Good Morning Real America

  • Aired:  04/03/12
  •  | Views: 245,454

By infiltrating "Today Show" as co-host, Sarah Palin cynically exploits a manufactured notion of herself as a crusader against the lamestream media. (6:35)

( THEME SONG PLAYING )

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW," MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

TONIGHT, MAN, OUR GUEST TONIGHT,

WE'RE VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS,

TOM GOLDSTEIN, HE'S AN ATTORNEY AND THE MAN BEHIND-- I DON'T

NEED TO TELL YOU-- SCOTUSBLOG.

SCOTUSBLOG ONE OF THE MOST IN-DEPTH SITES ABOUT THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT.

GO TO SCOTUS TKPWHROG FOR THE ANALYSIS OF IMPORTANT DECISIONS,

STAY FOR THE SCALIA/ALEE TO SLASH FICTION.

(LAUGHTER) MY WRITERS ASSURE ME THAT'S A REAL THING.

I GOT UP AND PLOPPED DOWN IN FRONT OF THE "TODAY" SHOW WITH THE MORNING JUMBLE AND A

MICROWAVED CUP OF OVALTINE AND I'M EXPECTING TO CATCH UP ON THE

MORNING NEWS, WEATHER, KIND OF A FUN FRIENDLY ATMOSPHERE, MAYBE CATCH A COUPLE QUICK SEGMENTS ON

HOW BEST TO DRESS FOR MY BODY TYPE.

(LAUGHTER) YOU KNOW, THE "TODAY" SHOW.

BUT WHAT DO I SEE?

>> TELL EVERYBODY WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU WERE COMING TO 30 ROCK YESTERDAY.

>> OH, GEEZ, MATT, NICEST LADY IN THE WORLD STOPPED ME, ASKED

ME WHERE I WAS HEADED, I SAID 30 ROCK AND SHE SAID "OH, HONEY,

COME HERE, I TOLD YOU, TINA FEY IS HERE!"

>> Jon: (LAUGHS) OH, THAT... THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

(LAUGHTER) YOU HAVE A PHALANX OF SECURITY .N MY GUESS IS NOBODY GOT A WHIFF.

IT'S SARAH PALIN COHOSTING THE "TODAY" SHOW.

AND SHE WAS THERE PERFORMING A MEDLEY OF HER GREATEST HITS FROM

"I DON'T READ NEWSPAPERS" TO "I WRITE ON MY HAND." (LAUGHTER)

TO THAT OLD CHESTNUT "I PASS I AGGRESSIVELY HATE MATT LAUER

WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING."

>> HOW'S IT GOING SO FAR GOVERNOR?

>> THANKS FOR LETTING ME CRASH YOUR DRESSING ROOM AND NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR HAIR PRODUCT...

(LAUGHTER).

>> TECHNICALLY I DIDN'T GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO BE IN THERE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: SERIOUSLY.

I'M NOT BEING LIGHT HEARTED ABOUT THIS.

I DO NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO GO IN THERE.

OBVIOUSLY THAT WAS JUST A LITTLE BIT OF SCRIPTED BANTER BASED ON THE FACT THAT MATT LAUER NO

LONGER NEEDS A HAIR BRUSH.

KIND OF A FUNNY... UNLESS... OH!

(AUDIENCE REACTS) DEAR GOD!

HOW DID WE GET THAT IMAGE?

MATT LAUER HOPEFULLY HAVING SEX WITH A BADGER.

GOOD FOR YOU, MATT, KICKING IT OLD SCHOOL.

CANCEL LAUER'S INVITATION TO POOL PARTY.

(LAUGHTER) DRAINS CAN'T HANDLE.

(LAUGHTER) HERE'S THE THING-- THANK GOD WE GOT THAT PICTURE.

THE FORMER ALASKA GOVERNOR WAS ACTUALLY QUITE GOOD AND LIKABLE IN THIS SETTING.

MY ISSUE WAS NOT WITH HOW I VIEWED GOVERNOR PALIN AS COHOST OF THE "TODAY" SHOW, IT WAS

MOSTLY WITH HOW GOVERNOR PALIN SEEMED TO VIEW IT.

>> WE DID READ A TWEET YOU SENT OUT THAT SAID "GONNA GO ROGUE AND INFILTRATE."

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WHAT EXACTLY DOES THAT MEAN?

>> WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS?

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: OOH.

INFILTRATING THE "TODAY" SHOW.

I THINK IT MEANS YOU'RE CYNICALLY EXPLOIT AGO MANUFACTURED NOTION OF YOURSELF

AS A CRUSADER AGAINST A MONOLITHIC EXCLUSIONARY ACTIVIST LIBERAL MEDIA WHAO *ELS ACTUALLY

ENJOYING A SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM TO THE DETRIMENT OF THE REST OF THE COUNTRY.

SERIOUSLY.

SERIOUSLY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) IT'S THE "TODAY" SHOW!

DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE O HOSTING THE "TODAY" SHOW IS ENTERING THE

LION'S DEN ARMED ONLY WITH SOME JESUS FISH EARRINGS AND AN IWO JIMA SIZED FLAG PIN?

SERIOUSLY, LOOK AT THAT (BLEEP)ING FLAG PIN.

IF A HAMSTER WENT TO THE MOON,

THAT IS THE FLAG IT WOULD PLANT.

(LAUGHTER) THAT THING'S GIGANTIC!

(APPLAUSE) GOVERNOR PALIN ACTS LIKE SHE NEEDED TO PROTECT HERSELF FROM THE LAMESTREAM LIBERALS LIKE

GARLIC TO A VAMPIRE WHEN THE TRUTH IS YOU'RE AT THE "TODAY" SHOW!

YOU'RE THERE TO TALK ABOUT PARTY PLANNING WITH TORI SPELLING!

TO PRETEND THAT YOU REMEMBER WHO WILSON PHILLIPS IS.

OR TO HANG OUT FOR SOME LIGHT HARDED COUCH BANTER WITH MATT AND ANN AND AL INSTEAD OF ACTING

LIKE YOU'RE SITTING WITH WHICH HE AND LENIN AND SAUL ALYNSKY.

YOU'RE PRETENDING THIS APPEARANCE IS SOME UNCOMMONLY BALLSY WAY OF STICKING IT TO THE

LAMESTREAM MEDIA.

IT'S JUST ANOTHER PLACE FOR YOU TO TOUT YOUR BRAND OF HOMESPUN NONSENSE UNCHALLENGED!

>> IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE YOU'RE HAPPY WITH MITT ROMNEY AS THE

PARTY'S NOMINATION.

>> ANYBODY BUT OBAMA.

I HONESTLY BELIEVE ANYBODY RUNNING ON THAT G.O.P. TICKET WOULD BE INFINITELY BETTER THAN

WHAT WE HAVE TODAY WITH THESE FAILED SOCIAL POLICIES.

>> Jon: OH, FAILED SOCIALIST POLICIES OF BARACK OBAMA.

I GET IT.

AND CUT TO TWO MINUTES LATER,

SAME INTERVIEW.

>> LET'S TALK ABOUT CAN THE ECONOMY.

DO YOU THINK IT'S IMPROVING?

>> FOR WHOM?

MAYBE FOR SOME ON WALL STREET.

>> Jon: RIGHT!

WALL STREET!

FAT CATS REAPING THE BENEFITS OF THE FAILED SOCIALIST...

(LAUGHTER).

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WAIT!

THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHO GIVES A (BLEEP) IF IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE?

IT'S 7:00 IN THE MORNING PEOPLE ARE WATCHING IT WHILE MISTAKINGLY BUTTERING POP-TARTS!

(LAUGHTER) BUT IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOME PEOPLE ARE KIND OF INFURIATED

WITH YOU, IT'S NOT YOUR COMMON-SENSE CONSERVATISMISM OR YOUR MAMA GRIZZLY TENACITY, IT'S

THE CASUAL MANNER WITH WHICH YOU ACCUSE EVERYBODY YOU DISAGREE WITH OF DIVIDING AMERICA WHILE

SIMULTANEOUSLY AND VERY CASUALLY DOING THIS.

>> OPRAH GAVE A RATHER CANDID INTERVIEW ON ANOTHER MORNING SHOW YESTERDAY MORNING AND

ADMITTED SHE'S MADE MANY MISTAKES IN CREATING AND STARTING UP HER OWN NETWORK.

RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU THINK WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS NEXT YEAR OWN IS NO LONGER AROUND.

>> I THINK IT WILL BE AROUND IF SHE'LL GET CONSERVATIVES ON THE SHOW.

SOME HATES ON THE SHOW!

>> Jon: DID YOU SEE IT RIGHT THERE?

OPRAH WOULD DO WELL IF SHE COULD GET CONSERVATIVES ON THERE.

YOU KNOW, PATRIOTS WHO UNDERSTAND THE CONSTITUTION.

THAT'S IN THE A NUTSHELL.

THE SIMPLICITY AND PREJUDICE OF YOUR WORLD VIEW THAT THE PATRIOTISM AND GOODNESS OF

SOMETHING IS IN DIRECT PROPORTION ONLY TO THE AMOUNT OF CONSERVATISM IN SAID THING.

AND THAT EQUATION SO RULES YOUR LIFE THAT YOU OFFERED THAT ADVICE SPONTANEOUSLY TO THE

QUESTION OF "HOW DO YOU THINK OPRAH'S DOING?" (LAUGHTER) I GOT TO TELL YOU, LADY...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THAT...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THAT MUST BE EXHAUSTING TO LIVE LIKE THAT.

ALTHOUGH LIBERALS WHO ARE PATRIOTS, IT IS

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