Democalypse 2012 - Election Night 2012: This Ends Now - Spoiler Alert

  • Aired:  11/06/12
  •  | Views: 96,989

The House remains Republican, the Senate stays Democratic, and Stephen Colbert avoids election spoilers. (2:51)

[CROWD CHEERING]

DO YOU WANT THE --

[CROWD CHEERING]

TIM KAINE IS THE NEW SENATOR FROM VIRGINIA.

HE HAS DEFEAT GEORGE ALLEN.

SENATE RACE TOO CLOSE TO DOLL AND PATRICK MURPHY AND ALAN WEST IN FLORIDA 96% OF THE PRECINCTS REPORTING.

50% FOR MR. MURPHY, 50% FOR ALLEN THEY ARE OOING A HOUSE RACE IN FLORIDA.

JUNKIES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

BY THE WAY, NOT POLITICAL JUNKIES, JUNKIES.

[LAUGHTER]

SO THAT'S IT.

THE HOUSE REMAINS IN THE REPUBLICAN CONTROL, THE SENATE IS IN DEMOCRATIC CONTROL BARACK

OBAMA IS STILL THE PRESIDENT.

LET'S HOPE THAT THESE PAST FOUR YEARS OF OBSTRUCTION AND DIFFICULTY, THE FEVER HAS BROKEN.

EVEN THOUGH THE PLAYERS REMAIN THE SAME PERHAPS THE FEVER HAS BROKEN AND AS CHRIS CHRISTIE AND

THE PRESIDENT LEARNED IN NEW JERSEY WHEN WE FORGET THE PARTY BICKERING AND POLITICAL [BLEEP]

WE CAN ACCOMPLISH CERTAIN THINGS EVEN FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE LOST THEIR HOUSES.

IT'S A REMARKABLE LESSON FOR ALL OF US.

THAT IS ALL FOR OUR SHOW TONIGHT.

JOIN US AGAIN TOMORROW AT OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED NON-LIVE TAPING.

I MIGHT EVEN SHAVE AND SHOWER.

[LAUGHTER]

RIGHT NOW WE'RE GOING TO GO TO STEPHEN COLBERT AT THE COLBERT REPORT.

>> DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING, JON, NO SPOILERS, PLEASE.

>> Jon: HAVEN'T YOU BEEN WATCHING THE NEWS.

>> NOT AT ALL.

I CAN'T GO INTO MY SHOW KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT MY SHOW IS ABOUT.

[LAUGHTER]

I ANSWER EVERY SHOW LIKE A NEWBORN BABY.

CLEAN SLATE, NO PRECONCEPTIONS.

SEMI BLIND AND COVERED IN PLACENTA AND GOO CRYING UNCONTROLLABLY WAITING TO BE SPANKED BY LIFE.

>> Jon: WHAT ARE YOU WEARING WHEN THIS IS HAPPENING, A DIAPER?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

>> WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU EITHER.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: THANK YOU FOR THAT, STEPHEN.

HAVE YOURSELF A WONDERFUL ELECTION NIGHT.

>> IT'S ELECTION NIGHT, WHY DID YOU TELL ME.

I SAID NO SPOILERS.

THIS IS THE COLBERT REPORT.

>> Jon: IS THAT A SPOILER ALERT.

CAN I TELL YOU WHO IS THE VAMPIRE.

VAMPIRE THE WEAR WOLF.

>> VAMPIRE.

ONCE AGAIN IT'S THE COLBERT REPOR

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