Gaywatch - Texas Edition: Remember the No-Homo

  • Aired:  06/17/14
  •  | Views: 245,966

While the rest of the country inches forward on gay rights, Texas Republicans endorse reparative therapy in an attempt to cure gays of their homosexual desires. (8:30)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILYSHOW."

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

THANKS FOR JOINING US.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, I THINK YOU'LLENJOY THIS, HIS NAME IS

DANIEL SCHULMAN.HE IS THE AUTHOR OF A BOOK

CALLED "SONS OF WICHITA,"WHICH IS

THE SOMEWHAT LESS-EXCITINGSEQUEL TO "SONS OF ANARCHY."

ACTUALLY, IT'S ABOUT THE RISE OFTHE BILLIONAIRE LIBERTARIAN KOCH

BROTHERS, WHO IF YOU LIVE IN NEWYORK CITY, YOU KNOW THEY ARE

RUINING THE COUNTRY AND FUNDINGTHE BALLET.

SO WE'RE NOT QUITE SURE WHAT TOMAKE OF THESE CATS, BUT BEFORE

WE GET TO THAT, THERE WAS REALMILESTONE IN THE FIGHT FOR

MARRIAGE EQUALITY.

>> THIS AFTERNOON THE LAST STATEWITHOUT A LEGAL CHALLENGE TO ITS

AS SAME-SEX MARRIAGE BAN GOTONE.

SEVEN COUPLES FILED A FEDERALLAWSUIT IN THE U.S. DISTRICT

COURT IN FARGO.

>> Jon: OH, YEAH. YEAH. NO,NO. NO, THEY DID.

YEAH, EQUALITY DESCENDING ONNORTH DAKOTA, DON'T YOU KNOW.

YEAH.

OH, IT'S LIKE A BIG GAY POLARVORTEX, YEAH.

IT'S COMING. SURE. SURE.

MARRIAGE INEQUALITY, IT'S NOTTHE ONLY WRONG BEING RIGHTED IN

THE COUNTRY.

>> AN ALABAMA APPEALS COURTSTRIKING DOWN THAT STATE'S BAN

ON GAY SEX.

ON MONDAY THE COURT OVERTURNEDALABAMA'S ANTI-SODOMY LAW,

DECLARING IT UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

>> Jon: THAT'S GREAT.

IT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHENHOMOPHOBES FIND OUT THAT SODOMY,

EVEN INCLUDES [BLEEPED] JOBSTHEY MIGHT GET.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

A CHEERLEADER SUCKING MY[BLEEPED] IS SODOMY?

I GUESS I AM A LIBERTARIAN. YOUKNOW...

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]OH, THANK YOU. THANKS.

OUR AUDIENCE TONIGHTVERY FOND OF ORAL SEX.

AY AY AY IS RIGHT.

[CHEERING]YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAYING,

THOUGH, CIVIL RIGHTSTRIUMPHS ALWAYS COME IN THREES.

WILL IT BE BRIGHAM YOUNGCELEBRATES FIRST GAY

QUARTERBACK, CARDINAL DOLANMARCHES IN NEW YORK PRIDE

PARADE, MISSISSIPPI MARRIESLOUISIANA?

WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE?

>> AT ITS ANNUAL CONVENTION OVERTHE WEEKEND, THE TEXAS

REPUBLICAN PARTY ENDORSED ACONTROVERSIAL THERAPY THAT

REPORTS TO FIX GAY PEOPLE.

IT'S KNOWN AS REPARATIVE OR GAYCONVERSION THERAPY.

>> Jon: WHAT?

WHAT?

TEXAS?

WHAT?

THE STATE THAT CAN'T EVEN GO AWEEK WITHOUT AN OIL PIPELINE

SPEWING THINKS IT'S THE GAYSTHAT NEED REPAIRING?

[LAUGHTER]WHILE THE REST OF THE COUNTRY

INCHES FORWARD ON GAY RIGHTS,TEXAS APPARENTLY HOPPING INTO

DOC BROWN'S DeLOREAN ANDSETTING THE DIAL TO THE 1950s.

