Automatics for the People

  • Aired:  07/29/14
  •  | Views: 160,693

America's plan to secure peace in the Middle East through extensive military aid falters when many of these weapons end up in the hands of extremists. (8:13)

>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME TO "THEDAILY SHOW."

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, FORMER RUSSIATODAY REPORTER SARA FIRTH.

BUT FIRST...

[LAUGHTER][CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

JUST CHECKING, I WAS JUSTCHECKING TO SEE IF I HAVE

RASFERMAGEN SYNDROME.A PROFESSOR OF ANATOMY IN THE

AUDIENCE WHO IS JUST POINTING ATPEOPLE AND TELLING THEM,

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEM.

BUT GETTING TO THE REGULAR SHOW,THE MIDDLE EAST, THIS IS

TERRIBLY UPSETTING.

IT REMAINS IN TURMOIL.

THIS IS A DANGEROUS REGION, EVENFOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIVE THERE

AND, SAY, MERELY EXPRESS THEMILDEST OF CONCERN ABOUT THE

HUMANITARIAN TRAGEDY OFCIVILIANS WHO HAVE NOTHING DO

WITH THE WARRING FACTIONS, ONLYTO TAKE A RASH OF [BLEEPED] FROM

EVERYONE WHO WENT TO YOUR BARMITZVAH.

STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS.

LOOK, A $50 SAVINGS BOND DOESNOT BUY YOU A LIFETIME OF

CRITICISM.

[LAUGHTER]BUT HELP IS ON THE WAY TO THIS

TROUBLED REGION.

>> THE WORLD'S A SCARY DANGEROUSPLACE, BUT IT'S A LESS SCARY,

LESS DANGEROUS PLACE WHENAMERICA LEADS.

>> THE UNITED STATES HAS TRIEDTO FOSTER PEACE, DEMOCRACY AND

STABILITY IN THE MIDDLE EAST.

>> BRING PEACE TO THE MIDDLEEAST.

>> DOUBLE DOWN ON OUR EFFORTS TOBRING PEACE TO THIS REGION.

>> WE ALL WANT TO SEE PEACE.

>> Jon: IT'S WHAT WE DO.

[LAUGHTER]NOW, ORIGINALLY WE JUST WENT TO

THE REGION TO RID IT OF A MADMAN WITH WMDs, BUT IT TURNED

OUT HE DIDN'T HAVE THOSE, BUT ATTHAT POINT WE REALIZED,

ACTUALLY, WE WERE JUST BRINGINGTHE REGION DEMOCRACY ANYWAY.

BUT THEN THE REGION USED THEIRDEMOCRACY WRONG, TOTALLY USED IT

WRONG, AND VOTED FOR NON-USDAAPPROVED CANDIDATES.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,MIDDLE EAST, WHEN YOU'RE VOTING

FOR DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES, YOUGOT TO READ THE LABELS. SO

CLEARLY THE REGION IS STUBBORNLYRESISTING THE UNITED STATES'

CHOICES FOR THEIR DEMOCRACIES.

LOOKS LIKE THE U.S. IS GOING TOHAVE TO GO IN A DIFFERENT

DIRECTION TO BRING ABOUT PEACE.

>> THE UNITED STATES GIVES ABOUT$1.3 BILLION A YEAR IN MILITARY

AID TO EGYPT.

>> EGYPT USES F-16 JET FIGHTERS.

THEY PROVIDE THE ABRAMS TANK.

THEY PROVIDE THE APACHEHELICOPTER.

>> Jon: BUT, YOU KNOW, BECAUSEWE WANT A LASTING PEACE IN THE

REGION, WE DIDN'T STOP THERE.

JORDAN, WHY DON'T YOU TRY SOMEJAVELIN MISSILES THERE.

AND, HEY, HEY, SAUDI ARABIA,TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN.

HOW'S $6.8 BILLION WORTH OFPEACE, INCLUDING BUNKER-BUSTING

BOMB, SLAMMER MISSILES, HAVE AHELICOPTER, AND DON'T THINK

WE'RE GONNA FORGET ABOUT YOU,IRAQ.

YOU'RE THE O.G., THE ORIGINALGEOPOLITICAL CATASTROPHE

[BLEEPED].

>> THE PENTAGON, OF COURSE, ASYOU KNOW, CONTINUES TO PROVIDE

IRAQ WITH BILLIONS IN MILITARYAID, BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH

OF APACHE HELICOPTERS FROMBOEING, HELL FIRE MISSILES ALSO

MADE BY LOCKHEED.

>> Jon: WE'RE THE UNITEDSTATES.

WE'RE LIKE THE OPRAH OF MIDDLEEAST WEAPONS SYSTEMS.

YOU GET SOME BOMBS.

YOU GET SOME BOMBS.

EVERYBODY GETS SOME BOMBS.

YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH, AS I LOOKAT THE MAP...

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]YOU'RE WELCOME.

AS I LOOK AT THE MAP, I REALIZETHERE'S A LOT OF THE REGION THAT

WE HAVEN'T PEACED TO THE HILTYET, YOU KNOW WHAT, LET ME THROW

$4 BILLION OF MISSILES ANDMUNITIONS TO THE U.A.E., AND

OMAN, OH MAN, YOU GOT $2.1BILLION RAYTHEON MISSILE SYSTEM

COMING. KUWAIT NO LONGER.

YOU SEEM LIKE A $4.2 BILLION INPATRIOT MISSILES TYPE OF

COUNTRY, AND I DON'T WANT TO SAYIT, BUT I GUESS IT'S TIME TO

MAKE IT BAHRAIN.

