We Are the World

  • Aired:  02/01/11
  •  | Views: 82,269

Conservatives turn into political hypochondriacs, and no one is more neurotic than the Woody Allen of Fox News. (5:55)

BIG NEWS OUT OF EGYPT.

PRESIDENT MUBARAK UNDER SIEGE

IN HIS OWN COUNTRY HASe1

ANNOUNCED HE WIL

RE-ELECTION INe1 SEPTEMBER.

BUT HE WILL ALSO NOT STEPP,| DOWN

VOWING HE WILL GUYfá

WHICH THE PROTESTORS RESPONDED,

YES!okTR] RQ WON'T STEP DOWN.lp

MUBARAK SAYING IF YOU'LL

EXCUSE ME I'D LIKEYm| TO

INTRODUCE YOU TO A HOT YOUNG

POLITICAL LEADER WITH A0CIGHTxD

GENTLEMEN, MOSNIÑixD MUBARAK.

OF COURSE THE BIG QUESTION ON

EVERYBODY'S MINDfá IS EGYPT.

COULD IT HAPPEN HERE?e1

>> THIS EGYPTxD THING IS TRULY A

FRIGHTENING DEVELOPMENT THAT'S

ALL OVER THE WORLD STAGE.fáY3p5"d

I PUT IT AT 17%.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU PUT IT.

THIS IS WHAT THEY HAVE IN

EGYPT.jFMY

IF THISxD KEEPS GOING LIKE THIS,hP%| JUS

POINT THAT

EGYPT COULD HAPPEN IN AMERICA.$"9K

IMPOSSIBLE, SIR.

YOU CANt( TALKING ABOUT AMERICAçó

THE NUMBER ONE COUNTRYfá IN THE

WORLDt(.jF

ALL YOURt( PEEPS SAY SO.

>> THIS IS THE GREATEST ANDxD

FREEEST AND MOST PROSPEROUS

NATION IN THE HISTORY OF THE

WORLD.

>> THE U.S. IS THE GREATEST

BEST KNDNTRY GOD HAS EVER

GIVEN MAN ONt(ÏXHEw3 FACE OFfS? THE

EARTH.

>> AMERICA IS GREAT BECAUSE

AMERICA IS GOOD.

>> AMERICA IS STILL THEA5|

GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )t(

>> Jon: AMERICAÑi IS STILL THE

BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.

Ic

YOU SEE, AMERICA ISt( THE

BESTEST GREATEST COUNTRY INq

THE HISTORY OF EVER EVER WHICH

IS WHY IT IS S'

w"z)E ALSO ,%ç TENUOUSLY

PERCHED ON THE9

PLATITUDES.

>> WE CO

LIKE."| GREECE AND PORTUGAL AND

SPAIN.

>> WE'RE WAY CLOSER TO SPAINlp

AND GREECE AND IRELAND.

>> WE'RE GOING TO LOOK LIKE

GREECE OR IRELAND OR EVEN

SPAINñr AND ITALY.ok

>> TURNING AMERICA INTO

WESTERN EUROPE.

>> Jon: TURNINGt( AMERICA INTO

WESTERN Ñ)OPE BUT I DON'T

WANT TO RIDE A MO-PED.xDÑixéxDr

YOUjF KNOW, JUST BECAUSE WESTERN

EUROPE AND THE UNITED STATES

ARE RUNNING DEFICITS DOESN'T

NECESSARILY MEAN WE ARE

TURNING INTO THEM.

HAVING ONE THING IN COMMON

WITH ANOTHER COUNTRY DOESN'T

NECESSARILY MAKE USó[| THE SAME

ANY MORE THAN HAVING THE SAME

FACE TATTOO MAKES ANGELA

LANSBURYok THE SAME AS MIKEÑixs

REALLY THE ONLY THING THAT

THEY HAVE IN COMMON IS THAT

THEY SING INw3 THE SAME

REGISTER.

NP÷ THAT GEORGE BUSH IS OUT OF

OFFICE,e1xD WHENEVER CONSERVATIVES

THEY IMMEDIATELY THINK WE'RE

NEXT.