IT'S THE SUBJECT OF TONIGHT'SGAYWATCH TEXAS EDITION: REMEMBER

THE NO-HOMO.

REPARATIVE THERAPY --REPARATIVE THERAPY HAS BEEN

DERIDED AS PRAYING THE GAY WAY.

IS THERE ANYBODY THAT PUTS AMORE POSITIVE SPIN ON IT?

>> WHEN SOMEBODY SAYS PEOPLELIKE YOURSELF, OTHERS ARE TRYING

TO GET THE GAY OUT OF PEOPLE.

>> THAT'S A TERRIBLE WAY OFPHRASING IT.

I WOULD RATHER SAY WE ARE TRYINGTO BRING OUT THE HETEROSEXUALITY

IN YOU.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: BUT THAT'S THE THING

THEY DON'T HAVE IN THEM.

[LAUGHTER]IT'S LIKE GIVING A WOMAN A

C-SECTION WHO'S NOT PREGNANT.

YOU, YOU WON'T FIND WHAT YOU'RELOOKING FOR.

BUT YOU WILL LEAVE A SCAR.

SEEING AS YOU WANT TO FRAME THEDEBATE IN A MORE PLEASING WAY,

PERHAPS WE SHOULD MENTIONTHAT SOME OF THE TECHNIQUES

REPARATIVE THERAPISTS USETO BRING OUT A PERSON'S

HETEROSEXUALITY INVOLVESTHREATENING TO HOOK THEIR

GENITALS UP TO ELECTRODES ORORDERING SOMEONE TO BOTTLE

THEIR FECES AND SNIFF ITWHENEVER THEY ARE ATTRACTED TO

A MAN. BY THE WAY, NOT ONLY IS[BLEEPED] IN A BOTTLE AN

INEFFECTIVE AND HARMFUL THERAPY,IT IS BY FAR THE WORST NEW

JERSEY SHORE SOUVENIR EVER.

ALTHOUGH, YOU GOT WONDER, HOWDID THE GET THE [BLEEPED] IN

THERE?

[LAUGHTER]NO, IF YOU'RE ON THE BOARDWALK

AND YOU KNOCK DOWN THE THREEPENGUINS, YOU GET ONE OF THOSE.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THE [BLEEPED]BOTTLE SNIFFING AND REPARATIVE

THERAPY IN GENERAL THATIS BEING EMBRACED BY THE

TEXAS REPUBLICANS HAS BEENSOMEWHAT DISCREDITED.

IS THERE SOMEONE DOWN THERE WHOCAN EXPLAIN THE GOP'S POSITION?

>> WHETHER OR NOT YOU FEELCOMPELLED TO FOLLOW A PARTICULAR

LIFESTYLE OR NOT, YOU HAVE THEABILITY TO DECIDE NOT TO DO

THAT.

>> Jon: OH, BOY.

RICK PERRY'S USING WORDS AGAIN.

[LAUGHTER]THIS AIN'T GOING TO END WELL.

>> I MADE THE POINT OF TALKINGABOUT ALCOHOLISM.

I MAY HAVE THE GENETIC CODINGTHAT I'M INCLINED TO BE AN

ALCOHOLIC, BUT I HAVE THE DESIRENOT TO DO THAT.

AND I LOOK AT THE HOMOSEXUALISSUE AS THE SAME WAY.

>> WHAT, A PUBLIC SAFETY ISSUE?

[LAUGHTER]WORRIED A GAY PERSON, THEY'LL BE

OUT, THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO STOPAT ONE [BLEEPED] AND THEN AFTER

HAVING TOO MANY [BLEEPED] GETINTO THEIR GAY MOBILE AND REAR

END SOMEBODY?

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WORRIEDABOUT?

A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY THAT COULDHAVE BEEN AVOIDED?

LIKE ALCOHOLISM, GAY PEOPLE JUSTNEED A BAR TENDER TO SEE THEM

AND JUST GO, NO YOU HAD ENOUGH[BLEEPED].

LET ME CALL YOU A CAB.

