David Sedaris

  • Aired:  05/09/13
  •  | Views: 96,354

While on his book tour, "Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls" author David Sedaris tests out several pet social theories. (6:50)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK, MY

GUEST ONE OF OUR FAVORITE

ITS, HIS NEW BOOK IS CALLED

LET'S EXPLORE DIABETES WITH

OWLS.

PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE

PROGRAM DAVID SEDARIS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: AN ABSOLUTE

PLEASURE.

FIRST OF ALL LET ME SAY YOU

LOOK TERRIFIC.

VERY NICE SUIT, I ENJOY IT

VERY MUCH.

LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR BOOK.

YOU ARE ALL OVER THE-- HOW

FAR YOUR BOOK TOUR IS, HOW

MANY CITIES, HOW MANY-- DO

YOU EVEN KNOW ANY MORE?

>> I THINK IT'S LIKE 60 OR

57.

BUT I STARTED, I THINK I'VE

BEEN TO LIKE 36 CITIES SO

FAR.

>> 36 CITIES.

WHICH ONE DID YOU HATE THE

MOST?

ANY OF THEM?

>> I JUST NOTICED HOW PEOPLE

DRESS DIFFERENTLY IN -- LIKE

IN RENO, NEVADA, THE ICE

BREAKING QUESTION WHEN I WAS

SIGNING BOOKS IS WHY DID YOU

CHOOSE THAT T-SHIRT.

I MEAN YOU THINK THIS WAS

LIKE A LECTURE TOUR SO

PEOPLE BOUGHT TICKETS AND

THEY'RE GOING TO THE

THEATRE.

SO YOU WOULD JUST THINK

MAYBE YOU WOULD PUT ON A

LONG PAIR OF PANTS OR A

SHORTS THAT WEREN'T CUTTOFF,

MAYBE, IF YOU WERE GOING

TO-- BUYING A TICKET.

>> Jon: WHAT WAS THE CLIMATE

LIKE, WAS IT PARTICULARLY

HOT AND HUMID ENVIRONMENT

THAT PEOPLE THOUGHT WELL, I

DON'T WANT TO PERSPIRE.

>> I ASKED A WOMAN WEARING A

COUNT CHOCKULA T-SHIRT.

AND SHE WAS IN HER 60s.

AND I SAID IS THAT YOUR GOOD

COUNT CHOCKULAT-SHIRT.

AND SHE SAID I DIDN'T ANYONE

WAS GOING TO NOTICE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK IS THE

SAME-- YOU KNOW WHEN PEOPLE

GO TO THE GROCERY STORE

WEARING ANYTHING.

I THINK IT'S THE SAME, YOU

KNOW, ACCEPT THEY BOUGHT A

TICKET AND THEY SPENT $50 OR

$60 BUCKS.

SAME THINKING.

BUT THE PEOPLE ARE ALL-- I

MEAN I LIKE THEM.

I MEAN I LIKE THEM ALL

PERFECTLY FINE.

YOU JUST NOTICE FROM CITY TO

CITY.

>> Jon: WERE THERE OTHER

CITIES, ARE THERE SOME

PEOPLE THAT COME IN A TOP

HAT AND TAILS, LIKE IS THERE

A MORE FORMAL.

>> SAN FRANCISCO I FIND

PEOPLE-- .

>> Jon: ARE THEY TRYING TO

HARD IN SAN FRANCISCO, DO

YOU THINK?

>> NO, NO, THEY-- BUT THEY

PUT A LITTLE EFFORT INTO IT.

THAT'S JUST, I NOTICED.

>> Jon: DID YOU FIND ANYONE

CAME UP TO THE TABLE AND YOU

DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING AND THEY

WERE LIKE HUH.

I WORKED REALLY HARD ON THIS

OUTFIT, LIKE DID ANYONE COME

OUT WITH APPELLETTES OR

MICHAEL JACKSON OUTFIT OR

ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

>> NOTHING THAT SEVERE.

>> Jon: I LOVE THE COUNT

CHOCULA THING BECAUSE I

DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT THAT

T-SHIRT, LIKE SHE MUST HAVE

GOTTEN IT WHEN SHE WAS 20.

>> SHE WAS IN HER MID 60s

AND HAD A COUNT CHOCULA

T-SHIRT ON IT.

AND I THINK SHE HAD PANTS ON

WITH IT BUT IT WAS A WHOLE

OUTFIT.

SHE WAS WORKING THE WHOLE

OUTFIT.

>> Jon: WE CAN SETTLE THIS

NOW, YOU HAVE 30 MINUTES TO

GO.

I THINK YOU SHOULD ASK

PEOPLE TO WEAR THE SAME

THING.

EVERYONE SHOULD COME IN LIKE

THE YELLOW JUMP SUIT.

>> WELL, I LIKE-- I NOTICE

THERE ARE PEOPLE ON THE BOOK

TOUR AND THEY ARE LIKE THAT.

BUT I TALK TO PEOPLE SO MUCH

THAT THEY ARE LIKE LET ME

LET YOU GO.

LET ME LET YOU GO.

BECAUSE--

(LAUGHTER)

I AM EITHER IN A ROOM BY

MYSELF, I'M EITHER IN A ROOM

BY MYSELF WRITING OR I'M OUT

IN THE WORLD.

