Indecision 2010 - Democratic Campaign Woes

  • Aired:  09/29/10
  •  | Views: 252,475

Joe Biden tells Democrats to stop whining, and Barack Obama gives University of Wisconsin students a relatable metaphor about irresponsible vehicular operation. (7:32)

>> Jon: HEY, EVERYBODY,

WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW".

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS LINDA

POLMAN, THE AUTHOR OF "CRISIS

CARAVAN", IT'S BEEN A CARAVAN

THAT IS NOT DOING WELL.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR CHARITY

DOLLARS AND YOU WON'T BELIEVE

HOW MUCH BLOW THE RED CROSS IS

DOING.

[LAUGHTER]

WITH FIVE WEEKS TO GO UNTIL THE

ELECTION THERE'S A TALK ABOUT AN

ENTHUSIASM GAP BETWEEN THE

REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS.

BASICALLY SAL RATE ISING

REPUBLICANS ARE CAMPING OUT IN

FRONT OF THE POLLS LIKE THEY ARE

WAITING FOR THE NEXT HARRY

POTTER BOOK.

[LAUGHTER]

WHILE DEMOCRATS REMAIN AT HOME

WATCHING TAPES OF OBAMA'S 2004

RED AND BLUE AMERICA SPEECH

WAOEPG AND -- WEEPING AND

PICKING FUNYAN DUST OUT OF THEIR

BELLY BUTTON.

THE DEMS ARE GOING TO STEP INTO

CAMPAIGN MODE AND MOTIVATE THE

TROOPS.

>> VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN TOLD A

FUND RAISER THAT THEY NEED

REMIND THE BASE TO STOP WHINING.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: THE VICE PRESIDENT JOE

BIDEN UNVEILING THE NEW SLOGAN

FROM THE WHITE HOUSE, WALK IT

OFF YOU PUSSIES.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S BIDEN FROM THE GUT

ADDRESSING DEMOCRATIC -- YOU

LIKE THAT?

IS IT THE FONT OR THE PICTURE?

[LAUGHTER]

BIDEN FROM THE GUT IS ADDRESSING

DEMOCRATIC VOTER COMPLAINTS THAT

RATHER THAN BEING

TRANSFORMATIVE, THIS

ADMINISTRATION HAS LAYERED A

MIXED BAG OF REFORMS OVER A CORE

RODED FOUNDATION OF BUSINESS AS

USUAL.

PRESIDENT OBAMA TOOK A MORE

CEREBRAL APPROACH OF VOTER APATH

Y.

>> IT'S INEXCUSABLE FOR A

DEMOCRAT OR PROGRESSIVE RIGHT

NOW TO STAND ON THE SIDELINES IN

THIS MID TERM ELECTION.

PEOPLE ARE SITTING ON THEIR

HANDS COMPLAINING IS JUST

IRRESPONSIBLE.

>> Jon: OBAMA'S MESSAGE: YOU

ARE DISAPPOINTED IN ME?

WELL, I'M DOUBLY DISAPPOINTED IN

YOU QUITE FRANKLY.

[LAUGHTER]

IN FACT, YOU KNOW THE MOST

DISAPPOINTING THING ABOUT YOU?

YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT IN ME.

[LAUGHTER]

OF COURSE, THE PRESIDENT CAN

STILL CONNECT, CAN STILL BRING

THE MAGIC ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL

AS HE PROVED YESTERDAY AT THE

UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN MADISON

GETTING THE KIND OF RECEPTION

NORMALLY RESERVED FOR THOSE WHO

WOULD LIKE TO, AND I'M QUOTING

HERE, BEAT MINNESOTA.

>> I HAD SOME FUN TIMES UP NEAR

MADISON.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I CAN'T GIVE YOU ALL THE DETAILS

[LAUGHTER]

BUT I HAVE GOOD MEMORIES HERE.

>> Jon: KIND OF FUZZY, IT'S

KIND OF FUZZY BUT I REMEMBER

THIS ONE NIGHT, ME AND MY BOY

BILLY A *EURZ WERE PLAYING BEER

PONG WITH THE TRI DEALTS AND HE

GOES WOULDN'T IT BE FUNNY IF ONE

OF US OR BOTH OF US SUBVERTED

THE CONSTITUTION FROM INSIDE THE

AMERICAN GOVERNMENT.

CONDOOR 4 CUT HIS MIC, CONDOR

FOUR -- I DON'T SCREEN A WATCH.

ONCE THE PRESIDENT PROVED HE

WASN'T A NARC HE TOOK THE

OPPORTUNITY TO TELL HIS CRITICS

HE WAS JUST GETTING WARMED UP.

>> I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE TWO YEARS

GUYS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IF YOU LOOK AT THE CHECKLIST

WE'VE ALREADY COVERED ABOUT 70%

SO I FIGURED I NEED TO HAVE

SOMETHING TO DO FOR THE NEXT

COUPLE OF YEARS.

>> Jon: 70%?

LET'S CHECK THE LIST.