BUT IF YOU'RE INTO BLANK STARES,WATCH THE FAMOUSLY BUSINESS

FRIENDLY TEXAS GOVERNOR GETCALLED OUT ON THE FAMOUSLY

BUSINESS FRIENDLY NEWS NETWORK.

>> I HAVE A REALLY HIGH BAR FOR,FOR WHAT I WOULD TAKE OFFENSE

TO, BUT THAT WOULDEXCEED THE BAR FOR ME.

I DON'T THINK GAY MARRIAGE LEADSTO CIRRHOSIS OF THE LIVER

OR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ORD.U.I.s.

I DON'T SEE HOW THAT'S SIMILAR.

>> I UNDERSTAND PEOPLE HAVEDIFFERENT OPINIONS ABOUT THAT.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: JUST CAUSE YOUR

OPINIONS ARE BASED IN FACTDOESN'T MEAN THAT... LOOK, JOE,

TO BE HONEST, I THOUGHT PUTTINGTHESE GLASSES ON WOULD

BE REPARATIVE TO MY DUMBNESS,BUT THE DUMB'S COMING BACK.

SOMEBODY BRING ME MY SMELLINGTURDS.

GIVEN THAT ALL REPUTABLEPSYCHOLOGISTS AND DOCTORS HAVE

REPUDIATED REPARATIVE THERAPYAND THAT THE LARGEST REPARATIVE

THERAPY PURVEYOR EVEN APOLOGIZEDFOR THE DAMAGE THEY CAUSED,

WHY WOULD TEXAS TEACH THECONTROVERSY, SO TO SPEAK?

>>THE LANGUAGE IS IN THE PLATORMBECAUSE WE WANT TO MAKE SURE

THAT PEOPLE HAVE RIGHTS.

THIS IS ABOUT GIVING PEOPLECHOICES.

>> Jon: OH, THIS IS ABOUTTEXAS G.O.P. BEING PRO-CHOICE.

THEY WANT TO PRESERVE CHOICE FORTHEIR CITIZENS, CHOICE IN THEIR

LIVES, IN THEIR HEALTH CAREOPTIONS.

WELL, SOME OF THEIR HEALTH CAREOPTIONS.

>> MORE THAN SIX MILLION PEOPLEIN THIS STATE DO NOT HAVE HEALTH

INSURANCE.

IT'S ABOUT 24% OF THE TOTALPOPULATION.

>> WE'RE NOT GOING TOPARTICIPATE IN ANY EXCHANGES.

WE'RE NOT GOING TO EXPANDMEDICAID.

>> Jon: SO GAY REPARATIVETHERAPY, YES!

HUMAN BODY REPARATIVE THERAPY,EH.

IF YOU'RE ONE OF THE SIX MILLIONTEXANS WITHOUT HEALTH INSURANCE,

MAYBE IT'S TIME TO TELL THEM YOUTHINK YOUR ARTHRITIS IS MAKING

YOU GAY.

WHAT'S THAT, SON?

WHAT'S THAT, SON?

WHAT?

YOU FEEL LIKE WHEN IT'S ABOUT TORAIN YOU WANT TO SUCK [BLEEPED]?

WELL, PUT AWAY YOUR WALLET.

YOU DON'T NEED TO CO-PAY THE GAYAWAY. COME ON IN!

YOU KNOW WHAT'SSAD? BEING GAY IS NOT A CHOICE,

BUT BEING A TEXAS REPUBLICAN IS.

SO MY ADVICE IS THE NEXT TIMEYOU FEEL THE URGE TO BE A

TEXAS REPUBLICAN, TO REPLACESCIENCE, TEXTBOOKS WITH PICTURES

OF HUMANS RIDING DINOSAURS ORBAN SAME-SEX MARRIAGE OR PUT ON

THIS HAT, [BLEEPED] IN A JAR ANDSNIFF IT.

IT WON'T CURE YOU.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]NO WAIT.

IT WON'T CURE YOU.

IT WON'T CURE YOU.

THE SCIENCE PROVES THAT.

BUT DO IT ANYWAY.

HOPEFULLY IT WILL REMIND YOU OFWHAT ASSHOLES YOU'RE BEING.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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