Dealageddon! - A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Compromise - The Super Committee

  • Aired:  08/03/11
  •  | Views: 108,367

Even a congressional super committee might not be able to save Congress from its archenemy: the disappointed American people. (3:03)

POLISH MY CUP OF SLOT MACHINE

TOKENS.

STILL, AFTER ALL THE SHOUTING

WAS DONE, THE IMPORTANT THING IS

WE GOT A DEAL.

THE COUNTRY HAS FINALLY GOT ITS

SPENDLING AND DEBT UNDER

CONTROL.

>> THIS IS HOW MUCH OUR DEBT WAS

GOING TO RISE BEFORE THE

COMPROMISE DEAL, NEARLY $29

TRILLION IN TEN YEARS.

THIS IS HOW IT LOOKS AFTERWARDS.

THE BLACK SHOWS HOW MUCH OF THE

OVERSPENDING WILL BE CUT, DOWN

TO $26 TRILLION.

[AUDIENCE REACTS]

[BOOING]

>> Jon: THAT'S WHAT THIS WHOLE

[BLEEPED] THING WAS ABOUT?

THIS WHOLE BROUHAHA ACCORDING TO

DIANE SAWYER'S PARALLELOGRAM OF

DISAPPOINTMENT MANAGED TO REMOVE

ONE CHOCOLATE SHAVING FROM OUR

DAIRY QUEEN GUT-BUSTER SUNDAE OF

DEBT.

>> THEY'RE CALLING IT THE SUPER

COMMITTEE.

>> IT HAS SUPERPOWERS.

>> A DOZEN MEMBERS OF CONGRESS.

>> EVENLY DIVIDE BETWEEN

REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS.

>> CHARGED WITH FINDING $1.5

TRILLION IN DEFICIT SAVINGS.

>> A SUPER COMMITTEE.

>> A SUPER CONGRESS WITH SUPER

POWERS.

>> THE SUPER COMMITTEE DEALS

WITH EVERYTHING.

>> Jon: OUR PRAYERS ARE

ANSWERRERED.

AMERICA'S OWN LEGION OF DOOFS,

BUT WHICH OF OUR LEADERS HAS

POWERS FAR ABOVE THOSE OF MORTAL

LEGISLATORS.

IT MIGHT INCLUDE HARRY REID, AKA

THE SENATOR DRONE.

HE'LL TALK TO YOU ABOUT THINGS

FOR A LONG TIME.

SENATOR JON KYL, THE TRICKLER.

HIS GOLDEN STREAM OF PROTECTION

SHIELDS THE RICH.

I'M SORRY, THE JOB CREATORS.

OH, LOOK, IT'S PROFESSOR KVETCH,

DROWNING OUT OPPONENTS WITH HIS

SUPERSONIC WHINE.

THE GENTLEMAN FROM NEW YORK

WOULD LIKE TO RECOGNIZE...

SENATOR JOHN McCAIN, OR OLD

MAN MAN.

BITTEN BY A RADIOACTIVE EVEN

OLDER MAN, OLD MAN MAN ALWAYS

GETS HIS WAY AND ANY BALLS THAT

HAPPEN THE LAND IN HIS YARD.

TOGETHER WITH SOME OTHER PEOPLE,

THEY ARE THE SUPER COMMITTEE.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT CAN EVEN THE SUPER COMMITTEE

SAVE CONGRESS AT THIS POINT FROM

CONGRESS'S ARCHENEMY, THE

AMERICAN PEOPLE?

>> NEW POLL NUMBERS JUST OUT,

LOOKS LIKE THE COUNTRY FEELS

LIKE WASHINGTON HAS ACTED LIKE A

BUNCH OF SPOILED CHILDREN.

>> 17% BELIEVE THAT ELECTED

OFFICIALS ACTED LIKE RESPONSIBLE

ADULTS.

77% SAY ELECTED OFFICIALS WHO

DEALT WITH THE DEBT CEILING

CRISIS HAVE ACTED LIKE SPOILED

CHILDREN.

>> THE POLLSTERS TELL US

AMERICANS ARE USING WORDS LIKE

"RIDICULOUS," DISGUSTING,

STUPID, CHILDISH, DISAPPOINTING

AND A JOKE TO DESCRIBE THEIR

ELECTED REPRESENTATIVES.

>> Jon: OTHERS MERELY BELCHED

OR FARTED INTO THE PHONE.

ONE OUTRAGED CITIZEN MAILED IN A

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