MISSILES.

AND BLACKHAWK HELICOPTERS.

[LAUGHTER]GO SHOOT DOWN SOMETHING NICE.

NO, NO, NO, GO SHOOT DOWNSOMETHING NICE, BUT DO NOT USE

THOSE HELICOPTERS, BAHRAIN, TOCRACK DOWN ON POLITICAL

DISSIDENTS IN YOUR OWN COUNTRY.

DON'T USE THEM FOR THAT.

AGAIN, DON'T DO IT AGAIN.

AND DON'T THINK I'M FORGETTINGABOUT YOU, QATAR. I DON'T

NORMALLY, I DON'T NORMALLY TRUSTA COUNTRY THAT STARTS WITH A "Q"

AND DOESN'T FOLLOW IT UP WITHA "U," BUT YOU KNOW WHAT,

HERE'S A LITTLE TASTE.

>> QATAR REPORTEDLY JUST SPENT$11 BILLION TO BUY AMERICAN

PATRIOT MISSILE BATTERIES ANDAPACHE ATTACK HELICOPTERS.

>> Jon: DID I SAY TASTE?

I MEANT A MOUTHFUL. NOW YOU MAYBE THINKING TO YOURSELF,

GEEZ, ALL THIS BUILDUP OF PEACEON EARTH

MIGHT SET OFF ALARMS ON VENUS.

IT'S OKAY.

WE'LL SEND THEM MISSILE, TOO.

[BLEEPED] IT.

I DON'T CARE.

JUST NOT TO MARS, BECAUSE AS WEKNOW, THEY DON'T NEED MISSILES.

THEY NEED MOMS.

[APPLAUSE]I'M SORRY.

IT JUST REALLY UPSETS ME. I JUSTFEEL SO BADLY FOR MARS.

SO NOW THAT THE UNITED STATESHAS MADE THEMSELVES THE JOHNNY

MISSILE SEEDS OF THE REGION, WECAN FOCUS IN ON THE MAIN

CONFLICT BETWEEN ISRAEL ANDHAMAS.

>> MILITARY ASSISTANCETO ISRAEL HAS BEEN VERY

STRONG, $3 BILLION A YEAR.

>> Jon: NOT MENTION ALL THETREES WE'VE PLANTED THERE OVER

THE YEARS.

THAT'S GOT TO PROVIDE SOMECOVER.

AND EVEN WHEN WE'RE NOT SELLINGISRAEL WEAPONS, WE'RE HELPING

THEM WITH A LITTLE R&D.

>> WHILE THE IRON DOME ISLARGELY ISRAELI TECHNOLOGY, MUCH

OF THE FUNDING COMES FROM THEUNITED STATES.

ISRAEL ASKED FOR $225 MILLION INEMERGENCY FUNDING.

>> Jon: THE IRON DOME ISWHAT'S PROTECTED THEM FROM THOSE

ROCKETS AND IS SO POPULAR WITHOUR LEGISLATORS.

WE CAN JAM ITS FUNDING INTOALMOST ANYTHING.

>> SENATE DEMOCRATS TIED THEFUNDING TO A PROBLEM MORE THAN

7,000 MILES AWAY.

THE HIGHLY CONTROVERSIAL SENATEBORDER BILL.

>> Jon: EVERYONE KNOWS YOUMASH UP THE THING PEOPLE WANT

WITH THE THING PEOPLE DON'TLIKE.

BUT REALLY NEED.

IT'S LIKE WHEN BO WON'T TAKE HISANTIBIOTICS AND THE PRESIDENT

WRAPS IT IN A LITTLE SLICE OFAMERICAN CHEESE AND FEEDS IT TO

HIM. LOOKS LIKE THERE AIN'TNOTHING THAT COULD POSSIBLY GO

WRONG WITH OUR PLAN TO SENDBILLIONS AND BILLIONS OF

DOLLARS IN WEAPONS TO ANINCREDIBLY VOLATILE REGION OF

THE WORLD IN ORDER TO BRING ITPEACE.

>> ISIS MILITANTS WHO HAVEPICKED UP AMERICAN-MADE WEAPONS

ON THEIR WAY FROM SYRIA.

>> NEARLY HALF A MILLION WEAPONSSUPPLIED BY THE U.S. TO AFGHAN

SECURITY FORCES MAY END UP INTHE HANDS OF TALIBAN INSURGENTS.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: WELL, IT'S A GOOD

THING WE FLOODED OUR ALLIES WITHSOPHISTICATED WEAPONS BECAUSE

THEY'RE GOING TO NEED THEM TOFEND OFF ALL OUR OTHER

SOPHISTICATED WEAPONS. BUT MYPOINT IS BY FLOODING THE AREA

WITH WEAPONRY, WE CAN KEEPTHINGS PEACEFUL AND HAMAS

ISOLATED.

>> THE BULK OF THE FINANCINGTHAT GOES TO HAMAS COMES FROM

QATAR.

>> THEY GIVE $400 MILLION TOHAMAS.

>> Jon: WHAT? WHAT?

WHAT THE [BLEEPED]?

QATAR?

WE JUST SOLD YOU $11 BILLION INARMS.

YOU BETTER NOT BE REGIFTING.

ARE YOU REGIFTING?

[LAUGHTER]IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

MAN!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]YOU KNOW SOMETHING, SPREADING

DEMOCRACY IN THE MIDDLE EAST ISSO HARD, MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T HAVE

DONE IT SECOND AMENDMENT FIRST.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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