State of the Union 2011 - Night of Too Many Promises

  • Aired:  01/26/11
  •  | Views: 244,257

Republicans and Democrats risk physical contact with each other, and an audience member gets excited about her presidential shout-out. (5:38)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE

"DAILY SHOW" LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN!

I'M JON STEWART.

POLITICAL AUTHOR JONATHAN ALTER

WILL BE JOINING US.

WE BEGIN WITH THE BIG POLITICAL

STORY OF...

YESTERDAY

( LAUGHTER )

LAST NIGHT, BARACK OBAMA

DELIVERED HIS SECOND STATE OF

THE UNION ADDRESS, ALONG WITH

WHAT APPEARS TO LOOK LIKE A

BUDDY COMEDY SCREEN PLAY HE

BELIEVES JOE BIDEN AND JOHN

BOEHNER WOULD BE PERFECT FOR.

IT'S CALLED WATER WORKS AND

MOTORMOUTH.

JOHN BOEHNER IS RALPH WATERWORKS

AND JOE BIDEN WON'T SHUT UP.

ANYHOW-- LAST NIGHT WAS A BIT

UNUSUAL.

N THAT TO HONOR RECUPERATING

COLLEAGUE GABBY GIFFORDSS

REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS SAT

TOGETHER RISKING PHYSICAL

CONTACT WITH PEOPLE WHO DISAGREE

WITH THEM POLITICALLY.

JOHN McCAIN AND JOHN KERRY

NATURALLY PAIRED OFF.

KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND AND JOHN

THUNE SAT TOGETHER TO REMIND

EVERYONE IF THE SENATE WAS EVER

CALLED UPON TO REPOPULATE THE

EARTH, THESE TWO WOULD PROBABLY

BE OUR BEST SHOT.

LAYOFF LAUGH

( APPLAUSE ).

OF COURSE, THE FIRST THING ANY

PRESIDENT HAS TO DO IS COME OUT

AND TELL EVERYONE THE STATE OF

THE UNION IS STRONG.

>> AMERICA'S FALLEN TO NINTH IN

THE PROPORTION OF YOUNG PEOPLE

WITH A COLLEGE DEGREE.

THE GOVERNMENT SPENDS MORE THAN

IT TAKES IN.

COUNTRIES IN EUROPE AND RUSSIA

INVEST MORES IN THE ROADS AND

RALE WAYS THAN WE DO.

CHINA IS BUILDING FASTER TRAINS.

WHEN OUR OWN ENGINEERS GRADED

OUR NATION'S INFRASTRUCTURE,

THEY GAVE US A "D."

( LAUGHTER )

GLON MY GOD, I THINK THIS MIGHT

BE AN INTERVENTION!

OR THE PRESIDENT IS ABOUT TO

GROUND US.

HEY, MAN!

WE'RE TRYING REALLY HARD!

>> SOUTH KOREAN HOMES NOW HAVE

GREATER INTERNET ACCESS THAN WE

DO.

LAST MONTH WE FINALIZED A TRADE

AGREEMENT WITH SOUTH KOREA.

IN SOUTH KOREA, TEACHERS ARE

DESCRIBED AS NATION BUILDERS.

>> Jon: WE'RE NOT SOUTH

KOREANS AND WE NEVER WILL BE!

HE HAS A POINT.

SOUTH KOREA IS DOING WELL THESE

DAYS.

IT'S AS THOUGH THEY HAVE

THOUSANDS OF SOLDIERS TAKING

CARE OF THEIR MILITARY NEEDS SO

THEY CAN FOCUS ON THE ECONOMY.

LIKE ALL GOOD COACHES, AFTER

TEARING US DOWN, COACH OBAMA

BUILTs BACK UP.

>> THIS IS A COUNTRY WHERE

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, NO MATTER

WHO YOU ARE.

NO MATTER WHERE YOU COME FROM.

AS CONTENTIOUS AND FRUSTRATING

AND MESSY AS OUR DEMOCRACY CAN

SOMETIMES BE, I KNOW THERE ISN'T

A PERSON HERE WHO WOULD TRADE

PLACES WITH ANY OTHER NATION ON

EARTH

( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: EXCEPT MAYBE SOUTH

KOREA WITH THEIR...

