Hope and Change 2 - Day One of the 2012 Democratic National Convention

  • Aired:  09/05/12
  •  | Views: 36,429

The Democratic National Convention co-opts supposedly Republican-owned issues, like the military and Christian moral values, and doubles down on rising Latino stars. (5:14)

A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE.

LAST NIGHT WAS THE OFFICIAL OPENING OF THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION, OF COURSE,

THE MEMORY OF LAST WEEK'S REPUBLICAN PLATITUDETHON IS STILL FRESH IN EVERYONE'S MIND.

THE CONVENTION THAT TAUGHT US THAT AMERICA IS THE GREATEST SELF-RELIANT MOM AND DAD EAGLE

CREATOR THAT HAS EVER EXISTED IN THE HISTORY OF JESUS!

LET ME REFRESH YOUR MEMORY.

>> GOD BLESS OUR MILITARY MEN AND WOMEN WHO ARE IN HARM'S WAY TODAY.

>> RESPECT THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY CONCERNED ABOUT DECAYING MORAL VALUES.

>> THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IS THE GREATEST JOB GENERATING OPPORTUNITY-EXPANDING COUNTRY

EVER CREATED!

>> Jon: YES, REPUBLICANS WE KNOW GOD, FAITH, FAMILY, JOBS,

IT'S... SORRY?

OH, THOSE WERE THE DEMOCRATS?

(LAUGHTER) (BLEEP) REALLY?

YES, IF YOU TUNED IN LAST NIGHT,

NOT ONLY WOULD YOU HAVE GOTTEN A STRONG DOSE OF SUPPOSEDLY REPUBLICAN-OWNED THEMES OF

FAMILY VALUES, SELF-RELIANCE AND FAITH, THE DEMOCRATS EVEN THREW IN SOME BONUS PATRIOTISM,

INCLUDING TALK OF MILITARY FAMILIES, SACRIFICE, AND ACTUAL WAR HEROES!

IN MUCH THE SAME WAY THAT LAST WEEK THE REPUBLICANS LOADED UP THEIR STAGE WITH DIVERSITY TO

FIGHT THE NOTION THEY'RE A PARTY OF WHITE GUYS.

LAST NIGHT, THE DEMOCRATS PUSHED BACK ON THEIR STEREOTYPE WITH SO MANY SOLDIERS AND CLERGYMEN YOU

COULD ALMOST FORGET YOU WERE WATCHING THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION.

>> I'M JEWISH, I'M GAY, I'M A FATHER.

>> Jon: ALMOST.

(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) OF COURSE, DEMOCRATS HAD THE DIVERSITY ANGLE WELL COVERED BY

FILLING THE CONVENTION HALL WITH DEMOCRATS.

(LAUGHTER) YET, BLACK PEOPLE, ASIANS,

SIKHS, JEWS, MUSLIMS, HIPPIES!

VETERANS!

BABIES!

1940s BOXING REPORTERS!

1840s SHERIFFS!

NA'VI AMERICANS!

GAY SERVICE DROIDS!

MUPPET AMERICANS AND, OF COURSE,

NEWMAN!

HELLO, NEWMAN!

BY THE WAY, THAT WAS REAL.

NEWMAN WAS ACTUALLY THERE.

(LAUGHTER) HOW EFFORTLESSLY DIVERSE IS THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY?

REMEMBER THE FOLKS AT THE R.N.C.

OVERRISING LATINO STAR MARCO RUBIO?

THE DEMOCRATS HAVE NOT ONLY A RISING LATINO STAR IN SANTONIO MAYOR JULIAN CASTRO, THEY HAVE

AN EXTRA ONE OF HIM IN CASE HE BREAKS!

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!

DEMOCRATS HAVE SO MANY LATINOS THEY'VE GOT DOUBLES!

(LAUGHTER) COLLECT THEM ALL, TRADE WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

(LAUGHTER) BUT ALL OF THAT WAS TANGENTIAL TO D.N.C. NIGHT ONE'S PRIME

DIRECTIVE: BEATING BACK THE REPUBLICAN NARRATIVE THAT OBAMA WAS A FAILED PRESIDENT WHO HAD

ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING.

AND BEAT IT BACK THEY DID.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA SAVED THE AUTO INDUSTRY.

>> SAVED A MILLION JOBS.

>> THANKS TO BARACK OBAMA, JAMES IS WORKING 60 HOURS A WEEK ON THE JEEP LIBERTY LINE.

>> YES!

TODAY JAMES' LIFE IS ENDLESS TOIL AND MISERY THANKS TO BARACK... OH.

ANYWAY, THE POINT IS... I'M SORRY, YOU'RE NOT DONE?

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS KEPT THOUSANDS OF FIRST RESPONDERS ON THE JOB.

>> HE'S SAVED THE JOBS OF TEACHERS.

>> BECAUSE OF PRESIDENT OBAMA'S COURAGE...

>> HE INVESTED IN CLEAN ENERGY,

MADE HEALTH CARE A RIGHT.

>> Jon: MADE AMERICAN BABIES 15% CUTER!

HE INVENTED A CAR THAT RUNS ON HUGS!

PRESIDENT OBAMA SET UP THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT WITH THE STATUE OF LIBERTY.

OH, YES, IT SEEMS OBVIOUS NOW!

(LAUGHTER) ANYTHING ELSE?

>> WHEN A VIOLENT EGYPTIAN MOB STORMED THE ISRAELI EMBASSY IN

CAIRO IT WAS PRESIDENT OBAMA WHO INTERVENED TO ENSURING THE SAFETY OF THE ISRAELIS.

>> Jon: WHAT IS HE (BLEEP)ING IRON MAN NOW?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) LOOK, WE GET IT.

OBAMA'S BEEN BUSY.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS WORKED WITH OUR SMALL BUSINESSES.

PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS WALKED WITH SENIORS.

WITH OUR YOUNG PEOPLE.

WITH AMERICA'S WOMEN.

AND PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS WALKED WITH THE HISPANIC COMMUNITY.

>> Jon: BUT WHEN THE HISPANIC COMMUNITY LOOKED BACK, THERE WAS ONLY ONE SET OF FOOTPRINTS.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, THOUGH, WITH THAT COMMITMENT TO ALL THAT WORK

MY GUESS IS IT'S THE FAMILY LIFE THAT'S SUFFERED.

>> THAT'S THE MAN WHO SITS DOWN WITH ME AND OUR GIRLS FOR DINNER NEARLY EVERY NIGHT.

>> Jon: AND EATS LIKE A (BLEEP)ING HORSE.

(LAUGHTER) YOU HEARD HOW MUCH HE WALKS,

RIGHT?

(LAUGHTER) SAVING JOBS IN THE DAY, HISPANIC SPEED WALKING IN THE AFTERNOON,

SITTING DOWN WITH THE KIDS AT DINNER.

BEDTIME?

>> EVERY NIGHT PRESIDENT OBAMA READS TEN LETTERS FROM EVERYDAY AMERICANS.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: I... I AM A LAZY AS

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