Blue's Spews

  • Aired:  05/09/13
  •  | Views: 47,994

Women and minorities aren't flocking to the Republican Party, but Democrats shouldn't get cocky. (5:30)

(LAUGHTER)

ANYHEW, AS WE TALKED ABOUT

ON THIS PROGRAM PREVIOUSLY,

REPUBLICANS HAVE FINALLY

RELIZED IF THEY WISH TO EVER

GO AGAIN GO TO THE WHITE

HOUSE ON A NONVISITOR PASS

BASIS, THEY NEED TO DO I

ABETTER JOB OF APPEALING TO

WOMEN AND MINORITIES.

AND BY BETTER JOB, I MEAN

JOB.

REALLY, ANY APPEAL TO THEM

WHAT SOPH EVER WOULD HELP.

THAT BEING SAID, THAT

DOESN'T MEAN DEMOCRATS CAN

TAKE THEIR LONG-STANDING

RELATIONSHIP WITH THESE

GROUPS FOR GRANTED.

FOR INSTANCE YOUR SOUTH

CAROLINA DEMOCRATIC CHAIRMAN

DICK HARPOOTLIAN, LAST WEEK

INTRODUCING THE MAN HE HOPES

WILL DEFEAT SOUTH CAROLINA

GOVERNOR NIKKI HALEY THROUGH

THE PURPOSES OF WHAT ARE YOU

ABOUT TO LEAR IS AN INDIAN

AMERICAN WOMAN.

>> NOW AT THIS TIME I WOULD

LIKE TO INTRODUCE, NOW DO I

CALL HIM SENATOR OR WOULD I

CALL HIM GOVERNOR SHEHEEN W

WHAT I DO CALL HIM?

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

AND ABOUT 18 MONTHS FROM NOW

HOPEFULLY HE WILL HAVE SENT

NIKKI HALEY BACK TO WHEREVER

THE HELL SHE CAME FROM.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: SO LET'S GIVE A WARM

WELCOME TO VINCENT SHE

HAN-- SHEHEEN WHO MUST NOW

TACITLY ENDORSE WAY JUST

SAID BY TAKING ITS STAGE.

IF HE DID MEAN GO BACK TO

WREFER THE HELL SHE CAME

FROM MEANING INDIA, THAT IS

SURPRISING COMING FROM DICK

HARPOOTLIAN A SECRETARY

IMMIGRATION IMMIGRANT FROM

THE COUNTRY OF HAR POOTEL.

-- A COUNTRY NAMED OF COURSE

FOR ITS CHIEF EXPORT HARP

POODLES.

THAT'S-- OKAY, THAT'S

STUPID.

EVERYONE KNOWS A HARP POODLE

IS A CROSS BETWEEN A POODLE

AND A HARP SEAL.

YES.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT IS WHAT THEY LOOK--

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: NOW WE'VE COME TO

THE AGE OLD POST

INFLAMMATORY COMMENT RIDDLE.

WILL HARPOOTLIAN SEEK HIM

OUT OR BURY HIM FURTHER.

>> I APOLOGIZE, YESTERDAY IF

ANYONE INFERRED, I MEAN I'M

THE GRANDSON OF IMMIGRANTS.

I CERTAINLY WASN'T-- SHE'S

NOT FROM INDIA.

SHE'S FROM BAMBURG, SOUTH

CAROLINA WHERE SHE WAS AN

ACCOUNTANT IN HER PARENT'S

CLOTHING STORE CALLED

EXOTICA.

AND ALL I'M SUGGESTING IS

SHE NEEDS TO GO BACK TO

BEING AN ACCOUNTANT IN A

DRESS STORE.

>> Jon: HE WASN'T DOING THE

NATIVIST GO BACK TO WHERE

YOU CAME FROM, FOREIGNER.

HE WAS DOING THE CHAUVINIST

LADIES BELONG KEEPING THE

BOOKS IN DRESS STORES.

(LAUGHTER)

APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

SOUTH CAROLINA DEMOCRATIC

PARTY CHAIRMAN HARPOOTLIAN,

YOU'RE LOSING WOMEN.

NORTH CAROLINA DEMOCRATIC

CHAIRMAN PARTY CHAIRMAN,

SHOW HIM HOW IT IS DONE.