THEY BECOME LIKE POLITICAL

HYPOCHONDRIACS.ñr

BELIEVE ME, I KNOWjF

HYPOCHONDRIACS.xD

I'M JEWISH.ÑiÑi

DID YOU KNOW THE ORIGINAL NAMETZQ

LET ME SEE IF I CAN BE THE

REPUBLICANS' WEBB M.D.t(

IF WEñr DON'Tfá REVERSE COURSE AND

WE CONTINUE TO STIMULATE WE

WILL END UP WITHxD

HYPERINFLATION AND IT WILL BEó[

LIKE....

>> Jon: OH, IT WILL BE LIKE,

HYPERINFá!2%=9 KEEP

STIMULATING.t(fáxD

BRAZILITIS?

>> IT WILL BE LIKE ZIMBABWE.

>>xD Jon: NOT EVEN THEfT

CONTINENT.

CLEARLY THE RIGHT LOVES THIS

COUNTRY AND FEARS FOR IT.

THE LEFTok, OF COURSE, LOVES

THIS COUNTRYxDNB.

THEY JUST WISH IT WERE Açóçó

DIFFERENT COUNTRY.

>>Ñi SOUTH KOREAN HOMES HAVE

GREATER INTERNETq

WE DO.

>> A COUNTRY LIKE GERMANY

WHICH PAYS MUCH HIGHER WAGES

HAS SIGNIFICANTLY HIGHER

UNIONIZATION RATES THAN WE DO.

>> CHINA IS:

IS MOVING.

FINLAND IS MOVING.

>> OTHER COUNTRIES GET IT.

BRAZIL, INDIA, THEY'RE

INVESTING IN INDUSTRIES OF THE

FUTURE.

>> IF YOU GO TO EUROPE, IF YOU

GOKo

WHAT YOU'RE SEEING IS hSV$

SPEED RAIL.

>> Jon: PLUS IN AMSTERDAM YOU

CAN SMOKE WEED RIGHT IN FRONT

OF A COP.

NOTHING HE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

THE DEMOCRATS ARE THE FRIEND

THAT TRIESçóxD TO CHEER THE

MAKES IT WORSE.Ñi

ZIMBABWE.xDU

YOU WON'T DIE.

JUST INCREASED RISK OF ANALZv

CANCER.

THAT JUST MAKES THEñr

HYPOCHONDRIAC MORE NEUROTIC

AND NO ONE BECOMES MORE

NEUROTIC THAN THE WOODY ALLEN

OF FOX NEWS.xD

>> UNLESS WE FIXÑi OURSELVES WExD

GO THE WAY OF THE FRENCH.

>> IS IT

SOUND MORE AND MORE LIKE

VENEZUELA'S MEDIA SYSTEM THAN

AMERICA'S?

>> IS THIS AMERICA OR SOVIETlp

RUSSIA?

WE ARE MIRRORING THE WEIMAR

REPUBLIC.

WE'RE GOING TO BE MEXICO,

GANG.

IF WE DON'T

WE MAY BE ROME BECAUSE WEÑi ARE

NOT IMMUN

SAME FATE AS THEY DID.

>> J/6I THE SAME FATEt( AS ROME.FME8TOGA

PLEASURE.

WE SHOULD BEOQ.zÑ LUCKY.

I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING IF JUST

ONCE AFTER I HAVE SEX WITH A

WOMAN SHE WOULD ROLL OVERçó AND

SAY HAIL CAESAR.e1r

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

WE COULD BE THE WU

REPUBLIC, ZIMBABWE,5a| EGYPT.

GIVE IT TOÑi ME STRAIGHT.

WHAT IS THElp WORST CASE

SCENARIO HERE.

>> YOU HAVE ONTARIO TRYING TO

CUT THE PRICExD OF GENERIC

IN HALF.

QUEBEC INTRODUCING A NEW

MEDICAL TAX.

YOU'V%|p GOT A HUGEfá DEFICIT IN

CANADA THATxDc

SOCIALIZED MEDICINE.

WE ARE HEADED IN EXACTLYÑi THEq

SAME DIRECTION.

>> Jon: CANADA!ñrokV

GOD,xD IS THERExD ANYWAY YOU COULD

HELP US "OAT"?Zv|

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