OKAY.

YEAH, MADE A CHECKLIST HE WORKED

OUT.

DID MEET STEVIE WONDER.

WON A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.

GOT AN iPAD AND SELECTED --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

SO HE'S RIGHT.

HE ONLY HAS THREE MORE ON THE

LIST.

[LAUGHTER]

PROBABLY KNOCK OUT THAT OTHER

30% BY JANUARY.

COME ON, OBAMA.

THESE ARE COLLEGE KIDS.

I'LL TALK TO THEM ABOUT MAKING

LISTS OR PERCENTAGES.

GIVE THEM A METAPHOR THEY CAN

DIG THEIR BADGER PAWS INTO.

>> MANY OF THE FOLKS IN THE

OTHER PARTY WHO ARE RUNNING

TODAY ARE THE EXACT SAME PEOPLE

WHO SPENT THE LAST DECADE

DRIVING OUR ECONOMY INTO THE

DITCH.

>> Jon: THERE YOU GO.

WHAT COLLEGE STUDENT CAN'T

RELATE TO IRRESPONSIBLE

VEHICULAR OPERATION?

>> WE ALL WENT DOWN INTO THE

DITCH AND WE PUT ON OUR BOOTS.

IT WAS MUDDY DOWN THERE AND

DIRTY AND DUSTY.

WE WERE SWEATING AND WE WERE

PUSHING THE CAR OUT OF DITCH.

EVERY SO OFTEN WE WOULD LOOK UP

AND SEEING THE REPUBLICANS

STANDING THERE, THEY ARE JUST

STANDING THERE SIPPING ON A

SHRURPY AND WAVING AT US.

>> Jon: WE'RE TRYING TO GET

THE CAR OUT OF DITCH AND THE

REPUBLICANS WERE LIKE, I'VE GOT

BRAIN FREEZE.

AND THEN WE'RE IN THE DITCH,

SAVE THE WORLD.

THEY ARE RUBBING THEIR HEADS

LIKE THIS.

OH, MY HEAD IS -- AHHH!

>> FINALLY BE GET IT UP ON LEVEL

GROUND AND SUDDENLY WE GET A TAP

ON THE SHOULDER.

WE LOOK BEHIND US AND WHO IS IT?

IT'S THE REPUBLICANS AND THEY

ARE ASKING FOR THE KEYS BACK.

AND WE'VE GOT TO TELL THEM, YOU

CAN'T HAVE THE KEYS BACK.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!

>> Jon: BUT THE REPUBLICANS

DON'T LIST AND THEY GET IN THE

CAR AND THEY START IT.

THEY DRIVE AWAY.

WE'RE LIKE MY GOD INJURE SLURPEE

IS ON THE CAR.

THE POINT IS CASH FOR CLUNKERS.

IT WAS A FINE METAPHOR.

OWE BALM WHY'S MESSAGE IS THAT

THE GRUELING LEGISLATIVE

ACHIEVEMENTS PUSHED WILL YOU THE

DEMOCRATIC CONGRESS MAY NOT HAVE

GOTTEN US ALL THE WAY UP THE

HILL OR EVEN ON TO, LET'S SAY A

PAVED ROAD, BUT IT'S GOTTEN US

OUT OF THE DITCH.

THAT'S WHY YOU SEE SO MANY

DEMOCRATS RUNNING ADS PROUDLY

TOUTING THEIR PARTY'S

ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

>> WHEN PRESIDENT OBAMA AND

NANCY PELOSI PRESSURED CHET HE

HAD YARDS -- EDWARDS, CHET STOOD

UP TO THEM.

>> BOBBY VOTED AGAINST THE

TRILLION DOLLAR FEDERAL BUDGET.

WHEN WASHINGTON LIBERALS WANTED

TO TAKE AWAY OUR GUNS CHET SAID

NO.

>> Jon: OHILY -- HOLY

(bleep), THOSE ARE THE ADS

THAT DEMOCRATS ARE RUNNING?

WHAT ADS ARE THE REPUBLICANS

RUNNING?

[LAUGHTER]

>> VOTE FOR ME AND I'LL PUNCH

PRESIDENT OBAMA IN THE BALLS.

>> JIMMY DON FOR CONGRESS.

>> IN THE BALLS!

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: I BELIEVE THAT

GENTLEMAN WOULD TRY THAT.

ROUGH TIMES FOR DEMOCRATS BUT

I'LL TELL YOU ONE OCTOBER

SURPRISE THAT IS A NO BRAINER

FOR THEM.

EXTEND THE TAX CUTS FOR THE

BOTTOM 98% OF INCOME EARNERS

BEFORE THE ELECTION STENY HOYER

SEIZING THE MOMENT.

>> WILL THEY VOTE THIS WEEK ON

WHETHER OR NOT TO EXTEND THE

BUSH TAX CUT?

>> I DOUBT THAT WE WILL, LET ME

TELL YOU WHY.

>> Jon: BECAUSE WE SUCK.

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