Nuke Kid on the Block

  • Aired:  04/02/13
  •  | Views: 207,824

Kim Jong-un mobilizes his Photoshopped navy in preparation for war with the United States. (4:39)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW".

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

A GOOD ONE FOR YOU TONIGHT.

OUR GUEST JONATHAN SPERBER WRITTEN A NEW BIOGRAPHY OF KARL MAR.

X, THE LEAST FUNNY OF ALL THE MARX BROTHERS.

THE AWS TEARITY MEASURES FROM THE SEQUESTER ARE TAKING THE TOLL ONED THE NEEDY IN THIS COUNTRY.

THE GUN CONTROL IS LOSING MOMENTUM AND WALKING DEAD IS OFF THE AIR UNTIL OCTOBER AND THERE

WAS A FOURTH THING I KEEP FORGETTING.

>> NORTH KOREA IS ONE AGAIN RATCHETING UP TENSIONS WITH THE UNITED STATES.

>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH THAT WAS IT THREE OTHER BAD THINGS AND THEN THAT NORTH KOREA THING.

FOR SOME REASON NOBODY CAN FIGURE OUT NORTH KOREA HAS DECIDED TO RATCHET UP TENSIONS

OR TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY

[SPEAKING KOREAN]

[LAUGHTER]

AND NOW TO PHIL WITH SPORTS!

PHIL!

[LAUGHTER]

TAKE IT AWAY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

VERY ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT READING THE NEWSCAST.

VERY ANGRY.

FIRST OF ALL, WHAT AN IMPRESSIVE COPY OF NANCY GRACE'S SHOW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SECOND OF ALL, WHAT THE HELL NORTH KOREA.

WHEN DID ALL THIS START.

WHAT IS KIM JONG-IL'S BOY UP HERE?

>> KIM JONG-UN WARNED HIS FORCES ARE READY TO AS HE PUT IT "SETTLE ACCOUNTS WITH THE UNITED

STATES."

>> LOOK PAST THE PICTURE OF KIM JONG-UN.

THERE'S A CHART WITH MISSILE TRAILS AIMING AT HAWAII, CALIFORNIA, D.C. AND FOR SOME

REASON AUSTIN, TEXAS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jon: YOU ARE GOING TO BLOW UP AUSTIN, TEXAS.

WHAT ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO GET THE REST OF TEXAS.

IT ON YOUR SIDE?

[LAUGHTER]

OR -- ARE YOU TRYING TO GET THE REST OF TEXAS ON YOUR SIDE?

OR DID THEY REJECT YOUR INDI FILM LITTLE MISS UNSHINE.

IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE MAD ABOUT?

ALL RIGHT.

NICE LEGS.

OLD KIM IS TRYING TO SCARE US A LITTLE BIT.

THE BOMBING AUSTIN THING UNDERCUTS BUT WHAT SNELS.

>> THIS SHOWING NORTH KOREAN MILITARY LEADERS LOOKING AT A COMPUTER THAT LOOKS PRETTY ANTIQUATED.

>> Jon: LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.

IT DOESN'T LOOK ANTIQUATED IT LOOKS LIKE A HARPSICORD WITH A PANIC BUTTON.

PLANNING TO START A NUCLEAR WAR OR PLAY NIGHTS IN WHAT SATIN, WOW, AM I OLD.

I THOUGHT THAT WOULD LAND THERE BUT PERHAPS THE AUDIENCE WAS THINKING WELL THAT WAS ACTUALLY

NOT ON A HARDSICHORD.

THAT'S WHY WE DIDN'T LAUGH NOT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE (bleep) OLD MAN.

PROVOKE US, KIM.

>> NORTH KOREA RELEASED A PICTURE SHOWS AMPHIBIOUS PICTURES ENGAGED IN A MILITARY EXERCISE.

EXPERTS FOUND AT LEAST SIX OF HOVERCRAFT WERE PHOTOSHOPPED.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: FIRST OF ALL, SIX HOVERCRAFTS ARRRGH.

SECOND OF ALL THAT IS THE WORST PHOTOSHOP JOB I'VE DOCTOR I DON'T THINK IT'S PHOTOSHOPPED.

IT LOOKS LIKE MS PAINT.

WINDOWS 95 SLAM!

WOO!

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT?

OH, SON OF A BITCH!

I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH.

IT'S A JOKE.

WINDOWS 59 IS THE REVOLUTIONARY OPERATING SYSTEM THAT FORMED THE FOUNDATION FOR MUCH OF THE

TECHNOL

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