A Daily Show Tribute to Institutional Competence

  • Aired:  10/31/12
  •  | Views: 526,194

Andrew Cuomo, Michael Bloomberg and Chris Christie show that once you remove partisan gamesmanship from a situation, government performance improves dramatically. (6:24)

>> Jon: THANK YOU, EVERYBODY, WE'LL CHECK IF WITH YOU GUYS LATER.

ANYWAY, IT'S BEEN A HARROWING COUPLE OF DAYS FOR ALL OF US.

ONCE AGAIN A HUGE DEBT OF GRATITUDE NOT ONLY TO FIRST RESPONDERS WHO HAVE RISKED THEIR LIVES TO SAVE OTHERS OR-- AS

THEY CALL IT-- GOING TO WORK.

(LAUGHTER) BUT ALSO THE M.T.A., POWER COMPANIES, PHONE COMPANIES, PUBLIC OFFICIALS, WE THANK YOU ALL TONIGHT IN OUR BRAND NEW

SEGMENT "A DAILY SHOW TRIBUTE TO INSTITUTIONAL COMPETENCE." (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) IT'S AMAZING!

AMAZING!

ONCE YOU REMOVE POLITICAL AND PARTISAN GAMESMANSHIP FROM A SITUATION PERFORMANCE IMPROVES DRAMATICALLY.

DOWN THE LINE GOVERNMENT'S BEEN ON TOP OF ITS STUFF, WE'LL START WITH N.Y.C. MAYOR MICHAEL BLOOMBERG.

BUT, LISTEN, I THINK WE ALL AGREE IF THESE CUPS WERE STILL LEGAL -- (LAUGHTER).

-- MAYBE THE CITY WOULD HAVEN'T FLOODED AT ALL.

(LAUGHTER) BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT, THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

THE POINT IS -- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THE POINT IS MAYOR BLOOMBERG KICKED ASS AT HIS JOB AND DID IN

THE TWO LANGUAGES.

(.

>> (SPEAKING BROKEN SPANISH) (LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

THAT MAY SOUND LIKE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WALK IN ON YOUR RABBI RACTICING WITH W ROSETTA STONE.P (LAUGHTER)

BUT WHEN YOUR CITY IS FLOODING, THAT IS AS FLUENT AS ANTONIO (BLEEP)ING BANDERAS.

(LAUGHTER) BY THE WAY, BLOOMBERG WAS TALKING THREE LANGUAGES IF YOU COUNT THE CITY'S NEWEST STAR LYDIA CALLIS WHOSE EXPRESSIVE

SIGN LANGUAGE INTERPRETING TURNED DISASTER PRESS BRIEFINGS INTO AN ALVIN AILEY SIGN LANGUAGE RECITAL.

(LAUGHTER).

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ALL ACROSS THE REGION SANDY WREAKED HAVOC ON TREES, COMMUNITIES, AND POLITICAL

TALKING POINTS.

>> THERE HAS BEEN A SERIES OF EXTREME WEATHER INCIDENTS.

ANYONE THAT'S NOT A -- THAT'S NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT, THAT'S A FACTUAL STATEMENT.

ANYONE WHO SAYS THERE'S NOT A DRAMATIC CHANGE IN WEATHER PATTERNS I THINK IS DENYING REALITY.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: WHICH YOU CAN DO UNTIL REALITY IS UP TO YOUR (BLEEP)ING CHEST, YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M

SAYING TO YOU PEOPLE?

(LAUGHTER) HERE'S ANOTHER ONE.

DID YOU KNOW THAT PEOPLE NEED GOVERNMENT SERVICES?

AND THEY COST MONEY!

ASK MY JOB CREATING BILLION FAIR CAPITALIST WHO'S BEEN IN A NATURAL DISASTER.

>> NEW YORK CITY TAXES ITSELF AND SPENDS THE MONEY TO PROTECT US AND TO HAVE THE SERVICES THAT

WILL KEEP US GOING AND I KNOW OF NO OTHER CITY THAT DOES THAT.

WHICH ALWAYS ANNOYS ME WHEN THEY SAY "OH, YOU'RE A HIGH-TAXED PLACE." YEAH, AND WE GET SOMETHING FOR IT.

>> Jon: YOU THINK IT'S CHEAP TO KEEP THE STATUE OF LIBERTY'S LEGS SHAVED?

IT'S NOT?

(LAUGHTER) SHE'S 200 FEET TALL AND SHE'S FRENCH.

