Sisters Act

  • Aired:  01/06/14
  •  | Views: 65,673

The Obama administration clashes with Catholic nuns over birth control provisions in the Affordable Care Act. (3:57)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

YOU KNOW, MY FAVORITE THINGABOUT GETTING A LONG BREAK IS

YOU GET A LITTLE DISTANCE FROMTHE NEWS CYCLE BECAUSE IT THAT

LETS THAT RAGE TUMOR IN MY BRAINSHRINK SLIGHTLY.

I JUST HOPE I DIDN'T MISSANYTHING BIG WHILE WE WERE GONE.

>> THERE'S A DEVELOPMENT IN THEWHITE HOUSE BATTLE AGAINST NUNS.

>> Jon: WHAT?

WHOA!

WAIT, WHAT THE -- WHO?

WHAT?

THE WHITE HOUSE IS FIGHTINGNUNS?

BASTARDOS.

UNLESS THESE MUST BE TERRIBLENUNS FOR OUR EXECUTIVE BRANCH TO

RAISE THE FLAG OF WAR.

>> THE HOSPICE FOR THETERMINALLY ILL.

>> Jon: THOSE ARE THE MOSTADORABLE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.

THE NUNS STRUMMING GUITARS ANDFEEDING PEOPLE AND TEACHING THAT

MAN TO PLAY THE ACCORDIAN.

WHY ARE WEFIGHTING THOSE NUNS?

WE SHOULD BE FIGHTING THOSENUNS.

I DON'T LIKE THAT NUN.

STOP HITTING HER.

OH, THE NUNS.

[ LAUGHTER ]WHY IS OBAMA GOING AFTER THE

SWEET NICE MUSICAL NUNS.

>> A KEY PROVISION OF THEOBAMACARE LAW.

IT'S THE LAW SO CALLEDCONTRACEPTION MANDATE.

>> Jon: WHY ARE WE MAKING THENUNS USE CONTRACEPTION?

I'M TAKING A BOLD STANCE.

I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD BEFORCING THE NUNS TO HAVE SEX IN

THE FIRST PLACE.

IT'S -- CONTRACEPTION IS FOR THEPEOPLE THE NUNS EMPLOY AND THE

NUNS DON'T WANT TO PAY FOR THATCONTRACEPTION INSURANCE SO WE

DON'T MAKE THEM HAVE SEX.

[ LAUGHTER ]STAY CLASSY SAN DIEGO.

[LAUGHTER]THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME KIND OF

COMPROMISE.

>> THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATIONPOINTS TO A COMPROMISE IN THE

LAW THAT WOULD ALLOW THE NUNS TOSIGN A CERTIFICATION OPTING OUT

OF THECONTRACEPTION REQUIREMENT.

>> Jon: THEY HAVE TO FILL OUT>A FORM AND THEY DON'T PAY FOR

THE CONTRACEPTION INSURANCE.

THAT IS PAID FOR BY THEINSURANCE COMPANIES WHO ARE

OBVIOUSLY GOING TO HELL ANYWAY.

>> THE NUNS SAY IT VIOLATESTHEIR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS TO SIGN

AND ADMIT TO THIS PERMISSIONSLIP THAT WOULD GIVE A THIRD

PARTY THE ABILITY TO HANDOUTCONTRACEPTION ON THEIR BEHALF.

>> Jon: YOU DON'T WANT TO SIGNTHE FORM BECAUSE THAT ENABLES

EMPLOYEES TO GET CONTRACEPTION.

YOU DO REALIZE YOU GIVE THEMPAPER ISSUED BY THE GOVERNMENT

THAT ALLOWS THEM TO GETCONTRACEPTION, RIGHT?

IT'S CALLED MONEY.

AND TO THE NUNS, AWR ADORABLE,YOU ARE DOING NICE WORK BUT IF

YOU WANT TO LIVE IN OUR MUGGLEWORLD --

[LAUGHTER]-- YOU'LL SOON REALIZE WE CANNOT

CONTROL OUR URGES.

[ LAUGHTER ]I GUARANTEE YOUR WORKERS ARE

ALREADY USING THIS MONEY TO BUYALL KINDS OF OBJECTIONABLE

ITEMS, BOOZE, CIGARETTES,MULTICOLORED CLOTHING.

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE WORKS FORYOU DOESN'T MEAN YOU DON'T GET

TO CONTROL THEIR PERSONAL LIVES.

YOU DON'T WANT MY ADVICE.

THAT'S MAYBE WHY WE SHOULD CALLSOMEONE IN WITH THE WISDOM OF A

FORMER PASTOR AND GRAVITAS OF AFAILED PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE.

>> I THINK OUR FOUNDERS WOULD BESTUNNED IF THEY EVER THOUGHT

THAT THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT OFTHE UNITED STATES WOULD BE DOING

EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO PUSH THELITTLE SISTERS OF THE POOR INTO

PROVIDING SOME TYPE OFCONTRACEPTION COVERAGE.

>> Jon: THE FOUNDERS WOULD BESTUNNED EXCEPT MAYBE BEN

FRANKLIN THAT WOULD SAY(bleep) ELECTRICITY THIS

CONTRACEPTION IS THE GREATESTTHING I'VE EVER HEARD OF.

WHAT DO YOU THINK TJ?

AND JEFFERSON WOULD SAY THISCOULD UNCOMPLICATE MY LEGACY

QUITE NICELY. WE'LL BE RIGHTBACK.

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