Indecision 2012 - The Long, Winding, Bumpy-Ass Road to the White House - Romney's Win

  • Aired:  02/29/12
  •  | Views: 36,338

Mitt Romney triumphs in his native state of Michigan, but nothing can dampen Rick Santorum's desire to rebuild America from the bottom up. (2:46)

BEST (BLEEP)ING NEWS BOX ON

TELEVISION.

WHERE WERE WE?

OH, RIGHT!

MICHIGAN.

ANYWAY, THE WINNER EVENTUALLY

DID EMERGE AND IT WAS WILLARD

MITTINGHOUSE ROMNEY.

A CINDERELLA STORY OF A HUNDRED

MILLIONAIRE COMING OUT OF

NOWHERE TO BARELY SQUEAK PAST A

CRAZY PERSON IN HIS OWN HOME

STATE.

>> THAT'S HIS NATIVE STATE.

>> Jon: FINE!

(LAUGHTER)

BUT MITT IS LOOKING TO PUT

SANTORUM IN HIS REAR-VIEW MIRROR6CJ%

AND HE SEEMS TO HAVE HIS EYE ON

HIS OPPONENT IN THE GENERAL

ELECTION.

>> HE RAISED THE NATIONAL DEBT.

I WILL CUT, CAP, AND BALANCE THE

BUDGET.

HE PASSED OBAMACARE, I WILL

REPEAL OBAMACARE.

HE LOST OUR A.A.A. CREDIT

RATING.

I'LL RESTORE OUR A.A.A. CREDIT

RATING.

>> Jon: HE KILLED OSAMA BIN

LADEN, I WILL REANIMATE HIM.

(LAUGHTER)

BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE.

HE MARRIED MICHELLE OBAMA, I

WILL DIVORCE MICHELLE OBAMA.

(LAUGHTER)

HE TOLD YOU YES, WE CAN.

I'M HERE TONIGHT TO PLEDGE TO

YOU, NO.

NO WE CAN'T.

(LAUGHTER)

BIZARRO OBAMA.

OF COURSE, RICK SANTORUM'S PARTY

AFTER LOSING WAS A BIT MORE

SUBDUED.

HE HAS EARNED, THOUGH, THROUGH

THE RECENT PRIMARY RESULTS A

STRONG MEASURE OF OUR RESPECT,

ADMIRATION FORGED IN THE HEAT OF

A DIFFICULT CAMPAIGN.

IT ALLOWS RICK SANTORUM TO RISE

ABOVE THE CALLOW BARBS THAT

STEMMED FROM A CHILDISH WEAPON

PEOPLE ASSOCIATED WITH WHAT CAN

ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS FROTHY ASS

JUICE.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THAT WILL NOT COME BACK.

TONIGHT, SIR IS YOUR NIGHT.

>> TO THE PEOPLE OF MICHIGAN, WE

CAME INTO THE BACKYARD OF ONE OF

MY OPPONENTS.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: KIND SIR, WHY MUST YOU

TAUNT US.

WE ARE DESPERATELY TRYING HERE.

>> THAT'S HOW AMERICA WORKS

BEST, FROM THE BOTTOM UP AND

BUILDING A GREAT AMERICA FROM

THE BOTTOM UP.

A FREE SOCIETY FROM THE BOTTOM

UP.

AND THAT'S THE SOLUTIONS THAT

WE'RE GOING TO PROPOSE FOR

AMERICA.

THE BOTTOM UP.

(APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: TONIGHT MITT ROMNEY

MAY HAVE COME OUT ON TOP OF

US...

(LAUGHTER).

BUT WE WILL STAY IN AND NOT HEED

THE CALLS TO PULL IT.

(LAUGHTER)

FUELED BY YOUR SPUNK, IT'S ON TO

SUPERTUESDAY WHERE WE WILL TOSS

THAT MAN SALAD FROM OHIO TO

TENNESSEE.

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