The Fault in Our Schools

  • Aired:  06/25/14
  •  | Views: 569,213

Jordan Klepper and Jessica Williams give separate advice to men and women on how to stay safe and avoid sexual assault on college campuses. (5:33)

>> HEY, WELCOME BACK.

WE'RE GOING TO CHECK IN RIGHTNOW WITH SOME OF OUR NATION'S

HALLOWED INSTITUTIONS OF HIGHERLEARNING.

>> U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATIONIS LOOKING INTO WHETHER SEXUAL

ASSAULT CASES AT JAMES MADISONUNIVERSITY HAVE BEEN MISHANDLED.

THE INVESTIGATION STEMS FROM ACOMPLAINT FILED BY A FORMER JMU

STUDENT. SHE CLAIMSTHREE FRATERNITY BROTHERS

PULLED OFF HER BATHINGSUIT TOP DURING A SPRING BREAK

TRIP TO FLORIDA LAST YEAR,RECORDED THE INCIDENT AND THEN

PASSED THE TAPE AROUND TOOTHERS.

>> Jon: WHOA.

EVEN THE CLASSIC VIRGINIA SAFETYSCHOOL IS NO LONGER SAFE.

[LAUGHTER]THIS CASE, YEAH, YOU'VE BEEN TO

JMU, HUH? THIS CASE ISHORRIFYING, BUT AT LEAST,

AT LEAST THE WOMAN HAS EVIDENCE,YOU KNOW, VIDEO.

MOST SEXUAL ASSAULT CASES ARENOTORIOUSLY DIFFICULT TO PROVE.

OFTEN VICTIMS DON'T FEEL LIKETHEY CAN COME FORWARD.

AND THEN THERE'S GOING TO BEDENIALS AND APPEALS. AT LEAST

THIS TIME THE SCHOOL CANNOTSWEEP THIS UNDER THE RUG.

SO, SO WHAT'S THE PUNISHMENT?

>> ALL THREE STUDENTSRESPONSIBLE FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT

AND HARASSMENT EXPELLED UPONGRADUATION.

>> Jon: YES!

JUSTICE!

WAIT A MINUTE.

EXPELLED UPON GRADUATION?

ISN'T THAT GRADUATION?

[LAUGHTER]>> THEY MAY NOT BE ON JMU'S

CAMPUS FOR ANY REASON AFTERGRADUATION.

>> Jon: SO NO ALUMNITAILGATING OR REUNIONS OR

BRINGING YOUR KIDS BACK TO SHOWTHEM WHERE YOU ABUSED GIRLS?

MY GUESS IS THOSE IDIOTS WENTTHROUGH WORSE PUNISHMENT AT

THEIR FRATERNITY INITIATION.

JAMES MADISON UNIVERSITY WILL BETHE LAUGHINGSTOCK OF THE

COUNTRY.

>> 55 COLLEGES UNDERINVESTIGATION FOR THE WAY

THEY HANDLE ALLEGATIONS OFSEXUAL ABUSE.

>> THESE ASSAULTERS ARE GETTING30 DAYS OR A SEMESTER OFF.

>> EVEN IF THE SCHOOL FOUNDTHEIR ATTACKER GUILTY, THEYWOULD

GET NOTHING HARSHER THANWRITING A BOOK REPORT.

>> Jon: WHAT THE [BLEEPED]?ARE COLLEGES TRYING TO

INCENTIVIZE SEXUAL ASSAULT? YOUKNOW WHAT THE REST OF US CALL IT

WHEN WE GET 30 DAYS OFF AND GETTO READ A BOOK? VACATION.

CLEARLY UNIVERSITIES ARE NOTMAKING IT SAFE FOR WOMEN.

JORDAN KLEPPER AND JESSICAWILLIAMS HAVE COME UP WITH SOME

CAMPUS SAFETY DO'S AND DON'TS.

GUYS, TAKE IT AWAY.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]>> OKAY, BROS.

PARTY COMMANDMENT NUMBER ONE:BEER BEFORE LIQUOR, NEVER BEEN

SICKER.

>> AND LADIES, NEVER LOSE SIGHTOF YOUR DRINK EVER.

DON'T BE A DOOFIE.

WATCH OUT FOR A ROOFIE.

>> THIS IS A BIG ONE, GUYS:DON'T PASS OUT ON THE COUCH.

SOMEONE MIGHT DRAW LIKE A DICKON YOUR FACE.

>> YES, DO NOT PASS OUT ON THECOUCH, LADIES.

SOMEONE WILL PUT THEIR DICK ONYOUR FACE AT A MINIMUM.

>> I MEANT... YOU KNOW WHAT,NEVER MIND.