WIFI INTERNET ACCESS

( LAUGHTER )

TRADE AGREEMENTS!

WHY ARE YOU BEING SO NICE TO US

ALL OF A SUDDEN.

>> HALF A CENTURY AGO WHEN THE

SOVIET UNIONS BEAT US INTO SPACE

WITH THE LAUNCH OF SPUTNIK, WE

HAD NO IDEA HOW WE WOULD BEAT

THEM TO THE MOON.

WE UNLEASHED A WAVE OF

INNOVATIONS THAT CREATED NEW

INDUSTRIES AND MILLIONS OF NEW

JOBS.

THIS IS OUR GENERATION'S SPUTNIK

MOMENT.

>> Jon: ( BLEEP )!

GO HOME!

I'M WITH YOU.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

THE MOON?

MARS?

PLUTO?

PANDORA FOR THEIR RESERVES OF

DLIRS UNORBTANIUM?

>> WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE YEARS,

WE'LL MAKE IT POSSIBLE FOR

BUSINESSES TO DEPLOY THE NEXT

GENERATION OF HIGH-SPEED

WIRELESS COVERAGE TO 98% OF ALL

AMERICANS.

WITHIN 25 YEARS OUR GOAL IS TO

GIVE 80% OF AMERICANS ACCESS TO

HIGH-SPEED RAIL AND BECOME THE

FIRST COUNTRY TO HAVE A MILLION

ELECTRIC VEHICLES ON THE ROAD BY

2015.

>> Jon: THAT'S OUR SPUTNIK

MOMENT.

THEIRS WAS WE HAVE 10 YEARS TO

REACH THE MOON AND OURS WAS WE

HAVE 25 YEARS TO MAKE SURE 80%

OF US LIVE NEAR SOMEWHAT FASTER

TRAIN?

IT'S LIKE TELLING VINCE LOMBARDI

TELLING THE PACKERS I WANT YOU

TO LEAVE EVERYTHING ON THE

FIELD.

NOW GET OUT THERE AND COVER THE

SPREAD!

OF COURSE, THE EVENING WASN'T

ALL TRAINS AND WIFIS PURPOSE

THERE WERE HUMAN STORIES, REAL

AMERICANS WHO, BY INCREDIBLE

LUCK, HAPPENED TO BE IN THE

AUDIENCE THIS VERY NICE.

>> ONE MOTHER OF TWO, A WOMAN

NAMED KATHY PROCTOR HWORKED IN

THE FURNITURE INDUSTRY SINCE SHE

WAS 18 YEARS OLD.

AND SHE TOLD ME SHE'S EARNING

HER DEGREE IN BIOTECHNOLOGY NOW.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: IT WAS ACTUALLY AN

INCREDIBLY GENUINE HUMAN MOMENT

AND VERY LOVELY, ALTHOUGH

SOMEWHAT UNDERCUT BY HER

BEHAVIOR LATER IN THE SPEECH.

>> THAT DREAM IS A STORY OF A

SMALL BUSINESS OWNER NAMED BRAND

BRANDON FISHER.

THAT DREAM IS WHY A WORKING

CLASS KID FROM SCRANTON CAN SIT

BEHIND ME, HALFWAY ACROSS THE

WORLD.

33 MEN WERE TRAPPED IN THE

CHILEAN MINE.

>> Jon: YOU HAD YOUR

MOMENT!

LET THE MINERS HAVE THEIR

MOMENT!

OF COURSE, MISPROCTOR WASN'T THE

ONLY ONE IN THE AUDIENCE EXCITED

BY THEIR PRESIDENTIAL SHOUT-OUT.

>> OF COURSE AS WE SPEAK,

AL QAEDA AND HIRE AFFILIATES

CONTINUE TO PLAN ATTACKS AGAINST

US.

WE'VE ALSO TAKEN THE FIGHT TO

AL QAEDA, AND THEIR ALLIES

ABROAD.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Jon: I DON'T-- I DON'T

UNDERSTAND WHY

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