Let's Go Anywhere - Lonely President's Guide to Getting Out of the Country

  • Aired:  11/09/10
  •  | Views: 134,182

President Obama travels to India to get America's jobs back and must dance for their cultural amusement. (8:00)

BOBA ESCAPED -- I'M BEING TOLD

HE'S LEAVING.

I'M SORRY.

NO!

LET'S RETURN IF WE CAN TO THE

YEAR 2010.

IT WAS A ROUGH WEEK FOR OUR

PRESIDENT, BARACK OBAMA.

A MID-TERM ELECTION SHELLACKING,

A POST-MID-TERM ELECTION POST

OFFICE, LET'S SAY SHELLACKING,

NOT TO MENTION RECEIVING FREE

WEDGE I HAVES FROM WHITE HOUSE

BULLY JEFF DUGGAN.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

NOBODY?

"GOOD WILL HUNTING."

NOBODY?

AS EVERYBODY KNOWS, WHEN THE

GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GET

GOING, OUT OF THE COUNTRY FOR

ABOUT TEN DAYS.

WE PRESENT TO YOU THE LATEST IN

"THE DAILY SHOW" PRESIDENTIAL

TRAVELOGUE.

ROLL THE CLIP.

♪♪

♪♪

THAT WAS NICE MUSIC.

OBAMA... THEY LOVE ANYTHING WITH

GRAPHICS.

( LAUGHTER )

OBAMA'S FIRST STOP, INDIA, THE

WORLD'S BIGGEST DEMOCRACY,

DEEPLY COMPLEX NATION WITH A

RICH HISTORY AND AN INCREDIBLY

DYNAMIC FUTURE.

WHEN WE THINK OF INDIA, THE MIND

IS FLOODED WITH IMAGES FROM

GANDHIED TO GANGES, FROM THE

SPECTACLE OF BOLLYWOOD TO THE

BUSTLING FINANCIAL CENTERS OF

MUMBAI.

BY THE WAY, DID YOU KNOW CNN'S

ALI BELCHI IS OF INDIAN DECENT.

>> A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK OF

NEPAL, THE AIRLINE, FIXING YOUR

COMPUTER, AND THEY HAVE HARD

TIME UNDERSTANDING.

>> Jon: HE'S SITTING RIGHT IN

FRONT OF YOU.

>> IT'S EVEN THE CENTER OF A NEW

SITCOM ON NBC CALLED

"OUTSOURCED" WHICH HAS BEEN VERY

CONTROVERSIAL.

BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

>> I HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET.

I'M CURIOUS IF IT'S OFFENSIVE TO

YOU, BUT THAT'S ANOTHER

DISCUSSION.

>> Jon: I'M CURIOUS IF IT'S

OFFENSIVE TO YOU OR MAYBE IF YOU

FOUND THE [BLEEPED] I SAID

EARLIER OFFENSIVE.

I DON'T KNOW.

ANYWAY, MY POINT IS TO THE

VIEWERS AT HOME, IF YOU HAVE ANY

PROBLEMS WITH YOUR COMPUTERS,

JUST CALL ALI.

I'M SURE HE CAN HANDLE IT.

THE PRESIDENT ARRIVED IN NEW

DELHI ON SUNDAY, WHERE HE

RECEIVED A FULL STATE WELCOME,

INCLUDING AN EQUESTRIAN ESCORT,

A 21-GUN SALUTE AND TWO HUMAN

TISSUE DISPENSERS.

IN CASE HE WAS OVERCOME WITH

EMOTION.

I UH... I JUST WISH THOSE GUYS

WERE WITH ME WHEN I WATCHED

"STEEL MAGNOLIAS" LAST NIGHT.

THOSE POOR WOMEN, SO FRAGILE YET

SO STRONG.

THANK YOU, TISSUE MAN.

OH, HE'S AN ILLUSION.

DON'T WORRY, JULIA.

I KNOW YOU DIE, BUT YOU COME

BACK NEXT TIME AS RICHARD GERE'S

BRIDE.

IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OKAY.

WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

AH, INDIA.

NOW, TYPICALLY, AS YOU KNOW,

WHEN PRESIDENT OBAMA TRAVELS

OVERSEAS, IT IS TO APOLOGIZE FOR

A GRIEVOUS ERROR THAT HE

BELIEVES AMERICA IN ITS INFINITE

WRONGNESS HAS COMMITTED, OR TO

BOW OBSEQUIOUSLY TO LESSER HEADS

OF STATE.

WHAT INDIGNITY WILL THIS TRIP

HEAP UPON THE OVERBURDENED

SHOULDERS OF OUR OWN UNCLE SAM?

>> I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SAY TO

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WHEN THEY

ASK ME, WELL, WHY ARE YOU

SPENDING TIME WITH INDIA, AREN'T

THEY TAKING OUR JOBS, I WANT TO

BE ABLE TO SAY, ACTUALLY, YOU

KNOW WHAT, THEY JUST CREATED

50,000 JOBS.

