The God Wife

  • Aired:  09/20/12
  •  | Views: 66,462

A tattered piece of ancient papyrus written four centuries after the death of Jesus suggests the water-walking, resurrected son of God may have been married. (3:23)

Captioning sponsored by COMEDY CENTRAL

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW, MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE HAVE A FINE ONE TONIGHT, OUR GUEST TONIGHT, PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON WILL BE JOINING US (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HE IS FROM WHAT I AM BEING TOLD RIGHT NOW JUST WRAPPING UP HIS PIECE AT THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION.

HE'LL BE HERE, I MAKE JOKES FOR A LIVING.

>> FIRST, BIG, BIG, BIG NEWS.

>> NEW EVIDENCE FROM AN ANCIENT TEXT THAT SUGGESTS JESUS MAY HAVE BEEN MARRIED.

JESUS WAS MARRIED, THAT IS SOME PURE, UNCUT SITCOM BAIT.

HE CAN RAISE THE DEAD BUT HEAVEN HELP HIM WHEN HE FORGETS TO PUT DOWN THE TOILET SEAT.

KEVIN JAMES IS JESUS IN THE KING OF KINGS.

(APPLAUSE) HANG ON HERE, THAT WOULD BE A GOOD SHOW.

UNLESS HE'S GOING TO TAKE IT ON STAGE.

WATER WALKING, RESURRECTED SON OF GOD WAS MARRIED.

WHERE IS THE EVIDENCE?

>> THIS MATTERED PIECE OF PAPYRUS MAY LOOK LIKE A DISCARDED BUSINESS CARD.

>> Jon: LET ME INTERRUPT YOU RIGHT THERE.

(LAUGHTER) IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A DISCARDED BUSINESS CARD?

PHYSICALS IT'S A BUSINESS CARD FOR AN ARC BUILDER, MAYBE.

BUT IT REALLY DOES LOOK LIKE A TATTERED PIECE OF PAPYRUS.

YOU CAN'T JUST SAY SOMETHING IN THE VOICE OVER AND EXPECT TO US GO ALONG WITH IT IN THE OFF CHANCE THAT OUR EYES

ARE CLOSED.

IT'S REALLY... SORRY W WHAT IS THE EVIDENCE.

>> A HARVARD SCHOLAR HAS JUST REVEALED THAT A FADED PIECE OF PAPYRUS WRITTEN IN THE COPTIC LANGUAGE 400

YEARS AFTER JESUS DIED CONTAINED THE PHRASE, JESUS SAID TO THEM, MY WIFE.

>> THAT WORD, THAT PHRASE, JESUS SAID, MY WIFE, IS CUT OFF.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WAIT, THAT'S IT?

A PIECE OF PAPYRUS 400 YEARS AFTER THE LIFE OF JESUS THAT HAS THE TWO WORDS "MY WIFE" AND THEN JUST ENDS.

THAT'S YOUR PROOF.

WELL, LET ME SEE IF I CAN FILL THAT SENTENCE OUT FOR YOU.

JESUS SAID MY WIFE, IF I EVER FIND ONE, WILL REALLY HAVE TO LIKE THAI FOOD.

OR HOW ABOUT THIS.

MY WIFE, QUESTION MARK, NO, I'M NOT MARRIED.

(LAUGHTER) WHAT WOULD REAL LIFE BRICK TAMMBLIN SAY ABOUT THIS NEWS.

>> DID YOU KNOW THIS STUNNING CLAIM, JESUS HAD A WIFE?

HUH?

THE STUNNING NEW ARTIFACT JUST UNCOVERED WILL BRING YOU THAT INFORMATION.

>> LUCKY LADY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WHAT'S WITH THE VEGAS WAYNE NEWTON CABARET MATTER ABOUT THE MARRIAGE OF JESUS.

HEY, FOLKS, HOW ABOUT A HAND FOR THESE TWO NEWLY-WED NAZARENES, HUH, JESUS YOOIS AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME,

SWEETHEART, YOU'RE A LUCKY LADY, ALL RIGHT.

MOVING ON NOW.

(LAUGHTER) HEY, THAT MUST HAVE BEEN

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