Judge Johnny - Lance Armstrong

  • Aired:  07/30/13
  •  | Views: 30,293

Seven-time Tour de France champion and noted a**hole Lance Armstrong can't run away from Judge Johnny's justice. (1:55)

ORDER IN THE COURT.

JASON, WHO IS OUR NEXT

DEFENDANT?

>> JUDGE JOHNNY, OUR NEXT

DEFENDANT IS THE ONLY CYCLIST

ANYONE HASSOR HEARD OF.

HAVING WON THE TOUR DE FRANCE IN

UNPRECEDENTED SEVEN TIMES AFTER

TAKING AN UNPRECEDENT AMOUNT OF

STEROIDS.

HE'S PERHAPS BEST KNOWN FOR

HAVING ONE TOMATO UNDER HIS

CARROT.

HE IS, OF COURSE, NOTED [BLEEP]

LANCE ARMSTRONG.

GOOD LUCK RIDING AWAY FROM THE

JUSTICE THAT JUDGE JOHNNY IS

PEDDLING.

>> John: THANK YOU, JASON.

LANCE ARMSTRONG IS BEING SUED BY

THE D.O.J. FOR $120 MILLION FOR

CHEATING WHEN HE WAS SPONSORED

BY THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE.

THAT'S A TOUGH CHARGE.

WHAT'S ARMSTRONG'S DEFENSE?

>> LANCE ARMSTRONG NOW SAYS THE

POSTAL SERVICE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN

HE WAS DOPING.

>> HE'S SAYING, "I LIED.

YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT I

LIED."

>> John: WOW.

THAT'S HIS DEFENSE?

THIS GUY HAS GOT A LOT OF BALL.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

HE'S PLEADING SO GUILTY IT'S

YOUR FAULT FOR NOT KNOWING HOW

GUILTY HE IS.

IS HE ARGUING ANY MITIGATING

CIRCUMSTANCES?

>> I KNOW IT WAS AN UNFORTUNATE

PERIOD IN OUR SPORT.

UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, I CAME,

YOU KNOW, RIGHT SMACK DAB IN THE

MIDDLE OF THAT PERIOD.

>> John: YOU KNOW WHAT?

HE'S RIGHT.

THAT IS THE REAL TRAGEDY HERE.

I THINK WE ALL OWE LANCE

ARMSTRONG AN APOLOGY FOR MAKING

HIM WIN SEVEN TOUR DE FRANCES

EARNING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN

THE PROCESS DURING SUCH AN

UNFORTUNATE PERIOD IN THE SPORT

HE CHOSE TO PARTICIPATE IN.

ALL RIGHT.

ON THE BASIS OF THIS WORLD

RECORD NARCISSISM I FIND THE

DEFENDANT A GIANT DOUCHE.

JASON.

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