Oh, the Hermanity!

  • Aired:  11/09/11
  •  | Views: 130,548

Herman Cain swiftly moves to political sex scandal stage four: the press conference to assuage the damage caused by the mishandling of stages one through three. (6:38)

WELCOME TO DALE DAY MY NAME IS

JON STEWART.

WHAT A PROGRAM FOR YOU TONIGHT.

DEMOCRATIC MINORITY LEADER NANCY

PELOSI WILL BE JOINING US TO

EXPLAIN HOW A BILL BECOMES A

BILL.

WE DON'T REALLY KNOW.

HERMAN CAIN WAS ON TV.

I LOVE THAT GUY.

>> SOME PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO SEE

HERMAN CAIN GET THE REPUBLICAN

NOMINATION.

WHILE A BUSINESSMAN BY THE NAME

HERMAN CAIN STEPPED FORWARD.

HERE I AM.

THAT'S THE PERSON HERMAN CAIN

IS.

THAT'S THE THING ABOUT HERMAN

CAIN IS THAT THE PERSON PEOPLE

DON'T KNOW.

SOME PEOPLE DON'T WANT HERMAN

CAIN TO BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

>> Jon: WOW, NOW HERMAN CAIN

IS ACTING LIKE HE NEVER MET

HERMAN CAIN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHO TALKS IN THE THIRD PERSON.

MAYBE HERMAN CAIN IS THE HULK.

HERMAN CAIN SAD.

EITHER WAY JON STEWART ISN'T

PROUD.

[ LAUGHTER ]

TUESDAY'S PRESS CONFERENCE SHOWS

THAT SINCE WE HEARD ABOUTg6m| CAIN'S

OLD EMPLOYER THE NATIONAL

RESTAURANT ASSOCIATION SETTLING

TWO CLAIMS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT

AGAINST HIM MORE THAN A WEEK

AGO, WE SWIFTLY MOVED TO STAGE

FOUR OF A POLITICAL SEX SCANDAL.

STAGE ONE WAS LAST MONDAY.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALK

BSMG STAGE TWO WAS THAT SAME

NIGHT.

OH, RIGHT, THAT THING.

AND STAGE THREE WAS THE REST OF

THE WEEK -- I'M NOT GOING TO

TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.

WHICH BRINGS US BACK TO STAGE

FOUR THE PRESS CONFERENCE TO

ASSUAGE THE DAMAGE CAUSED BY HOW

BADLY HE HANDLED STEPS 1-3.

HE KICKED THINGS OFF AT A LOCAL

WHOLESALE FLAG WAREHOUSE WITH A

DEFINITIVE DENIAL.

>> I HAVE NEVER ACTED

INAPPROPRIATELY WITH ANYONE

PERIOD.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>>>> Jon: UNLESS YOU THINK

OFFERING A JOB IN EXCHANGE FOR A

ROADSIDE HUMMER IS IN

APPROPRIATE QUESTION MARK.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS SEMI COLON,

CLOSED PARETHESES.

THE DENY IS WHAT HE SHOULD HAVE

BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG.

HE HAS ONE IMPORTANT PERSON IN

HIS CORNER.

>> I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 43

YEARS TO MY GLORA.

MY WIFE SAID AND THIS WAS Aq

DIRECT QUOTE, I HAVE KNOWN YOU

FOR 46 YEARS.

THAT DOESN'T EVEN SOUND LIKE

ANYTHING WOULD YOU DO TO ANYONE.

>> Jon: WHAT KIND OF MARRIAGE

WOULD YOU HAVE IF WHEN YOU GET

ACCUSED OF PUTTING YOUR HANDS UP

OTHER WOMEN'S SKIRTS YOU ARE

WIFE GOES, THAT IS SO YOU.

THAT IS SO YOU, HERMAN.

THAT IS SO YOU.

SHE'S YOUR WIFE!

OF COURSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW YOU

DO THAT (bleep).

