NRA Convention 2013

  • Aired:  05/06/13
  •  | Views: 48,479

The speeches at the 142nd annual convention of the National Rifle Association are just like the ones at CPAC, except with better introductions. (4:32)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: WELCOME!

TO THE "DAILY SHOW."

HOW ARE YOU?

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE HAVE A PROGRAM FOR YOU

TONIGHT THAT I THINK YOU'RE

GOING TO FIND TOP NOTCH.

OUR GUEST, CNN CORRESPONDENT

CHRISTINE AMANPOUR.

OH, CNN CORRESPONDENT.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW THEY

RUIN HER.

( LAUGHTER )

SHE'S VERY GOOD.

IT WON'T BE EASY.

BUT THEY'LL TRY.

I HOPE YOU GUYS HAD A GOOD

WEEKEND.

I HAD A VERY NICE WEEKEND.

I SPENT A GOOD TWO MINUTE OF IT

WATCHING THE KENTUCKY DERBY.

( LAUGHTER )

THE REST OF IT I SPENT WATCHING

THE 142nd ANNUAL CONVENTION

OF THE NATIONAL RIFLE

ASSOCIATION HELD THIS YEAR IN

PARK SLOPE BROOK-- OH, NO, I

MEAN-- I'M SORRY, HOUSTON,

TEXAS.

WHERE HIGH-VELOCITY PROJECTILE

LOVERS OF ONE STRIPE CAME

TOGETHER TO RAISE THEIR HANDS IN

THE AIR!

NOT TO PARTY LIKE THEY JUST

DON'T CARE ABOUT HIGH-5 EACH

OTHER WITH THEIR NON-GUN-HOLDING

HANDS.

( LAUGHTER )

IT WAS TO CELEBRATE THE SINGLE

ISSUE-- THE MEMBERS OF THE

NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION.

>> THE OBAMA LIBERALS WANT TO

DISREGARD THE 10th AMENDMENT

AND TRYING TO IMPLEMENT

OBAMACARE AND TAKE AWAY OUR

LIBERTY.

>> Jon: I'M SORRY, GENERAL

PATTON.

I--

( LAUGHTER )

ANYWAY, OBAMA'S HEALTH CARE

REFORM IS DESIGNED TO TAKE YOUR

LIBERTIES.

FOCUSOK GUN AND RIFLE-RELATED

ISSUES SO--

>> WHEREY ARE THEY GOING AFTER

CHAPLAINS IN THE MILITARY SAYING

THEY CAN'T EVANGELIZE AND

PROSELYTIZE?

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: MY GUESS IS THAT

WORD DOES NOT MEAN WHAT IENING

IT MIGHT MINE.

AGAIN, IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT.

THE WAR ON CHRISTIANS THERE.

BUT GETTING BACK TO GUNS.

>> WE'RE CREATING JOBS, DAY IN

AND DAY OUT IN THIS STATE.

>> IN BENGHAZI, ON SEPTEMBER THE

11th OF LAST YEAR.

>> THE MAYOR OF NEW YORK NOW

WANTS TO BAN PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF

LEGAL TOBACCO PRODUCTS.

( LAUGHTER )

GLI KNOW HOW UPSET YOU GET,

SARAH PALIN, WHEN YOU'RE IN NEW

YORK AND--

( LAUGHTER )

WALK INTO A BODAIGA AND CAN'T

FIND YOUR PHILLY BLUNTS.

LOOK.

YOU'VE BEEN HERE TWICE, TWICE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

AND ONCE BECAUSE McCAIN MADE

YOU SO N. NEY.

WAIT A MINUTE, ALL THESE

PEOPLE-- THIS IS THE SAME LINEUP

WITH THE SAME LAUNDRY LIST OF

CONSERVATIVE GRIEVANCES THAT WE

SAW AT CPAC A MONTH AND A HALF

ANOTHER JUST WITH BETTER

INTRODUCTIONS.

>>

♪ ♪ ♪

>> YEAH!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

WELCOME TO TEXAS, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN.

>> Jon: WOW.

IF THAT DUDE DOESN'T HAVE A

C.M.T. SHOW BY TOMORROW, LOCK,

STOCK AND-- UM, UM--

>> LET'S SEE.

I THE THIRD ONE I CAN'T.

SORRY.

OOPS.

>> Jon: YEAH, OOPS.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS, LOCK, STOCK,

AND UM, UM, I FORGOT THE THIRD

ONE, OOPS.

I SWEAR THESE CONSERVATIVE GUYS

ARE LIKE CARNEYS UPON THE

SAUSAGE AND PEPPER TRUCKS AT

STREET FAIRS.

IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU GO TO GE AND

THERE'S THE SAUSAGE AND SANDWICH

GUY, AND THEN GUTO THE UPPER

BROADWAY FESTIVAL AND IT'S THE

SAME SAUSAGE GUY.

AND YOU GO TO THE PUERTO RICO

DAY'S PARADE, AND ST. 58'S, AND

ANY CULTURAL EVENT GUTO YOU WILL

SEE THE SAME SAUSAGE TRUCK.

EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE.

THAT'S A DIFFERENT PARADE.

THAT'S DIFFERENT.

>> I BELIEVE YOU CAN GET PEP

WERS THAT AS WELL.

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