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD, HE'S GONE

TO INDIA TO GET OUR JOBS BACK.

HE'S THE RAMBO OF GETTING OUR

JOBS BACK.

HE'S NOT JUST THE

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF.

HE'S THE HEAD HUNTER-IN-CHIEF.

I WONDER IF HE'S GOING TO BE

ASKING FOR RESUMES.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

WAIT.

WAIT A MINUTE.

OBAMA IS GETTING OUR JOBS BACK.

WHICH JOBS IS HE GETTING BACK?

IS HE JUST GETTING BACK OUR

[BLEEPED] CALLER IN JOBS?

BECAUSE IF THAT'S THE CASE,

MR. PRESIDENT, HAVE YOU THOUGHT

OF GOING TO SPAIN AND GETTING US

ONE OF THOSE THREE-HOUR SIESTA

JOBS.

I'M PUNCHING OUT, BOYS, IT'S

PAELLA TIME.

CLEARLY IT'S AN OPPORTUNITY.

SO HOW HAS HE DONE SO FAR?

>> TODAY I'M PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE

INDIA'S PRELIMINARY AGREEMENT TO

PURCHASE TEN C-7 CARGO PLANES,

WHICH WILL SUPPORT 22,000 JOBS

BACK IN THE UNITED STATES.

>> Jon: WE'RE BACK, BABY!

AND THAT'S JUST TO MAKE THE

PLANES, NOT TO MENTION ALL THE

TECH SUPPORT CALL CENTER JOBS IN

THE UNITED STATES FOR WHEN THE

PLANES [BLEEPED] UP.

OF COURSE, WE'LL HAVE TO DO TO

MAKE OUR INDIAN CUSTOMERS

COMFORTABLE.

[SPEAKING WITH BROOKLYN ACCENT]:

"HEY, HOW YOU DOIN'.

IT'S RAJEEV IN MUMBAI.

CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT IS THE

TROUBLE WITH YOUR PLANE?"

22,000 JOBS, THAT'S A START.

ALL YOU GOT TO DO NOW IS KEEP

HIS NOSE CLEAN, A REPUBLICAN

RELATIONS WIN.

I DON'T LIKE THE LOOKS OF THIS.

ADORABLE DANCING CHILDREN.

MR. PRESIDENT, IT'S A TRAP.

OH, WAIT, THIS IS BARACK OBAMA.

IT'S NOT LIKE THOSE KIDS WERE

BOWLING.

THEY'RE DANCING.

AND IF I RECALL, IN THE CAMPAIGN

OUR PRESIDENT'S GOT SOME MOVES.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I WOULD

CALL HIM WILLIAM HOWARD SHAFT.

JAMES K. POLKA.

( LAUGHTER )

ANDREW JACKSON FIVE.

NO, NO, DON'T ENCOURAGE THIS.

( LAUGHTER )

DWIGHT D. EISEN-FOOTLOOSE.

I CAN TELL YOU SOMETHING SAD?

THIS IS THE REST OF THE SHOW.

I HAVE 50 OF THESE.

AND THERE'S ONLY 44 PRESIDENTS.

MY POINT IS THIS: HE'S GOT IT,

SO JUMP IN, BABY.

THIS IS MICHELLE SHAKING IT UP

IN STYLE, CAPTURING THE HEARTS

AND MINDS OF THE INDIAN PUBLIC,

DOING IT RIGHT.

AND HERE'S THE PRESIDENT

BEING... WHAT THE [BLEEPED]

HAPPENED TO THE PRESIDENT.

WHAT?

YOU'RE... ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YOU'RE MOVING LIKE JOHN F. CAN'T

DANCITY.

FRANKLIN DELANO-MOVES-AVELT.

I HAVE 50 OF THESE.

I GUESS IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY,

YOU CAMPAIGN WITH RHYTHM, BUT

YOU GOVERN LIKE AN OLD WHITE MAN

AT A WEDDING.

( LAUGHTER )

HEY, REST OF THE WORLD, MAY I

ASK YOU A QUESTION?

WHY DO OUR GUYS ALWAYS HAVE TO

DANCE FOR YOUR CULTURAL

AMUSEMENT?

REMEMBER THIS?

♪♪

♪♪

THAT IS GOLD.

THAT IS GOLD.

THAT IS... THAT IS GOOD TIMES.

YOU KNOW, AMERICA MAY HAVE ITS

PROBLEMS AND THE WORLD MAY FIND

OUR POLITICS ONEROUS AT TIMES,

BUT ONE THING WE DON'T DO IS

MAKE YOUR LEADERS LITERALLY

DANCE FOR US.

OH, PRESIDENT SARKOZY, THANKS SO

MUCH FOR COMING.

NOW, IF YOU DON'T MIND,

MRS. BOYLE'S FIFTH GRADE CLASS

WOULD LIKE THE SEE YOU

GRAPEVINE.

CHANCELLOR MERKEL, PUT YOUR HAND

ON MY HIP, WHEN

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