Indecision 2012 - The Long, Winding, Bumpy-Ass Road to the White House - GOP Response

  • Aired:  02/29/12
  •  | Views: 116,298

John Oliver believes that the Republican primary has been going on for so long that everything that can be said about it has already been said. (4:33)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

SO LAST NIGHT NO QUESTION, BIG

NIGHT FOR MITT ROMNEY, BUT EVEN

IN VICTORY REPUBLICANS ARE

FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO

CELEBRATE, OR EVEN NOT TO MOURN.

>> WE'VE GOT THE FIELD, WE'RE

GOING THROUGH THE STAGES OF

DEATH HERE.

(LAUGHTER)

WE'RE GOING THROUGH ANGER,

DENIAL, BARGAINING.

I THINK WE'RE NOW AT THE

DEPRESSION.

THE NEXT STEP IS ACCEPTANCE.

>> Jon: AND THEN, OF COURSE,

OUR OWN INEVITABLE DECLINE AND

DEATH.

WOW, THAT GUY'S A DOWNER.

NOTHING 15 MINUTES IN THE CUBE

CAN'T FIX.

(LAUGHTER)

STILL, THAT'S CNN, EVERYONE

THERE IS DEPRESSED AND FOR GOOD

REASON.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT... MY GUESS IS THEY REALLY

DON'T CARE FOR US OVER E THERE.

BUT IF YOU WANT THE UNVARNISHED

TAKE ON ROMNEY'S VICTORY, YOU'VE

GOT TO GO TO THE NO-SPIN ZONE.

>> I DON'T THINK ROMNEY WINS IN

MICHIGAN EVEN IF HE WINS IN

MICHIGAN BECAUSE EVERYBODY SAYS

"OOH, HE JUST WON BY A LITTLE.

OOH, OOH, OOH."

AND THEN IF HE LOSES EVERYBODY

GOES WHOA!

>> Jon: OOH OOH OOH, WHOA!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A

BROADCASTING FIRST, FEBRUARY 21

AT 8:15 P.M. EAST COAST TIME,

BILL O'REILLY RAN OUT OF WORDS.

(LAUGHTER)

FOR MORE RETURN TO SENIOR

POLITICAL ANALYST JOHN OLIVER IN

MICHIGAN.

SO, JOHN, THE ANALYSTS SAY THERE

WAS REALLY NOTHING ROMNEY COULD

HAVE DONE LAST NIGHT THAT COULD

HAVE BEEN CONSIDERED A FULL

VICTORY.

DO YOU AGREE WITH THAT?

>> MEH.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THAT WAS UNEQUIVOCALLY

A GOOD NIGHT FOR ROMNEY?

>> HEHH.

>> Jon: SO YOU'RE GOING TO GO

TO GUTTURAL ROUTE?

>> OOH, OOH.

>> Jon: THAT'S IT?

THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE FOR ME?

>> WHAT WOULD YOU PREFER?

AN ELABORATE ANALOGY OF WHAT THE

VICTORY MEANS?

A SERIES OF FORCED METAPHORS, A

POLITICAL HAIKU?

THIS PRIMARY HAS BEEN GOING ON

FOR SO LONG EVERYTHING HAS

ALREADY BEEN SAID!

>> THE WAY I LOOK AT POLITICS IS

THE WAY HEMINGWAY LOOKED AT

MORALITY.

WHAT'S GOOD IS WHAT YOU FEEL

GOOD AFTER.

>> IN ANY KIND OF SOCCER OR

FOOTBALL MATCH OR BASEBALL YOU

WIN... YOU WIN... A WIN IS A

WIN.

>> MADE IT A SYMBOLIC TSUNAMI.

>> LIKE PUTTING A McCOAT ON A

MINK.

>> THEY WERE PLAYING THE MUSIC

FROM "THE NATURAL" IN THIS FILM,

THE OLD ROBERT REDFORD MOVIE.

>> IT REMIND ME OF THE... "LAST

OF THE MOHICANS."

>> THE DEATH STAR IMAGERY IS

VERY APPROPRIATE BECAUSE IT IS

TAKING OUT THAT MOON AND THEN

THAT PLANET TO CLEAR A PATHWAY

TO THE NOMINATION.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: WOW!

AND THAT'S JUST FROM ONE NIGHT?

THAT'S CRAZY.

>> I KNOW!

>> Jon: BECAUSE THE DEATH STAR

WASN'T TRY TO CLEAR A PATHWAY TO

ANYTHING.

THE DEATH STAR BLEW UP THE

PEACEFUL PLANET OF ALDERAAN TO

DEMONSTRATE THAT THE EMPIRE

WAS...

>> ... THE ULTIMATE POWER IN THE

UNIVERSE!

>> Jon: EXACTLY!

A RIDICULOUS METAPHOR.

>> NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT

THE DEATH STAR WAS A MONEY PIT.

>> Jon: THERE'S NO WAY IT

WOULD HAVE BEEN SUSTAINABLE.

AND VULNERABLE?

WHERE WAS THE SECURITY?

THE WEAK POINT WAS ONLY THE SIZE

OF A WOMP RAT ON TATTOOINE BUT

TWO METERS IS TWO METERS, RIGHT?

>> I KNOW!

BUT THE POINT IS, JON, WITH ALL

THE HOURS OF TALK, NOTHING I

HEARD LAST NIGHT MADE ANY MORE

SENSE THAN WHEN O'REILLY SAID--

AND I'M QUOTING HERE-- EWW.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: YOU REALLY THINK YOU

CAN GIVE AN ACCURATE, INFORMED

ANALYSIS GUTTURALLY THROUGH

SOUND?

>> EASY, EASY.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

WELL WE KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT

MITT ROMNEY.

>> EH.

>> Jon: WHAT ABOUT

STPHRO +*ERPL.

>> EWW.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: SOUTHERN STATES ARE IN

PLAY ON SUPERTUESDAY.

CAN'T RULE OUT GINGRICH.

>> AY YAI!

>> Jon: WHAT ABOUT RON PAUL.

>> UH-UH.

UH-UH.

>> Jon: HE'S POLLING BETTER

THAN ANY OTHER CANDIDATE AGAINST

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.

>> UH-HUH.

THERE WE GO.

>> Jon: OF COURSE, MAINSTREAM

ESTABLISHMENT DOESN'T SEEM TO...

>> EW.

>> Jon: SO WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED

TO TALK ABOUT RON PAUL.

>> NAH.

SEE, JON, THIS DOES WORK,

DOESN'T IT?

OH, OH, HUH?

>> Jon: OH!

>> AH!

>> Jon: A HA!

>> MEOW, MEOW.

(LAUGHTER)

(HONKING)

>> Jon: JOHN OLIVER,

EVERYBODY.

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