March of Dumbs - Government Shutdown

  • Aired:  10/01/13
  •  | Views: 180,832

The government shutdown curtails inessential programs like the FDA and supplemental nutrition for women, infants and children. (4:32)

SO IT TURNS OUT THAT THERE IS AWHOLE BUNCH OF GOVERNMENT

FUNCTIONS THAT IF ENDED, THECASUAL OBSERVER MAY NOT

IMMEDIATELY FEEL PHYSICALLY BUTNEVERTHELESS MAY HAVE AN EFFECT.

>> NASA, THE EPA AND THEDEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE WOULD

ESSENTIALLY STOP FUNCTIONING,WITH

THE VAST MAJORITY OF THEIREMPLOYEES FORCED TO STAY HOME.

>> 68 PERCENT OF THE CENTER FORDISEASE CONTROL IS, QUOTE,

FURLOUGHED.

>> THE FOOD AND DRUGADMINISTRATION WILL NOT BE ABLE

TO SUPPORT THE MAJORITY OF ITSFOOD SAFETY, COSMETIC

ACTIVITIES.

>> Jon: REALLY? WE MAY NOT BEREVIEWING THE PRODUCTS.

HOW WEIRD, I AM JUST INTRODUCINGONE SAFE PHARMACEUTICAL PRODUCT

TO THE MARKETPLACE.

HELLO, FRIENDS.

ARE YOU TIRED OF THINKING WITHYOUR PENIS? AND THEN HAVING

YOUR PENIS MAKE TERRIBLEDECISIONS? WELL, SUFFER NO

MORE, PEOPLE, WITH NEW BRAINCOCKTIN, BRAIN COCKTIN IS A NOT

ATALL DANGEROUS OR MYSTERIOUS

BLEND OF HOUSEHOLD CLEANINGSUPPLIES AND VARNISH, NATURAL

BLEND OF HERBS THAT WORKTOGETHER TO GROW YOUR PENIS'S

BRAIN, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU HEARDME, SOON YOUR LITTLE HEAD WILL

HAVE THE BIG IQ.

HEY, GUY WHEN YOU ARE DONEURINATING CAN YOU HELP ME WITH

MY CALCULUS HOMEWORK?

>> THANKS, BRAIN COCKTIN!. ITTOTALLY WORKS AND HAS NO

SIDE EFFECTS I AM, I AM NOTREQUIRED TO TELL YOU ABOUT AS

LONG AS THE FDA IS OFFLINE.

>> BRAINCOCKTINFINALLY, YOUR COCK

CAN PAY ATTENTION.

AND HAMBIEN, THE ONLY SLEEPINGPILL THAT IS CLEARLY NOT KOSHER

>> ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S AN INTERESTING GIFFOR THE INTERNET, ME

OPENING A BOTTLE OF BRAINCOCKTINAND GOING LIKE THIS.

ALL RIGHT.

ENJOY THAT!, BUZZ FEED!

>> SO, A COUPLE OF GOVERNMENTAGENCIES ARE CLOSED.

IS THIS SHUTDOWN REALLY GOING TOHURT ANYONE?

>> THE SHUTDOWN WILL ALSOSUSPEND THE SPECIAL SUPPLEMENTAL

NUTRITION PROGRAM FOR WOMEN,INFANTS AND CHILDREN.

>> Jon: LA, LA, LA, LA, LA.

SEE? NOBODY.

IT IS LIKE TAKING CANDY FROM ABABY.

EXCEPT INSTEAD OF CANDY IT ISFOOD.

AND THE REPUBLICANS, THAT ALLADDS UP TO A, I DON'T KNOW, I AM

JUST NOT FEELING IT. ONE SOUNDBITE THAT EXPRESSES THIS WORLD

VIEW -- IT IS THIS ONE RIGHTHERE.

>> IF YOU BELIEVE THE DEMOCRATSIT IS TIME TO GO AND BUY SOME

TANG AND GET IN THE SURVIVALBUNKER.

>> AFTER BUYING SOME TANG.

>> Jon: HA, HA, HA, HA.

(BLEEP) YOU! BECAUSE, FIRST OFALL, FIRST OF ALL --

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Jon: FIRST OF ALL,

DEMOCRATS AREN'T THE ONESWITH SURVIVAL BUNKERS.

THAT IS YOU GUYS.

AND SECOND I KNOW FOR YOU POTTEDMEAT AND TANG IS SHORTHAND FOR

(BLEEP) YOU WOULDN'T IMAGINEEATING UNLESS THERE WAS A

CATASTROPHE BUT THE PEOPLEAFFECTED BY THE GOVERNMENT

SHUTDOWN IT IS THE (BLEEP) THEYEAT THAT THEY CAN NO LONGER

AFFORD.

OF COURSE I DON'T MEAN TOSUGGEST THAT THE REPUBLICANS

DON'T GET UPSET BY THE EFFECTSOF REDUCED GOVERNMENT SERVICES.

WE REMEMBER WHAT THEY WERESCREAMING ABOUT SIX MONTHS AGO.

>> THE CONTROVERSY OVER THEADMINISTRATION'S DECISION TO

CANCEL PUBLIC TOURS OF THE WHITEHOUSE, YOU HAVE ALL THE KIDS

SCREAMING AND MOANING THEY CAN'TGO TO THE WHITE HOUSE TOURS NOW.

>> HE IS PLAYING A POLITICALGAME SAYING I AM CLOSING THE

WHITE HOUSE, HE IS PUNISHINGTHOSE KIDS.

>> HE IS EVEN SCARING LITTLEKIDS.

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

>> MY GRANDSON ROBERT WHO YOUKNOW, HE AND HIS CLASS, WENT TO

THE WHITE HOUSE TOUR ABOUT THREEWEEKS AGO, THEY LOVED IT, BUT

THE PRESIDENT, WHAT THEPRESIDENT IS DOING IS AN

ABSURDITY.

>> THE POLITICIANS INCLUDING THEPRESIDENT DIDN'T DO THEIR JOB

AND THE CHILDREN GET PUNISHED BYTHE WHITE HOUSE.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

>> Jon: EVERYTHING! HEY, YOURKID DIDN'T GET BREAKFAST, THAT'S

YOUR PROBLEM.

MY KID DIDN'T GET TO TOUR THEWHITE HOUSE? THAT IS

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