Homme Alone

  • Aired:  02/11/14
  •  | Views: 69,138

French President Francois Hollande throws a White House state dinner into disarray by rolling stag. (4:40)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK TO THESHOW.

HAVE YOU NOTICED JUST A TOUCHMORE EXISTENTIAL ENNUI IN THE

AIR THIS WEEK?

NO? APPARENTLY THEY HAVEN'T.

[ LAUGHTER ]WELL, THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT.

>> FRENCH PRESIDENT FRANCOISHOLLANDE BEGINS AN OFFICIAL

VISIT TO THE UNITED STATES ONMONDAY, THE FIRST BY A FRENCH

PRESIDENT SINCE 1996.

>> THEY HOPE TO TALK ABOUTSTRENGTHENING ECONOMIC TIES AND

WORKING TOGETHER ON CLIMATECHANGE.

>> Jon: SORRY I'M GOING TOHAVE TO INTERRUPT THERE.

WE PLAYED A CLIP FROM THE ALJAZEERA AMERICA CHANNEL THAT

WAS THREATENING TO GETINAPPROPRIATELY IN-DEPTH ABOUT

FOREIGN POLICY.

OBVIOUSLY AL JAZEERA AMERICA ISNEW HERE AND DON'T KNOW HOW WE

DO THINGS.

LET ME SHOW YOU HOW AMERICANAMERICA NETWORKS DO.

>> FRENCH PRESIDENT FRANCOISHOLLANDE ARRIVES IN THE U.S.

>> HE IS FLYING SOLO.

>> HE IS HERE ALONE.

>> THE FRENCH PRESIDENT ISCOMING STAG.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: STAG.

ALONE.

SOLO.

[LAUGHTER]BY HIS LONESOME.

THERE YOU GO.

THAT'S THE NEWS IT'S 2014 WEHAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT BUT

APPARENTLY CAN'T HANDLE AFOREIGN DATELESS ONE.

WHY ISN'T THE CROQUE MONSIEURBRINGING HIS CROQUE MADAM?

>> HE ANNOUNCED HIS SPLIT FROM APARTNER OF SEVEN YEARS AMID

REPORTS HE CHEATED ON HER WITH AYOUNGER ACTRESS.

>> MOVIE ACTRESS IS JULIEGUILLET.

SHE'S NOT COMING EITHER.

[ LAUGHTER ][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Jon: ALSO NOT COMINGHOLLANDE'S SECOND MISTRESS A

WAIF-ISH CIGARETTE GIRL NOT ASWORLDLY WISE AS SHE PRETENDS OR

HIS THIRD MISTRESS, A CATWITH A WHITE STRIPE ON HIS BACK.

[LAUGHTER]A FRENCH MAN HAS AN AFFAIR.

IT'S THE DOG BITES MAN OFFRANCE.

WHY DOES THIS CHANGE ANYTHING?

>> THE FRENCH PRESIDENT'SDECISION TO COME ALONE HAS

PEOPLE TALKING AND WHITE HOUSESTAFFERS SCRAMBLING.

[LAUGHTER]>> Jon: TO DATE HIM?

>> THAT ICONIC PHOTO THAT WE SEEAT EVERY STATE DINNER WITH THETWO

COUPLES WILL BE A LITTLEDIFFERENT.

>> Jon: NOT THAT DIFFERENT.

I MEAN HE WILL BE WEARING PANTS.

>> 300 DINNER INVITATIONSENGRAVED WITH THE FORMER FIRST

LADY'S NAME HAD TO BE SCRAPPED.

>> Jon: WE CAN KILL PEOPLEWITH SKY ROBOTS FROM 1,000 MILESAWAY,

I THINK WE CAN SHRED 300INVITATIONS.

I DON'T MEAN TO TRIVIALIZE THISETIQUETTE NIGHTMARE.

>> HOW WILL THAT AFFECT SEATINGAT THE HUGE STATE DINNER?

>> SEATING ARRANGEMENTS ARE MADEDELICATE AT BEST.

>> THESE THINGS ARE NOT JUSTCHANCE.

NO, NO, NO, NO, IT'S SPECIFIC.

>> OUR PRESIDENT AND FIRSTLADY WOULD BE SEATED NEXT TO

THE SPOUSE.

SO THAT IS SOMETHING THAT THEYWILL HAVE TO CHANGE.

>> Jon: DANGER, DANGER.

HOW WILL THEY

HANDLE THESEATING?

OH, MY --[LAUGHTER]

HELLO, YES, EMILY POST, WE HAVEA CODE FRANCE.

REPEAT A CODE FRANCE.

WHAT IS THAT?

REALLY DIED IN 1960?

SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.

[ LAUGHTER ]WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

IT'S UP TO ME TO SOLVE THISETIQUETTE EMERGENCY.

IT'S SO HORRIBLE.

THE PRESIDENT AND MRS. OBAMASITTING HERE AND THE FRENCH

PRESIDENT HERE.

THEN WAIT A MINUTE, OKAY,SOLVED.

[ LAUGHTER ][CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FINE, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT TOTELL US ABOUT THIS TAWDRY SOAP

OPERAAND HOW IT'S THROWN A MEAL INTO

TURMOIL.

>> IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT THEDINNER, OF COURSE.

FRANCE IS A TOP US ALLY ANDTOPICS LIKE SYRIA AND IRAN ARE

ON THE TABLE.

>> Jon: THANK YOU FOR GETTINGINTO ACTUAL SUBSTANCE.

TELL US ABOUT SYRIA AND IRAN.

>> TOPICS LIKE SYRIA AND IRANARE ON THE TABLE BUT AT LEAST

FOR NOW FOREIGN AFFAIRS SEEMOVERSHADOWED BY AFFAIRS OF THE

HEART.

>> Jon: YES.

[ LAUGHTER ]THEY DO SEEM OVERSHADOWED

BECAUSE YOU ARE BLOCKING ALL THELIGHT.

[ LAUGHTER ]WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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