NOW, IF YOU AND YOUR BROS DO GETHAMMERED, WHICH YOU WILL --

NICE -- FRIENDS DON'T LETFRIENDS DRIVE DRUNK.

TAKE A CAB.

YOU CAN JUST PASS OUT IN THEBACK.

>> OH, AND ALSO FRIENDS DON'TLET FRIENDS STAY AT PARTY DRUNK.

GIRL, GET HER OUT OF THERE.

CALL A CAB FROM AN ACTUALCAB COMPANY THAT HAS A WEB SITE,

NOT SOME CREEPY GUYWITH A YELLOW CAR.

>> BREATH MINTS, BREATH MINTSARE SUPES IMPORTANT.

>> OK, WAIT. I'M NOT DONE.DON'T GET IN A CAR WITH DOORS

THAT LOCK AUTOMATICALLY. YOUWANT TO

RIDE WITH ONE HAND ON THE DOORHANDLE AND ONE ON YOUR FRIEND SO

YOU CAN BREAK HER FALL IF YOUNEED TO JUMP AND ROLL.

>> CHAPSTICK. >> SHUT UP.

>> OK.>> SHUT UP.

WHILE YOU'RE IN THE CAB, FOLLOWYOUR ROUTE ON GOOGLE MAPS.

IF THE DRIVER MAKES A WEIRD LEFTTURN, DROP A PIN ON THE MAP,

CALL 991 AND GETREADY TO JUMP, GIRL.

YOU IN DANGER.

>> YIKES, IF IT'S SUCH HASSLE,WHY DON'T YOU JUST WALK HOME.

>> REALLY?

OKAY, LADIES IF YOU'RE GONNAWALK HOME, MAKE SURE YOU

BROUGHT AN OVERCOATTO HIDE THOSE GAMS.

YOU CAN JUST THROW A BLANKETOVER YOUR DRUNK FRIEND.

DITCH THE HEELS AND CHANGE INTOSOME SHOES THAT YOU CAN RUN IN.

AND ADOPT A MASCULINE GAIT. IFYOU HAVE A HOODIE, KEEP IT UP.

AND NO EARBUDS. OK?

YOU MIGHT AS WELL WEAR A SIGNTHAT SAYS, "I CAN'T HEAR

ANYTHING.

TACKLE ME FROM BEHIND, PLEASE."

MAKE SURE, MAKE SURE YOU GETYOUR KEYS OUT BEFORE YOU GET TO

YOUR APARTMENT.

AND THEN TO MAKE SURE ANYONEWITHIN EARSHOT DOESN'T FIND OUT

YOU LIVE ALONE, OPEN THE DOORAND SHOUT "HONEY, I'M HOME."

>> [BLEEPED]. BROS BEFORE HOES.

DON'T TEXT YOUR JUNK CAUSENOWADAYS POTENTIAL EMPLOYERS

WILL CHECK SOCIAL MEDIA -->> OH, MY GOD, THAT REMINDS ME.

OH MY GOODNESS, LADIES IF YOURCRAZY EX-WON'T STOP TEXTING YOU,

PICTURES OF HIS JUNK, SAVE ALLOF THEM, ALSO ANY ANGRY VOICE

MAILS, WEEPY VOICE MAILS,THREATENING TWEETS AND TUMBLR

POSTS. AND SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGEOF HIM OUTSIDE OF YOUR WINDOW

WATCHING YOU SLEEP.JUST SAVE IT ALL.

OKAY?

THE COLLEGE AND THE COPS WON'TDO ANYTHING, BUT MAYBE IT WILL

HELP YOU WITH YOUR CIVIL SUIT.

>> ALL RIGHT.

OKAY.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]OKAY.

LET'S BE REAL.

LET'S BE REAL HERE, JESSICA.

>> OK. PLEASE.

>> YOU'RE TELLING ME WOMENJUST SPEND THEIR WHOLE DAY

NAVIGATING AN OBSTACLE COURSEOF SEXUAL MENACE?

>> YEAH. PRETTY MUCH.

>> SERIOUSLY?

>> SERIOUSLY.

>> [BLEEPED].

SORRY.

BUT NOT ALL MEN ARE BAD. I MEAN,

SOME ARE STILL GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> OH, OKAY.

YEAH, THANKS.

YOU KNOW WHAT, I'LL KEEP THAT INMIND NEXT TIME A GUY SAYS HE

WANTS TO LICK MY BACK WHILE I'MWALKING TO WORK AT 8:00 IN THE

[BLEEPED] MORNING.

>> Jon: JORDAN KLEPPER ANDJESSICA WILLIAMS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

Loading...