Come On Jon Stewart - George W. Bush

  • Aired:  11/09/10
  •  | Views: 91,045

George W. Bush will receive a complimentary set of steak knives and a vintage 1994 McRib in mint condition if he comes on the show. (5:07)

DO YOU EVER WONDER, DO YOU EVER

COME TO A TAPING AND WONDER, ARE

THERE GUESTS YOU'D LIKE TO HAVE

ON THE SHOW BUT HAVE BEEN UNABLE

TO BOOK FOR ONE REASON OR

ANOTHER?

AS IT TURNS OUT THERE ARE.

TONIGHT I'VE LIKE TO OFFER ONE

SUCH RELUCK TANTS GUEST A SPOT

ON THIS PROGRAM WITH OUR NEW

SEGMENT -- REALLY?

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE CALLING IT?

IS THAT REALLY WHAT WE'RE...

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE WE'VE BEEN

OVER THIS BEFORE.

YOU KNOW, IT'S INTERESTING

BECAUSE IN ALMOST EVERY OTHER

WAY WE RUN SUCH A TIGHT SHIP.

THIS SEEMS LIKE AN EGREGIOUS

OVERSIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

TONIGHT I'D LIKE TO DEBUT OUR

SEGMENT BY ASKING, PRESIDENT

GEORGE W. BUSH TO COME -- I

THINK... I THINK IT'S A MOMENTUM

KILLER.

MR. PRESIDENT, I UNDERSTAND THAT

YOU ARE ON A BOOK TOUR TO

PROMOTE YOUR NEW BOOK... OOPS,

JON STEWART WAS RIGHT, I WAS NOT

A VERY GOOD PRESIDENT.

THAT'S NOT... DAMN YOU, PROPS

DEPARTMENT.

SABOTEURS.

LOOK, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU'RE

DOING A HUGE BOOK TOUR.

I KNOW THAT YOU'RE GOING TO BE

APPEARING ON NBC, CBS,

SYNDICATION, FOX, FOX, FOX AND

FOX AND MORE FOX.

YOU GET THE POINT.

WHY NO LOVE?

WHY NO LOVE?

WAS IT THE EIGHT YEARS OF

NON-STOP MOCKING?

( LAUGHTER )

THE EGREGIOUS OVERUSE OF CLIPS

SUCH AS, I DON'T KNOW, THIS ONE.

♪♪

♪♪

GOLD!

IT'S GOLD, JERRY!

WAS IT MY DEVASTATINGLY SPOT-ON

IMPRESSIONS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THEY CLOSED THEIR EYES AND IT

WAS LIKE YOU WERE IN THE ROOM

WITH US.

BECAUSE I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M

GOING TO DO, THIS IS FOR REAL,

YOU COME ON THE SHOW, THAT

IMPRESSION GONE!

IN FACT, I'LL CHANGE IT,

RECASTING YOU FROM A SMALL-TOWN

DEPUTY SHERIFF/PAUL LYNN

CHARACTER TO A MORE HEROIC,

GLORIOUS FIGURE.

"I'M THE DECIDER, HO, HO, HO,

AH."

NO?

NOTHING?

I CAN SEE WHY YOU WERE A TWO

TERMER.

SO I'M WILLING TO THROW IN, IF

YOU COME ON THIS PROGRAM,

COMPLIMENTARY SET OF STEAK

KNIVES.

TO BE USED ON THE STEAK OF YOUR

CHOICE.

OBVIOUSLY THE STEAK WILL NOT BE

INCLUDED AND YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY

FOR SHIPPING, BUT MY POINT IS

THIS: I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON

HERE.

STEELY RESOLVEMENT I'M STARTING

TO UNDERSTAND HOW THE JUAREZ

LUCIENS -- THE WAR RESOLUTIONS

GOT THROUGH CONGRESS WITH SUCH

EASE.

I KNOW YOU LOVE YOU SOME GOOD

TEXAS-STYLE BARBECUE.

THERE IS A LEGENDARY BARBECUE

SANDWICH, A BONELESS RIB

SANDWICH VIRTUALLY WATER BOARDED

IN DELICIOUS SAUCE THAT STILL

SOMEHOW MANAGED TO RETAIN ITS

BONE-LIKE SHAPE.

NOW, THIS DELICIOUS SANDWICH WAS

DISCONTINUED IN 1994 DUE TO

SOME, SAY, MISUNDERSTANDINGS OF

WHAT CONSTITUTES FOOD.

BUT A MEDALSOME GOVERNMENT

CANNOT STOP ME, MR. PRESIDENT.

BEFORE THEY WERE DISCONTINUED, I

STOCKPILED AN UNDISCLOSED AMOUNT

OF THESE DELICIOUS SANDWICHES IN

A SPECIALLY DESIGNED HYPERBARIC

CHAMBER THAT LOCKED IN... I'M

KIDDING.

I LEFT THEM IN MY MINIVAN, WHICH

FOR THE MOST PART WAS UNDERNEATH

MY CART PORT.

HERE IT IS, THE VINTAGE 1994

McRIB IN, WHAT I THINK... CAN

WE GET A SHOT OF THAT?

IN WHAT YOU WILL AGREE IS

BIZARRELY MINT CONDITION.

WHAT WOULD THIS FETCH AT

AUCTION?

MR. PRESIDENT, THIS ISN'T ABOUT

MONEY.

THIS IS PRICELESS.

AND IT'S YOURS IF YOU COME, IF

YOU ARE A GUEST ON THIS PROGRAM.

( LAUGHTER )

UNDERSTAND THERE IS NO OTHER WAY

TO GET YOUR HANDS ON A McRIB

THAN... WHAT'S THAT?

ON NOVEMBER 2nd THEY?

MOTHER [BLEEPED].

I AM SO ANGRY/EXCITED AND

HUNGRY.

DAMMIT.

WELL, ANYWAY, MR. PRESIDENT, YOU

HAVE MY NUMBER, OR AT LEAST

PASSED A PIECE OF LEGISLATION

THAT WOULD ALLOW YOU TO GET

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