I BET YOUR WIFE DOESN'T KNOW

YOURER IN BET IS WROWZER HAS A

CLEAR HISTORY BUTTON ON IT.

IT'S YOUR WIFE, HERMAN.

YOU HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT.

>> WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO DO A

LIE DETECTOR TEST TO PROVE YOUR

HONESTY IN SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

>> YES.

GO AHEAD.

YES, I ABSOLUTELY WOULD.

>> Jon: NOW YOU ARE COOKING

WITH GAS HERMAN CAIN.

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

AS LONG AS YOU DON'T IMMEDIATELY

UNDERCUT THE POWER AFTER THIS

STATEMENT.

>> I WOULD BUT I'M NOT GOING TO

DO THAT UNLESS I HAVE A GOOD

REASON TO DO THAT.

>> Jon: A GOOD --

[ APPLAUSE ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

LET ME THINK OF A GOOD REASON.

OH, OH, I GOT ONE!

YOU ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF

FIVE FLAGS BEING ACCUSED OF

SEXUAL HARASSMENT THREATENING TOSINK YOU

CAMPAIGN.

THAT'S A PRETTY REASON.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I THINK MY FAVORITE PART OF

PRESS CONFERENCE WAS THIS NEXT

NUGGET.

THE FACT IS: THESE ANONYMOUS

ALLEGATIONS ARE FALSE AND NOW

THE DEMOCRAT MACHINE IN AMERICA

HAS BROUGHT FORTH A TROUBLED

WOMAN TO MAKE FALSE ACCUSATIONS.

>> Jon: AAHH, THE DEMOCRAT

MACHINE.

I BELIEVE I'VE SEEN ONE OF

THOSE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE DEMOCRAT MACHINE -- I DON'T

KNOW IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT

IT, FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND IT

COSTS BILLIONS OF DOLLARS.

I RUNS ON SOLAR ENERGY AND IT

TURNS HOPE INTO DISAPPOINTMENT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YEAH (bleep) DEAL WITH IT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[ LAUGHTER ]

REALLY THAT SOUND LIKE THAT JOKE

PHYSICALLY HURT THEM.

HOPING DO DISAPPOINT ME.

OH, MY BALDEROS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

MR. CAIN, NOTHING PERSONAL BUT I

DON'T THINK THE DEMOCRATS ARE

TRYING1/L TO SABOTAGE YOUR CAMPAIGN

BECAUSE A WE ALL KNOW DEMOCRATS

DON'T THINK SEXUAL MISCONDUCT

DISQUALIFIES YOU FROM HOLDING

THE PRESIDENCY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

(bleep) DEAL WITH IT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND, B, THEY'VE SEEN YOU DEBATE.

>> GENTLEMEN, BEFORE WE LEAVE

THE MEDICARE DISCUSSION, DEFINED

BENEFIT PLAN OR PREMIUM SUPPORT?

>> A DEFINED -- YOU GO FIRST,

NEWT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, AH, YEAH,

YOU KNOW, SO MANY SPECIFIC

THOUGHTS ABOUT DEFINED BENEFIT V

PREMIUM SUPPORT I NEED TO

ORGANIZE THEM IN A MATTER OF

THIS VERY KNEWANCE, SMOKE BOMB!

[ LAUGHTER ]

HERMAN CAIN IF YOU WANT TO BLAME

A POLITICAL PARTY FOR YOU HAVING

TO ADDRESS THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT

CLAIMS BLAME THE REPUBLICANS.

YOU ARE GETTING THIS LEVEL OFVOL

SCRUTINY BECAUSE YOU ARE THE

FRONT RUNNER AND YOU ARE ONLY

THE FRONT RUNNER BECAUSE YOU ARE

UP AGAINST THE KEYSTONE

CONSERVATIVES.

THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T LED

SO FAR ARE THE SO CALLED

REASONABLE ONE AND THE ONE WHOSE

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