The Empire Takes Back - Tank Tricks

  • Aired:  04/21/14
  •  | Views: 98,825

Vladimir Putin continues to deny that the mystery militias moving into eastern Ukraine are Russian. (4:27)

[ APPLAUSE ]>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

YOU MAY RECALL LAST MONTH WHENPRO-RUSSIAN MILITIAS TOOK

OVER THE CRIMEAN PENINSULA ANDHANDED IT TO RUSSIA. NOW MANY

THOUGHT THE MILITIAS WERE NOTONLY PRO-RUSSIAN BUT RUSSIAN.

RUSSIAN PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTINKNEW DIFFERENT.

>> THOSE ARE LOCAL SELF DEFENSEUNITS.

>> Jon: YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEMAN AT HIS WORD.

COME ON.

LOOK AT THAT FACE.

WOULD THAT FACE LIE TO YOU? DON'T ANSWER THAT

BECAUSE THAT FACE WOULD KILL YOUWITH POISON.

ACTUALLY, THAT FACE DID LIE TOYOU.

VLADIMIR PUTIN IN THE MEANTIMESPOKE ON RUSSIAN TV FOR THE

FIRST TIME HE ADMITTED THETROOPS IN UNMARKED UNIFORMS WHO

TOOK CRIMEA BEFORE ITSANNEXATION BY MOSCOW WERE, IN

FACT, RUSSIAN SOLDIERS.

>> Jon: APRIL FOOLS'.

IN FEBRUARY. NOWORDINARILY, I WOULD JUST LET

BY GONES BE BY GONES, BUT HERE'STHE THING, AS OF LAST WEEK

HUGE PARTS OF EASTERN UKRAINEARE NOW FILLED WITH THE SAME

MYSTERY MILITIAS. THEY'RE TAKINGOVER GOVERNMENT BUILDINGS,

AND THEY'RE OCCUPYING THESTREETS, AND NOT

ONLY TAKING UKRAINIAN ARMYTANKS, THEY ARE DOING (bleep)WITH

THEM I DIDN'T THINK YOU COULDDO. I MEAN, I HAVE TO TELL YOU,

MAN, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT TOUKRAINE THAT IS AWESOME.

BUT AT LEAST NOW THAT PUTIN ISMORE ACCUSTOMED TO TELLING THE

TRUTH I AM SURE HE WILL LEVEL ASTO RUSSIAN INVOLVEMENT.

>> THIS IS NONSENSE.

THERE ARE NO RUSSIAN UNITS INTHE EAST OF THE UKRAINE.

>> Jon: WELL, HIS LIPS SAY NO,BUT THE OTHER GUY THAT WAS

TALKING SAYS --LOOK, HE LIES ALL THE

TIME, SO YOU KNOW WHATWOULD HELP? IF WE HAD SOME

KIND OF PHOTOGRAPHIC PROOF THATTHE MILITIAS IN THE UKRAINE

ARE ACTUALLY RUSSIAN SOLDIERS.

>> NEW PHOTOS PROVIDED TO AEUROPEAN MONITORING BODY AND

PUBLISHED BY "THE NEW YORKTIMES" JUST TODAY GIVE

SOME INSIGHT INTO WHO HAS BEENSEIZING GOVERNMENT SITES IN

EASTERN UKRAINE. THE TIMESSAYS THESE PHOTOS LINK THE

GUNMEN KNOWN AS GREEN MEN TORUSSIA.

>> Jon: REALLY? THAT IS YOUREVIDENCE? CHUNKY GUY WITH A

BEARD? IT LOOKS LIKE EVERYOTHER GUY IN EASTERN EUROPE.

THAT IS EVERY OTHER GUY ON THEPLANET.

LIKE TWO-THIRDS OF ZZ TOP.

I MEAN, COME ON.

I THINK THAT IS LIKE THE GUYTHAT PRODUCED THE BEASTIE BOYS

FIRST ALBUM. LOOK, I AM STARTINGTO THINK RUSSIA HASN'T

INVADED UKRAINE AT ALL AND THISENTIRE INTERNATIONAL CRISIS IS

JUST AN ELABORATE MOCKUMENTARYPRANK BY JOAQUIN PHOENIX.

>> I AM GOING TO NEED MOREEVIDENCE THESE MILITIA MEN ARE

NOT JUST LOCALS.

>> YOU WOULD TALK TO LOCALS INTHESE TOWNS AND THEY WOULD SAY

PEOPLE AT THE BARRICADES

SPEAK WITH RUSSIAN ACCENTS ANDDON'T KNOW THEIR WAY AROUND.

>> Jon: I GUESS THEY WEREN'TDOING DOUGHNUTS IN THE TANKS,

THEY WERE JUST SO LOST THEY WEREDRIVING IN CIRCLES.

>> THEY SAID THERE WAS WAFFLEHOUSE AROUND HERE.

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM GOING.

I AM JUST -- I AM JUST HUNGRY.

>> Jon: SO, NOW THAT WE KNOWTHESE ARE RUSSIANS, THE QUESTION

IS, HOW SHOULD AMERICA DEAL WITHIT AND PLEASE FRAME YOUR ANSWER

WITH THE STUPIDEST OPTION WE CANTAKE.

>> WE NEED TO DO SOME THINGSTACTICALLY.

WE NEED TO GIVE THEM LETHALWEAPONS, GIVE THEM 100 T-72

TANKS FROM NATO STOCKS.

>> Jon: WE DID THAT ALREADYAND THE RUSSIANS TOOK THEM AND

STARTED DOING DOUGHNUTS! IN THEPARKING LOT OF THE RUSSIAN 7-11!

ISN'T THERE ANYONE IN RUSSIA WHOCAN PIN PUTIN NOW.

>> U.S. FORMER U.S. SPYCONTRACTOR EDWARD SNOWDEN HAVING

HIS FIRST KNOWN PUBLICCONVERSATION WITH VLADIMIRPUTIN.

>> Jon: OH (BLEEP).IT IS THE SNOW MAN! OH, YEAH!

FALCON AND THE SNOW MAN UP INTHIS (bleep)! IF

ANYBODY CAN HOLD PUTIN'S FEET TOTHE FIRE IT IS THIS CAT.

>> DOES RUSSIA INTERCEPT STOREOR ANALYZE IN ANY WAY THE

COMMUNICATIONS OF MILLIONS OFINDIVIDUALS?

>> Jon: OH! HOW IS OLD VLADDYGOING TO GET OUT OF THIS ONE?

>> WE DON'T HAVE A MASS SYSTEMOF SUCH INTERCEPTION.

AND ACCORDING TO OUR LAW, ITCANNOT EXIST.

>> Jon: TOUCHE.

WHO WOULD EVER HAVE THOUGHTPUTIN COULD OUTWIT A PRERECORDED

QUESTION FROM A MAN WHOSE LIFEIS IN HIS HANDS? WE'LL BE

RIGHT BACK.

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