SO I-- AND SO IT'S GOOD

OPPORTUNITY IN THERE IS THAT

THEORY THAT I'M WORKING OR A

POLL THAT I WANT TO TAKE.

AND-- .

>> Jon: A POLL --

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: YOU'RE ASKING-- SO

AT A BOOK SIGNING SOMEONE

WILL COME UP TO YOU AND YOU

ARE ASKING THEM POLLING

QUESTIONS.

>> YEAH.

LIKE I HAVE A THEORY WHEN I

STARTED THIS TOUR THAT MEN

WITH BEARDS HAD GUNS.

>> Jon: UH-HUH.

>> BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE

DISCOVERED--

(LAUGHTER)

>> WHAT I HAVE DISCOVERED

MEN WITH BEARDS HAVE FATHERS

WHO HAVE GUNS.

I'M 80% RIGHT ON THIS, 80%

RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: MEN WITH BEARDS-- HAVE

FATHERS WHO HAVE GUNS.

WHERE IS THE BEARD GROWN AT

GUNPOINT?

WAS THIS--

(LAUGHTER)

IS THIS A SITUATION WHERE

THEY WOULDN'T NORMALLY GROW

IT BUT THE FATHER IS LIKE, I

INSIST.

>> I MET A GUY AND HE WAS

FROM-- HIS FAMILY FROM

SOUTHEAST, HE HAD LIKE 17

HAIRS ON HIS CHIN.

HIS DAD HAD BULLETS, NOT A

GUN.

NOT A GUN.

I DON'T KNOW IF HE WAS GOING

TO THROW THEM AT PEOPLE OR

WHAT BUT HIS SDAD JUST HAD A

BOX OF BULLETS BUT NO GUN.

>> Jon: DO YOU FIND THAT

DIFFERENT-- LIKE IF SOMEONE

HAD A FULL BEARD WOULD YOU

BE LIKE WE HAVE TO

INVESTIGATE THIS MAN'S

FATHER.

LIKE HE WOULD HAVE AN

ARSENAL, LIKE WERE SMALLER

FACIAL HAIR CONFIGURATIONS

CORRELATED WITH SMALLER

WEAPONRY?

>> NO, I MET PEOPLE WITH

LIKE VAN DYKES WHOSE DAD HAD

ARSENALS.

>> Jon: REALLY?

>> UH-HUH.

>> Jon: AND WOULD THEY EVER

BE TAKEN ABACK LIKE WHY DOW

WANT TO KNOW?

LIKE THAT?

>> YEAH.

BUT THEN ALSO ON THIS SCORE,

I WAS OUT WITH A FRIEND AND

I HAVE KNOWN HIM SINCE

JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.

AND WE WENT TO A RESTAURANT

FOR LUNCH AND THE WAITRESS

ASKED IF WE WANTED DESSERT.

WE HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT,

WE THOUGHT OKAY, LET'S SHARE

GET A PIECE OF BANANA CREAM

PIPE PIE.

AND I LOOKED ACROSS THE ROOM

AND THERE WERE TWO OTHER MEN

SPLITTING A PIECE OF PIE.

THEY WERE AROUND OUR AGE AND

THEY WERE GAY.

I AM ASSUMING THEY WERE

WERE-- BECAUSE STRAIGHT MEN

WOULD NOT SHARE DESSERT.

SO I STARTED ASKING MEN AT

THE BOOK SIGNING, WOULD

SHARE A DESSERT WITH ANOTHER

GUY.

AND THEY SAID, LIKE ONE GUY

SAID YOU KNOW, WOULD SHARE A

PLATE OF BUFFALO WINGS.

(LAUGHTER)

HE SAID-- BUT LIKE A PIECE

OF PIE, THAT'S JUST CROSSING

THE LINE.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: I'M PRETTY SECURE IN

MY SEXUALITY BUT FOR THE

FIRST TIME BECAUSE AS SOON

AS YOU SAID THAT SURE I

SHARE PIE ALL THE TIME SO

NOW I HAVE TO FEEL LIKE OH,

GOD S THIS THE RIGHT

LIFESTYLE I'M LEADING RIGHT

NOW.

I'M GOING GO HOME TO MY WIFE

AND BE LIKE HONEY, I THINK

WE HAVE TO TALK.

>> I MET THESE OTHER GUYS

AND THEY HAD JUST RECENTLY

SHARED A PIECE OF CAKE BUT

THEY TOLD THE WAITRESS,

WE'RE NOT GAY.

LIKE THEY WANTED TO

ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THEY

WEREN'T GAY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> BUT THEN I MET A WHOLE

OTHER KIND OF GUY WHOSE'S

JUST ALL ABOUT THE DESSERT.

AND HE WOULD EAT FROSTING

OFF ANOTHER MAN'S [BLEEP] IF

IT WAS-- IF--

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: GO AHEAD, GO AHEAD.

>> IF THAT'S WHAT IT WAS

BEING SERVED ON, YOU KNOW.

>> Jon: SEE, HERE'S HOW I

KNOW I'M NOT GAY.

IN THAT SITUATION, I WOULD

DO THIS.

ALL RIGHT-- ON THE BOOK

SHELVES NOW, DAVID SEDARIS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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