Colin Quinn

  • Aired:  08/01/13
  •  | Views: 17,990

Comedian Colin Quinn charts the creation of the United States Constitution and notes Ben Franklin's interest in sex clubs. (5:35)

WELCOME BACK.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT AN

EXCEPTIONALLY FUNNY COMEDIAN

WHOSE ONE MAN SHOW

UNCONSTITUTIONAL IS

CURRENTLY PLAYING HERE IN

NEW YORK.

PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE

SHOW THE WONDERFUL COLIN

QUINN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WELL, WELL, WELL.

WHAT A WEB WE WEAVE.

>> SO UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

>> YES.

>> ABOUT THE U.S.

CONSTITUTION.

>> THAT'S CORRECT.

>> OF COURSE THE SINGLE

GREATEST FOUR PAGE DOCUMENT

IN HISTORY THAT VERY FEW

PEOPLE HAVE EVER ACTUALLY

READ.

>> YES.

>> RIGHT?

>> IT'S GOOD.

WHY DO AMERICANS SEE THE

CONSTITUTION AS BEING SO

VOOK SANK?

>> FIRST OF ALL, DON'T EVER

USE THAT WORD AROUND ME

AGAIN.

I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.

I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU GUYS,

SERIOUSLY, OH, SORRY.

>> YOU'RE SO GOOD AS ALWAYS

GETTING AN AUDIENCE ON SIDE.

YOU ARE SO GOOD.

>> I'M JUST BEING HONEST.

>> ARE YOU SO GOOD AT

BURYING YOUR INHERENT

LIKABILITY AND REPLACING IT

WITH A MONSTER.

JON SAID NOT TO LET YOU DO

THAT.

>> PEOPLE FIND ME ARROGANT.

>> HE WON'T LET DOW THAT HE

SAID IF COLIN PUTS HIS FEET

UP, KICK THEM.

>> I UNDERSTAND TINGS ARE

NOT GOING WELL ON JON'S

FILM.

>> THAT'S NOT TRUE.

WHY WOULD YOU-- THAT'S NOT

TRUE.

DON'T LISTEN TO A WORD HE

SAYS.

THIS MAN IS A PROFESSIONAL

LIAR.

>> I HEARD-- I HEARD SOME

BAD THINGS ABOUT HIM.

TYRANNICAL IS THE WORD THEY

USE IN JORDAN, BY THE WAY.

>> A JORDAN TIR RAN CALL

TLARX SUPPER CASE T ON TIR

RAN CALL.

>> I'M TRYING TO HELP-U-SELL

YOUR SHOW.

>> I KNOW THAT.

>> NEXT WEEK HERE IN NEW

YORK.

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?

>> JUST HAVING A LITTLE

WITTY WANT WE ARE AN ENGLISH

PERSON HERE IN THE STATES.

>> WE INVENTED BANTER.

>> I KNOW YOU DID.

>> SO I SAW THE SHOW ON

MONDAY.

>> I KNOW, THANK YOU FOR

COMING.

>> YOU'RE WELCOME.

THANK YOU FOR PERFORMING IT

WITH ME THERE.

>> THANK YOU.

>> I REALLY ENJOYED IT.

THE THING ABOUT THE

CONSTITUTION IS, DURING THE

CONSTITUTIONAL CONVENTION IN

1787 THOMAS JEFFERSON WROTE

TO JOHN ADAMS AND SAID IT

REALLY IS AN ASSEMBLY OF

DEMI GODS.

THEY WERE NOT SHORT ON

CONFIDENCE WERE THEY.

>> AND THOSE WHO WEREN'T

EVEN THERE.

>> THEY WERE IN PARIS AND

LONDON.

>> MAY I SAY ONE THING, NOT

TO START A CONFLICT BUT THAT

IS WHAT I DO, HOW COME YOU

GOT THIS GREAT QUOTE THAT I

NEVER DID EVEN THOUGH I'M

DOING A WHOLE SHOW ON IT.

I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT NOW.

>> IT'S AMAZING, ISN'T IT.

>> YEAH,.

>> DEMI GODS.

WHICH IS TRUE, IF DEMI GODS

MEANT VERY DRUNK WHITE MEN.

>> YES.

>> BECAUSE-- ISN'T THAT WHAT

DEMI GODS MEANS.

>> THERE WAS A LOT OF

ALCOHOL AT THAT CONVENTION.

