>> WELL, BECAUSE THE FEMALE BODY

IS BEAUTIFUL.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: THAT IS TRUE.

>> YES.

>> Jon: AND PENISES LOOK LIKE

A SPECIES DISCOVERED LIVING ON

THE OCEAN FLOOR NEAR UNDERSEA

SULFUR BEDS.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.

SO OVERALL, YOU'D THEY THE MALE

URGE TO SHARE VISUAL PENIS

INFORMATION HAS HAD A NEGATIVE

AFFECT?

>> NO, NO, NOT AT ALL.

IN FACT, IT'S BEEN THE DRIVING

FORCE BEHIND CENTURIES OF

TECHNOLOGICAL INNOVATIONS.

FOR EXAMPLE, DID YOU KNOW THE

LIGHTBULB WAS FIRST CONCEIVED AS

THE PENIS LAMP?

BECAUSE THOMAS EDISON REALIZED

THERE WERE 12 HOURS OF EVERY DAY

WHEN WOMEN COULDN'T SEE HIS

PENIS.

(LAUGHTER)

AND SOON AFTER THAT CAME THE

PENIS PHONE.

>> Jon: YOU MEAN, OBVIOUSLY,

THE TELEPHONE.

>> YES, AS IT'S KNOWN NOW, OKAY.

(LAUGHTER)

WE ALL REMEMBER ALEXANDER GRAHAM

BELL'S FIRST CALL.

"WATSON, COME HERE, I WANT TO

SEE YOU."

RIGHT?

>> Jon: RIGHT.

>> BUT NOT MANY PEOPLE HAVE

HEARD WHAT CAME BEFORE THAT.

>> HELLO?

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

I'M LOOKING AT MY PENIS RIGHT

NOW.

IT'S LIKE THE HEAD OF A ONE-EYED

VULTURE SITTING ON A WRINKLED

BEANBAG CHAIR.

NO, NO.

IT'S MORE LIKE A PINK TOADSTOOL

GARNISHED WITH SHAVED COCONUT.

I'M NOT DOING IT JUSTICE.

MR. WATSON, COME HERE, I WANT TO

SEE YOU!

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: LET ME ASK YOU, A

VULTURE?

HAVE A HEARD THAT CORRECTLY?

A VULTURE ON A BEANBAG CHAIR?

>> JON, NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO

BE INSECURE.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: SO THERE'S NO

SITUATION WHERE A WOMAN WOULD

ACTUALLY APPRECIATE THE PREVIEW

OR SNEAK PEEK OF A MAN... NOT

UNLESS IT'S BARBED LIKE A

TOMCATS.

(LAUGHTER)

OR COVERED IN RACIST PRISON AT

TATTOOS.

IN THAT CASE YOU MAY WANT TO

GIVE US A HEADS-UP.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT IF AFTER HEARING ALL OF THIS

YOU STILL WANT TO SEND A PHOTO

OF YOUR PENIS, MAKE SURE IT

HIGHLIGHTS THE QUALITIES WOMEN

ARE ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR.

WOMEN WANT A PENIS THAT'S A GOOD

LISTENER.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT WE CAN TAKE HOME TO OUR

PARENTS.

(LAUGHTER)

A PENIS THAT'S PROTECTIVE YET

NURTURING.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THAT WAS AN IMPRESSIVE

PENIS.

>> I KNOW!

>>

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