Bore Games

  • Aired:  09/27/12
  •  | Views: 162,537

The United Nations General Assembly nearly fails to deliver any of the high drama, red meat rhetoric and innovative prop comedy for which it is known. (6:32)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WELCOME BACK.

AS ANYBODY'S COMMUTE INVOLVING EVEN A PASSING THOUGHT OF THE EAST SIDE OF MANHATTAN KNOWS THE U.N.

GENERAL ASSEMBLY IS IN TOWN.

I GOT TO CONFESS, I LOVE IT.

BECAUSE THE U.N. IS WHERE YOU GET TO SEE COUNTRIES GO INSANE.

WHETHER IT'S KHRUSHCHEV ATTACK ININDIVIDUALABLE TABLE GNOMES WITH HIS FIST OR QADDAFI DRESSED LIKE TYNE

DALY THROWING THE CHARTER AROUND OR HUGO CHAVEZ COMPLAINING ABOUT THE ROOM'S AIR QUALITY.

>> TODAY THE DEVIL CAME HERE, RIGHT HERE.

>> RIGHT HERE.

AND IT SMELLS OF SULFUR STILL TODAY.

>> Jon: SMELLS OF SULFUR PRETTY BOLD MOVE OF THEN PRESIDENT BUSH SPECIFICALLY SINCE THE CHARTER

SPECIFICALLY SAYS THAT HE WHO SMELLT IT-- (LAUGHTER) SHALL BE CONSIDERED TO HAVE DEALT IT.

ANYWAY, GIVEN THAT HISTORY, THE CURRENT STATE OF THE WORLD, EVERYONE WAS EXPECTING SOME HIGH DRAMA DURING THIS WEEK'S SESSION.

>> AND NOW TO THAT SHOWDOWN OVER IRAN.

>> ALL EYES ARE ON THE UNITED NATION.

>> FIERY RHETORIC FROM THE IRANIAN PRESIDENT.

>> NEXT UP OF COURSE THE SHOWDOWN OVER IRAN.

WE'LL SEE IT ALL PLAY OUT AT THE UNITED NATIONS.

>> Jon: IT'S ON, WORLD WAR III, PRESIDENT OBAMA OPENED SO HE HAD A CHANCE TO DRAW FIRST BLOOD.

>> THE IRAN YEN GOVERNMENT CONTINUES TO PROP UP A DICTATOR IN DAMASCUS AND SUPPORTS TERRORIST GROUP AS BROAD.

TIME AND AGAIN IT HAS FAILED TO TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO DEMONSTRATES THAT NUCLEAR PROGRAM IS PEACEFUL.

>> Jon: OH YEAH.

HERE IT COME, PEOPLE, PRESIDENT OBAMA IS GOING TO BE LIKE, SO IT IS 0800, BOMBING STARTS IN AN HOUR,

WHO HERE WANTS TO BE IN A COALITION OF THE WINNING BECAUSE WE'RE ABOUT TO

[BLEEP] DEMOCRACY!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> SO LET ME BE CLEAR, AMERICA WANTS TO RESOLVE THIS ISSUE THROUGH DIPLOMACY.

>> Jon: DIPLOMACY?

YOU'RE JOHNNIE JONES A LOT.

DR. SEAL TEAM 6.

THE GUY WHO MADE SURE THERE'S NO I IN BIN LADEN.

(LAUGHTER) AND SUDDENLY YOU'RE UP THERE PRACTICALLY QUOTING GANDHI.

>> IT'S TIME TO HEED THE WORDS IN GANDHI, INTOLERANCE IS ITSELF A FORM OF VIOLENCE AND AN OBSTACLE TO THE

GROWTH OF A TRUE DEMOCRATIC SPIRIT.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, SURE, GANDHI SAID THAT BUT I WOULD HAVE GONE WITH ANOTHER GANDHI QUOTE F I MAY, I CAME

HERE TOO FAST OR KIBLING ASS.

-- AND I'M ALL OUT OF NO FOOD.

WHAT?

TELL ME GANDHI WASN'T CRANKY FROM THE HUNGER.

I FASTED FOR ONE DAY YESTERDAY AND I WAS READY TO PUNCH A BABY.

SO OBAMA LET ME DOWN A LITTLE BIT.

BUT YOU KNOW WHO NEVER DISAPPOINTS, A AHMADINEJAD WHAT A GUY, RIGHT, CAN'T LIVE WITH HIM, CAN'T GET HIM

TO ADMIT THE HOLOCAUST REALLY HAPPENED.

ALL RIGHT, I DON'T WANT TO SAY THE GUY HAS BEEN TANKERS WITH NUCLEAR BOMBS BUT BEFORE HE WALKED INTO THE

U.N. THAT MARBLE BEHIND HIM WAS WHITE.

DUDE'S RADIOACTIVE.

LET'S TAKE A LISTEN.

>> I AM HERE TO VOICE THE DEVINE AND HUMANITARIAN MESSAGE OF LEARNED MEN AND WOMEN OF MY COUNTRY.

A MESSAGE THAT IRAN'S GREAT OR THER AND POET SAADIN PRESENTED TO HUMANITY IN HIS ETERNAL TWO-LINE POETRY.

>> Jon: OH, I REMEMBER THAT POEM.

IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

AL HICKORY AL DICK ORY DOCK, THE ZIONISTS CAN EAT --

>> GIVE ME SOME THAT OLD TIME I HATE YOUR RELIGION.

>> I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT MUSLIMS, CHRISTIANS, JEWS, HINDU, BUDDHISTS AND OTHERS HAVE ANY PROBLEM AMONG THEMSELVES.

OR ARE HOSTILE AGAINST EACH OTHER.

THEY GET ALONG TOGETHER COMFORTABLY.

>> Jon: AH, IF BY COMFORTABLY YOU MEAN WITH NEARLY CONSTANT BLOODSHED.

I MEAN IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE A SHOT AT THE JEWISH GLOBAL CABAL RUINING YOUR LIFE, AT LEAST THROW AN

INSULT THE AMERICANS WAY, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.

>> ARE WE TO BELIEVE THAT THOSE WHO SPENT MONEY-- HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF COLORS ON ELECTION CAMPAIGNS HAVE THE INTERESTS

OF THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD AT THEIR HEART?

>> Jon: REALLY, YOU ARE GOING TO GO AFTER US WITH CAMPAIGN-FINANCE REFORM?

I SAY TO YOU, THE WORLD BODY, IF McCAIN-FEINGOLD WAS NOT SO TOOTHLESS, THE PREVALENCE OF SUPER PACS-- ISN'T

ANYBODY GOING TO GIVE US THE RED MEAT RHETORIC AND INNOVATIVE PROP COMEDY WE HAVE COME TO EXPECT FROM THE

UNITED NATIONS?

>> THIS IS A BOMB-- (LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

>> THIS IS A FUSE.

IN THE CASE OF IRAN'S NUCLEAR PLANS TO BUILD A BOMB, A RED LINE SHOULD BE DRAWN RIGHT HERE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, I JUST GOT TO SAY, BEBE, BUBBI, WHAT'S WITH THE WILEY COYOTE NUCLEAR BOMB?

ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO PRETEND, ARE YOU GOING TO PRETEND THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A NUCLEAR BOMB LOOKS LIKE?

YOU'RE ISRAEL.

RUN DOWNSTAIRS AND LOOK IN THE BATESMENT.

ALTHOUGH IF THAT IS THE SORT OF BOMB WE'RE DEALING WITH I THINK I'VE GOT A PRETTY EASY SOLUTION TO THIS ENTIRE IRAN PROBLEM.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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