Who Killed Osama bin Laden?

  • Aired:  05/10/11
  •  | Views: 204,466

Eleven Bush administration officials come out of their hidey-holes to take credit for Osama bin Laden's death. (5:42)

>> Jon: GET A TOWEL.

(LAUGHTER)

MEANWHILE, THE BATTLE TO CAPTURE

AND KILL BIN LADEN HAS ENDED BUT

THE GENERATIONAL WAR TO CLAIM

CREDIT RAGES ON.

PRESIDENT OBAMA FIRED THE FIRST

SHOT BY SENDING THE NAVY SEALS

INTO PAKISTAN TO FIRE THE...

FIRST ACTUAL SHOT.

(LAUGHTER)

GIVING THE PRESIDENT SOMEWHAT OF

A LEG UP CREDIT WISE.

BUT IT WAS OBAMA'S

POST-OPERATION GROUND ZERO 9/11

FAMILIES NAVY SEALS MEET AND

GREETS THAT ESCALATED THE

HOSTILITY.

>> FORMER BUSH CHIEF OF STAFF

ANDY CARD SAID "I THINK OBAMA'S

POUNDED HIS CHEST A LITTLE TOO

MUCH.

HE CAN TAKE PRIDE IN IT, BUT HE

DOES NOT NEED TO SHOW IT SO

MUCH."

>> Jon: AND YOU CAN BET YOUR

SWEET-- BIPPY--

(LAUGHTER)

THAT THE GUY WHO WAS PRESIDENT

BUSH'S CHIEF OF STAFF DURING HIS

TOP GUN INSPIRED CROTCH-ENHANCED

AIRCRAFT CARRIER LANDING THAT

TOOK CREDIT FOR ENDING A WAR

WE'RE STILL FIGHTING EIGHT

(BLEEP)ING YEARS LATER...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IS GOING TO LET BARACK OBAMA GET

AWAY WITH IT.

BY THE WAY, THE ONLY REASON BUSH

DIDN'T LITERALLY POUND HIS CHEST

ON THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER WAS THAT

THAT WOULD HAVE RELEASED AN

EMERGENCY PARACHUTE AND SWEPT

HIM OUT TO SEA.

(LAUGHTER)

SO THIS PAST WEEK WHEN, BY ALL

RIGHTS, OBAMA AND HIS TEAM COULD

HAVE STRUTTED THEIR STUFF ALL

OVER THE NEWS SHOWS ON THE

WEEKEND, ANDY CARD AND COMPANY

WENT INTO ACTION OF COURSE, TO

FEEL THIS MUCH GLORY THEY'D HAVE

TO REASSEMBLE THE WHOLE TEAM--

THE BEST OF THE BEST.

(LAUGHTER)

THE ARCHITECT!

OH, YEAH!

THE POSSUM!

(LAUGHTER)

DR. HENNEY PENNY.

(LAUGHTER)

THE... DON CHEADLE CHARACTER

LADY.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THEN, I GUESS, THERE'S

PROBABLY, LIKE, SEVEN OTHERS

THAT WE DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO MAKE

UP NICKNAMES FOR.

BUT MOVE OUT, EVERYONE, SHOCK

AND AWE TIME!

>> THERE WERE SEVEN IMPORTANT

POLICY DECISIONS MADE UNDER BUSH

THAT MADE SUNDAY NIGHT POSSIBLE.

>> THE POLICIES ON INTERROGATION

AND WIRETAPPING.

>> WHAT WE CALLED ENHANCED

INTERROGATION.

>> WE INCREASED THE NUMBERS IN

THE SPECIAL OPERATIONS.

>> THE POLICY OF RENDITION.

THE.

>> CONCEPT THAT THE TERRORISM

PROBLEM HAS TO BE DEALT WITH AS

A WAR.

>> TREATING THESE PEOPLE AS

ENEMY COMBATANTS NOT AS

CRIMINALS.

>> THE CAPACITY OF OUR MILITARY

AND OUR INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES TO

FIGHT IN THIS INTEGRATED

FASHION.

>> MILITARY TRIBUNALS, HAVING

MILITARY TRIBUNALS IN PLACE.

>> UNFAILING, CONSTANT VIGILANCE

ABOUT PROTECTING AMERICA.

>> PRESIDENT BUSH HAD TO MAKE

SOME VERY, VERY HARD CALLS THAT,

FRANKLY, HELPED TO SET THIS UP.