>> THEY WERE GIANT PUNCH

BOWLS FILLED WITH LIQUOR

EVERY DAY.

WE HAD A BILL, YOU KNOW,

GOOGLED A BILL ON-LINE OF

THE ORIGINAL BILL.

>> DID YOU.

>> THERE IS A LOT MORE --

>> LIKE I SAID IT WAS JUST A

COPY BUT -- .

>> IT WAS COOL NEVER THE OLD

DAYS LIKE WE UNEARTHED A

BILL.

>> THEY WERE REALLY DRINKING

TO SMOOTH THROUGH

NEGOTIATIONS, MAYBE THERE IS

A LESSON FOR CONGRESS IN

THAT, JUST GET WASTED.

>> I TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'RE

RIGHT.

>> LET'S COMPROMISE.

>> YOU ARE 100% RIGHT.

BECAUSE LOOK NOWADAYS

CONGRESS WANTS TO GET OUT OF

THERE SO THEY CAN GO DRINK

AND SMOKE.

AND THIS WAS, THE INCENTIVE

WAS TO STAY BECAUSE YOU GOT

FREE LIQUOR AND CIGARETTES.

I KNOW NOBODY SMOKES NOW BUT

YOU KNOW.

>> HERE IS ANOTHER QUOTE

WHICH WILL ANNOY YOU.

AMERICANS ARE VERY, VERY

DEFENSIVE OF THE

CONSTITUTION.

BUT THE FOUNDERS, THE

FOUNDERS DIDN'T SEE THAT.

WHAT BEN FRANKLIN, BENJAMIN,

MR. FRANKLIN SAID THERE ARE

SEVERAL PARTS OF THIS

CONSTITUTION WHICH I DO NOT

AT PRESENT APPROVE BUT I'M

NOT SURE, I SHALL NEVER

APPROVE THEM.

THEN HE SAID HE WOULD ACCEPT

THE CONSTITUTION BECAUSE I

EXPECT NO BETTER AND BECAUSE

I'M NOT SURE IT IS NOT THE

BEST.

WHAT A RINGING ENDORSEMENT

THAT WAS.

MY NAME IS BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

AND I KIND OF APPROVE THIS

MESSAGE.

>> RIGHT.

>> WELL FIRST OF ALL THERE

ARE LIKE SIX DOUBLE

NEGATIVES IN THERE HE WAS

ALSO A BIG SEX CUB GUY TLARX

IS THE OTHER THING I FOUND

OUT.

>> YOU TRY TO READ ALL THE

DEEP PROFOUND THINGS ABOUT

THESE GUYS AND YOU SEE SEX

CLUB AND I SPEND 20 MINUTES

I WANT TO READ ABOUT THAT.

>> THAT SHOWS YOU CAN TAKE

THE MAN OUT OF THE

MASSACHUSETTS BUT YOU CAN'T

TAKE THE MASSACHUSETTS OUT

OF THE MAN.

>> I DON'T GET THAT BUT I'M

GOING ALONG WITH IT ANYWAYS.

>> I DON'T WANT TO BE

STUPID.

I'M LIKE HA, GOOD ONE, JOHN.

I DON'T KNOW.

ALL PRESIDENTS CLAIM TO BE

BIG DEFENDERS OF THE

CONSTITUTION BUT I THINK WE

KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT THERE

HAS NEVER BEEN A BETTER

DEFENDER OF THE FOUNDING

DOCUMENTS THAN NICHOLAS CAGE,

HAVE-- AT THE END OF THE

DAY.

AT THE END OF THE DAY.

CHORS PLAUS.

>> HE FOUGHT FOR THEM.

HE REALLY --

>> HE REALLY WOULD HAVE DIED

FOR THEM, YEAH.

>> IT ENDS THIS RUN ENDS

HERE IN NEW YORK NEXT WEEK

ON FRIDAY.

>> SURE, THURSDAY.

BUT YEAH.

>> FRIDAY, DO ANOTHER SHOW.

>> IN ENGLAND IT'S FRIDAY

AND THEN YOU'RE OFF ON TOUR

TO THE 13 COLONIES TOUR.

>> THE ORIGINAL 13, SUCK IT,

ARKANSAS.

NO COLIN FOR YOU.

>> I LOVED IT I LOVED THE

SHOW, VERY FUNNY.

THE CONSTITUTION IS

HILARIOUS, BY THE WAY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

>> THANKS, JOHN.

>>

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> COLIN QUINN.

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