>> HE WAS SPEAKING TO THE

DEMOCRATIC WOMEN OF GUILFORD

COUNTY LAST NIGHT.

WELL, IT THIS TWEET CAUSED

QUITE A STIR.

THE GOP THAT IS LEADING US,

WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY'RE

TAKING US BUT THEY'RE RAPING

US ALONG THE WAY, HE

REPORTEDLY SAID.

>> Jon: AM I RIGHT, LADIES,

RAPING US, RIGHT, RIGHT!

SHE KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKING

ABOUT.

THEY'RE RAPING US!

OF COURSE HE LATER

APOLOGIZED WITH THE FAMED

NOT INTENDING TO OFFEND AND

EXPLAINED WHY IT WAS AN APT

AND APPROPRIATE METAPHOR FOR

HIM TO USE IN FRONT OF A

WOMEN'S GROUP BY SAYING

WOMEN AND MEN WITH BATT

VICTIMS OF ABUSE AND-- I

PERSONALLY COULD HAVE BEEN

RAPED.

SO I GUESS WE'RE ALL GOOD,

HOW, LADIES?

HERE'S HOW WE KNOW YOU

PROBABLY HAVEN'T BEEN RAPED.

YOU USED THE TERM TO

DESCRIBE POLITICAL POLICIES

YOU DISAGREE WITH.

WHICH BRINGS TO US OUR FINAL

DEMOCRATIC ENT RAN.

>> NEIGHBORS HERE ARE

CALLING FOR THE RESIGNATION

OF TOWNSHIP CLERK DOLLARIA

PLAQUEO, PLAQUEO WAS

REPORTED CALLING SUPERVISOR

DWAYNE PARKER THE "N" WORD.

FLATCO IS APOLOGIZING FOR

WHAT SHE CALLS A SLIP OF THE

TONGUE.

>> Jon: HERE IS WHAT I FOUND

ABOUT THE N WORD, PRETTY

HARD TO SAY.

DOESN'T JUST SLIP OUT UNLESS

YOU HAVE HAD A LOT OF

PRACTICE.

BUT LET'S HEAR THE TAPE.

>> HE'S JUST RUBBING ME THE

WRONG WAY.

HE IS JUST DOING WHATEVER HE

CAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF

MR. -- RIGHT NOW, I KNOW ARE

YOU NOT EVEN GOING LIKE THIS

HE'S JUST AN ARROGANT

NIGGER.

>> Jon: IF THAT WAS THE SLIP

OF THE TONGUE WHAT WERE YOU

TRYING TO SAY?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE

THIS, HE'S AN EXTRAVAGANT

GOLD DIGGER.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE

HEARING THIS, HE'S A HARROWING

TIGGER, SHE'S AN ASTRONAUT

NINJA.

SCREENPLAY IDEA, ASTRONAUT

NINJAS.

ZERO GRAVITY.

ZERO RULES.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT OBVIOUSLY IT WAS A SLIP

OF THE TONGUE BECAUSE YOU

KNOW, THIS LADY SHE'S NOT

LIKE THAT, RIGHT.

>> I HAVE EATEN THANKSGIVING

DINNER WITH BLACK FRIENDS AT

THEIR HOUSE, SO NO, I'M FAR

FROM BECOME PREJUDICED.

>> Jon: I DON'T WANT TO SAY

ANYTHING BUT PRETTY MUCH AT

EVERY THANKSGIVING I HAVE

ALWAYS BEEN THERE IS ALWAYS

AT LEAST ONE RACIST AT THE

TABLE SO IF YOU ARE AT

THANKSGIVING AND DON'T THINK

ANYONE ELSE THERE IS RACIST,

YOU'RE THE RACIST.

BY THE WAY, HERE'S MY

IMPRESSION--

(APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: HERE'S MY IMPRESSION

AT THANKSGIVING AT THE HOME

OF GLORIA PLATKO'S BLACK

FRIEND.

>> GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF MY

HOUSE!

(LAUGHTER)

JUST A LITTLE ADVICE TO

DEMOCRATS, ON YOUR WAY HOME

TONIGHT MAYBE PICK UP A

BOUQUET OF ROSES OR TWO

BECAUSE I DONE THINK WOMEN

AND MINORITIES ARE GOING TO

LEAVE YOU JUST YET BUT I

WOULDN'T GET

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