>> Jon: HE INVENTED BULLETS.

(LAUGHTER)

THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION WANTED

TO TRICK BIN LADEN WITH A FAKE

SWEEPSTAKES GIVE AWAY TO LURE

HIM OUT OF HIDING.

WHEN THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION

SAID "WHY DON'T YOU SHOOT HIM

HERE?"

(LAUGHTER)

ELEVEN BUSH ADMINISTRATION

OFFICIALS FOUGHT TO BE IN THEIR

LAST THROES CAME OUT OF THEIR

HIDY HOLES AND SHOOK BACK WITH

OVERWHELMING FORCE.

BUT THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION WAS

READY FIRING BACK WITH NATIONAL

SECURITY ADVISOR TOM DONILON ON

"MEET THE PRESS" AND NATIONAL

SECURITY ADVISOR TOM DONILON ON

CNN.

AND HE WAS ON FOX NEWS SUNDAY

AND THE SAME GUY ON "THIS WEEK"

REQUEST W CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR.

ONE GUY.

(LAUGHTER)

BUSH ADMINISTRATION HITS THEM

WITH SHOCK AND AWE AND YOU'VE

GOT ONE GUY-- NO ONE'S EVER

HEARD OF.

THIS GUY BETTER BE RAMBO.

>> IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT POINT

FOR YOUR VIEWERS AND AMERICANS

GENERALLY TO UNDERSTAND.

THIS WAS AN EFFORT ACROSS TWO

ADMINISTRATIONS.

INDEED, MANY OF THE SAME

PROFESSIONALS WHO WORKED FOR

PRESIDENT BUSH ON THIS PROJECT

WORK WITH US TODAY.

SO IT IS NOT A MATTER OF

PARTISANSHIP.

>> Jon: (WHISPERING)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

(LAUGHTER)

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THOSE GUY'S

SUCKED IN?

THIS SHOWS WE CAN ACCOMPLISH OUR

GOALS WITHOUT WAGING REGIME

CHANGE WAR ON OTHER COUNTRIES.

IT SHOWS THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION

MONDAY MORNING WATERBOARDERS

THAT INTELLIGENCE CAN BE

DEVELOPED THROUGH MORE

TRADITIONAL LESS SOUL CORRODING

MEANS.

JESUS, DEMOCRATS!

YOU CAN'T ENGAGE THE REPUBLICANS

ON THEIR TERMS-- THE BLAME

GAME-- ENDS UP WITH OBAMA AND

THE CREDIT GAME, WELL, (BLEEP),

WE ALL KNOW WHERE THAT'S GOING.

>> I THINK CREDIT GOES OVER

THREE GENERATIONS... THREE

PRESIDENCIES.

>> PRESIDENT CLINTON EVEN BEFORE

9/11 MADE OSAMA BIN LADEN PUBLIC

ENEMY NUMBER ONE.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA SEEMS TO DO

WELL WHEN HE DOES WHAT YOUR

FATHER DID.

>> YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

WHEN MY FATHER WENT INTO GRENADA

HE DIDN'T TELL THE WORLD HE WAS

GOING INTO GRENADA, HE DID IT.

>> Jon: THEY TOOK IT BACK TO

REAGAN!

(LAUGHTER)

THE GUY RESPONSIBLE FOR FUNDING

THE TALIBAN IN THE FIRST PLACE!

HOW DO YOU TAKE THIS...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I GUESS...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THE WHOLE THING'S MIND-BOGGLING.

WHY ARE WE LISTENING TO THE BUSH

ADMINISTRATION PEOPLE ANYWAY?

THEY DIDN'T GET BIN LADEN.

THEY'RE LIKE THE WINKLEVOSS

TWINS OF GETTING BIN LADEN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IF YOU WERE THE GUYS WHO WERE

GOING TO KILL BIN LADEN, YOU

WOULD HAVE KILLED BIN LADEN.

AND THE WORST PART ABOUT HEARING

ONCE AGAIN FROM ALL THE OLD

ADMINISTRATION HANDS?

>> I HAVE A PERSONAL

RELATIONSHIP WITH A LOT OF THE

SEALS AND SEAL TEAM SIX

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Jon: IT MADE MER THAT FIRST

UNCOOL THING I'VE EVER HEARD

ABOUT SEAL TEAM SIX.

(LAUGHTER)

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