The Daily Show with John Oliver

  • Aired:  06/10/13
  •  | Views: 123,593

The NSA wiretapping scandal disrupts John Oliver's well-laid plans. (2:53)

>> WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW.

I AM JOHN OLIVER, AND LET'S ALL JUST ACKNOWLEDGE FOR A MOMENT THAT THIS IS WEIRD.

THIS LOOKS WEIRD.

IT FEELS WEIRD.

IT EVEN SOUNDS WEIRD.

IT SOUNDS WEIRD TO ME, AND THIS IS MY ACTUAL VOICE.

LOOK, IF YOU HADN'T HEARD BY NOW, JON STEWART IS GOING TO BE AWAY FOR THE SUMMER.

HE'S GONE TO A SMALL ITALIAN VILLAGE TO LEARN HOW TO COBBLE SHOES.

BUT MY GUEST TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE SETH ROGEN.

SETH ROGEN IS HERE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

AND I LOOK FORWARD TO EXPLAINING TO HIM EXACTLY WHO THE [BLEEP] I AM.

THAT'S ABOUT 30% A JOKE.

BEFORE JON LEFT, HE WAS VERY SWEET.

HE WAS VERY WARM AND SUPPORTIVE.

HE ACTUALLY GAVE ME THIS LITTLE NOTE HERE.

HE SAID, DON'T WORRY.

YOU'LL BE GREAT.

THAT'S NICE.

ALTHOUGH SUBJECTIVE.

BESIDES, NO BIG NEWS STORIES EVERY BREAK OUT OVER THE SUMMER.

>> U.S. OFFICIALS ACKNOWLEDGE THAT INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES ARE SECRETLY COLLECTING MILLIONS OF

AMERICANS' PHONE RECORDS ON A DAILY BASIS.

>> PRIVATE CALLS OF AMERICANS, WHETHER THEY'VE BEEN SUSPECTED OF A CRIME OR NOT.

>> ARE YOU [BLEEP] KIDDING ME?

JON'S BEEN GONE ONE DAY.

ONE DAY.

WE HAD SUCH A FUN, GENTLE FIRST SHOW PLANNED FOR YOU.

YOU KNOW, A FEW HARMLESS UNBRITISH JOKES LIKE, OH, THIS IS A FOOTBALL, NOT A SOCCER BALL.

WE CALL IT A FOOTBALL.

HALFWAY THROUGH THE SHOW WE WERE GOING TO BREAK AND HAVE A LITTLE TEA TIME.

AND THEN AT THE END OF THE SHOW I WASN'T GOING ON FLY OFF WITH AN UMBRELLA.

IT WAS JUST A BIT OF FUN.

JUST A BIT OF SUMMER FUN.

AND INSTEAD JON STEWART IS BARELY OUT OF THE DOOR AND IT TURNS OUT THAT NOT ONLY IS THE

GOVERNMENT TRACKING EVERYONE'S PHONE CALLS BUT THAT'S JUST THE TIP OF THE [BLEEP]BERG.

>> IT GOES WAY BEYOND PHONE RECORDS TO OUR INTERNET HABITS AND WHO WE EMAIL WITH.

>> THE NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY IS BUILDING THIS MASSIVE NEW DATA CENTER IN UTAH.

>> THIS IS A MAMMOTH FACILITY.

THE PUBLISHED REPORTS INDICATE THAT IT CAN HOLD FIVE ZETA-BYTES OF DATA.

>> ZETA BYTES?

THEY'VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL WITH THOSE.

I THINK THAT'S HOW MICHAEL DOUGLAS GOT THROAT CANCER.

BOOM!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

HEY, HEY, HE LEFT YOU.

JON LEFT YOU.

I'M

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