IT'S A BIG JOB!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) MY FAVORITE CAME STRAIGHT OUT OF NEW JERSEY WHOSE GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE KICKED CRAZY ASS DURING

THE STORM.

HE'S BEEN ONE OF MITT ROMNEY'S MOST OUTSPOKEN ALLIES THROUGHOUT THE PRESIDENT'S CAMPAIGN.

THIS IS HIM 12 DAYS AGO.

>> THE PRESIDENT DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO LEAD.

HE'S LIKE A MAN WANDERING AROUND IN A DARK ROOM HANDS UP AGAINST THE WALL CLUTCHING FOR THE LIGHT SWITCH OF LEADERSHIP AND HE JUST

CAN'T FIND IT AND HE WON'T FIND IT UNTIL THE NEXT 18 DAYS!

>> Jon: OBAMA COULDN'T FIND A STACK OF OLD NEWSPAPERS IN AN EPISODE OF "HOARDERS" I'M TELLING YOU.

THIS GUY COULDN'T FIND A CONTAINER AT THE CONTAINER STORE, I'M TELLING YOU.

OBAMA COULDN'T LEAD A BUNCH OF EELS TO THE SARGASSO SEA-- THEIR NATURAL SPAWNING GROUNDS.

(LAUGHTER) SO, YOU KNOW, LOOK IT UP.

BUT THAT WAS, OF COURSE, WHEN AMERICA WAS STILL LIVING IN A PRE9 '11 STORM SURGE MENTALITY.

>> I WANT TO THANK THE PRESIDENT PERSONALLY FOR HIS PERSONAL ATTENTION TO THIS HE ACCELERATED

THE MAJOR DISASTER DECLARATION FOR NEW JERSEY WITHOUT THE USUAL RED TAPE.

THE COOPERATION FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES HAS BEEN OUTSTANDING.

THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN ALL OVER THIS AND HE DESERVES GREAT CREDIT.

>> Jon: YEAH, I GUESS HE FOUND THAT (BLEEP)ING LIGHT SWITCH, HUH?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) GREAT CREDIT -- TO HIS GREAT CREDIT TKORB HIS GREAT CREDIT, CHRIS CHRISTIE REALIZED THE

STORM WAS REAL AND THAT HE HAD A JOB TO DO AS GOVERNOR SO IT WAS TIME TO SLALOM DOWN BULL (BLEEP) MOUNTAIN AND DEAL WITH THIS

OBAMA, NOT THIS OBAMA.

(LAUGHTER) NOT EVERYBODY GOT THE MEMO.

>> OVER THE LAST COUPLE MONTHS, YOU HAVE APPEARED THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY ON BEHALF OF MITT ROMNEY, WE HEAR THAT PERHAPS

HE'S GOING TO -- MR. ROMNEY MAY DO SOME STORM-RELATED EVENTS.

IS THERE ANY POSSIBILITY THAT GOVERNOR ROMNEY MAY GO TO NEW JERSEY TO TOUR THE DAMAGE WITH YOU?

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: ARE YOU KIDDING ME, DOOCY?

(LAUGHTER) LOOK AT CHRISTIE.

>> I HAVE NO IDEA NOR AM I THE LEAST BIT CONCERNED OR INTERESTED.

I HAVE A JOB TO DO.

I'VE GOT 2.4 MILLION PEOPLE OUT OF POWER.

I'VE GOT DEVASTATION ON THE SHORE.

I'VE GOT FLOODS IN THE NORTHERN PART OF MY STATE.

IF YOU THINK RIGHT NOW I GIVE A DAMN ABOUT PRESIDENTIAL POLITICS THEN YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: IF I KNOW MY STATE AND MY GOVERNOR, I BELIEVE THAT IS THE POINT OF THE CONVERSATION WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FLIP

OVER A TABLE AND YELL "PRO *S "PROSTITUTION WHORE!" (LAUGHTER) YOU KNOW, ON A PERSONAL NOTE I LIVE IN DOWNTOWN MANHATTAN -- (LAUGHTER).

-- AND AS THE WATER BEGOON RISE I KNEW THAT MY FAMILY COUNTED ON ME IN THIS TIME OF UNPRECEDENTED TROUBLE AND.LAUGH

(LAUGHTER) LAUGH SAM!

SAM!

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO DO SIGN LANGUAGE INTERPRETATION.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO TRANSLATE --

>> JON, I THINK I GOT THE GIST OF IT.

>> Jon: WE'LL BE RIGHT

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