Scorn in the U.S.A.

  • Aired:  10/18/11
  •  | Views: 270,147

It must be tough for Republicans to love America so much but hate almost three-quarters of the people living in it. (8:54)

>> Jon: WHAT'S HAPPENING?

MY NAME IS JON STEWART!

WE'VE GOT A NICE PROGRAM FOR YOU

TONIGHT.

OUR GUEST TONIGHT, CALVIN

TRILLIN.

AUTHOR OF THE NEW BOOK CALLED

"QUITE ENOUGH OF CALVIN

TRILLIN."

OH, WE'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.

(LAUGHTER)

WHAT?

WHY WOULD I THREATEN MY OWN

GUEST?

ENOUGH LEVITY, ENOUGH FRIVOLITY,

ENOUGH RYE BALD GOOD HUMOR.

TONIGHT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT

SOMETHING SERIOUS.

(LAUGHTER)

AMERICA IS AND HAS BEEN FOR

QUITE SOME TIME AT WAR.

NOW...

(LAUGHTER)

... NOT THAT ONE.

NO, THIS... WHY DON'T I JUST

TELL YOU?

NO, THAT'S NOT THE ONE!

LET ME... THAT'S NOT EVEN...

WHEN DID THAT START?

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S NOT EVEN REAL!

JUST LET ME TELL YOU WHAT IT IS!

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S A BATTLE FOR THE VERY SOUL

OF OUR DEMOCRACY.

>> THE BATTLE FOR OUR DEMOCRACY

IS BEING FOUGHT TODAY.

>> THE RAGING BATTLE IS FOR

AMERICA'S FUTURE.

>> THE HEART AND SOUL OF

AMERICA.

>> WE MUST WIN THIS BATTLE.

>> GET YOUR MUSKETS, AFFIX YOUR

BAYONETS AND THE CHARGE IS TO

THE RIGHT!

>> Jon: BUT BEFORE YOU CHARGE,

POUR THE POWDER FROM THE POWDER

HORN INTO THE BARREL AND THEN...

(LAUGHTER)

... INSERT THE MUSKET BALL AND,

OF COURSE, FOLLOWED BY THE

WADDING, TAMP IT DOWN.

TAMP, TAMP.

(LAUGHTER)

TAMP.

DO NOT PUT IN THE WADDING FIRST.

I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THAT ENOUGH.

(LAUGHTER)

ADD SOME GUN POWDER TO THE...

WHERE'S EVERYBODY GOING?

(LAUGHTER)

WE'RE ALMOST HALFWAY TO BEING

ABLE TO SHOOT.

OBVIOUSLY WE'RE NOT GOING TO

FIGHT THE BATTLE FOR THE SOUL OF

OUR DEMOCRACY WITH 18th CENTURY

WEAPONRY.

SO TELL US, LEADERS OF THE

REPUBLICAN PARTY, WHAT SHOULD WE

DO?

>> I'M ASKING PEOPLE TO COME TO

WASHINGTON, D.C. BY THE CARLOAD.

>> TAKE TO THE STREETS WITH

THEIR VOICES AND THEIR VOTES.

>> PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO FIGHT TO

TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK.

>> NOW IS THE TIME!

LET'S GO AND LET YOUR VOICE BE

HEARD.

>> FIGHT FOR YOUR COUNTRY AND

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

>> WE CAN TAKE THIS COUNTRY

BACK!

>> Jon:

♪ AMERICA, (BLEEP) YEAH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I DON'T KNOW WHY I ALWAYS MAKE

MYSELF THE BASS PLAYER.

(LAUGHTER)

WHY WOULDN'T BY LEAD GET STAR IN

IT'S MY OWN AIR BAND AND YET...

(LAUGHTER)

I MIKE MYSELF THE BASS PLAYER.

IT REALLY MAKES VERY LITTLE

SENSE.

WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

(LAUGHTER)

YES!

REPUBLICAN MAJORITY LEADER ERIC

CANTOR IS RIGHT!

THE PEOPLE MUST TAKE TO THE

STREETS TO TAKE THIS COUNTRY

BACK!

(CHANTING)

>> WHOSE STREETS?

OUR STREETS!

>> THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING!

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD!

IT'S WORKING!

(LAUGHTER)

ERIC CANTOR, ARE YOU SEEING

THIS?

THE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN AWAKENED BY

YOUR BATTLE CRY!

>> I FOR ONE AM INCREASINGLY

CONCERNED ABOUT THE GROWING MOBS

OCCUPYING WALL STREET AND THE

OTHER CITIES ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: OH, I THOUGHT WE WERE

HAVING A DEMOCRACY SOUL BATTLE.

(LAUGHTER)

REMEMBER, TAKE OUR COUNTRY BACK!

THE BAYONETS!

THE CHARGING WITH THE POWDER AND

THE MUSKETS.

(LAUGHTER)

SO THAT'S WHAT THE WALL STREET

PROTESTORS ARE DOING.

SOMEHOW THAT WRONG?

>> I THINK THE IDEA OF DIVIDING

OUR NATION AT A TIME OF CRISIS

IS THE WRONG WAY TO GO.

>> TALKING ABOUT MILLIONAIRES

AND BILLIONAIRES AND PITTING ONE

GROUP AGAINST ANOTHER.

>> IT'S US VERSUS THEM ARGUMENT.

>> ONE SET OF AMERICANS AGAINST

ANOTHER.

>> CLASS WARFARE WILL DIVIDE

THIS COUNTRY MORE, WILL ATTACK

JOB CREATORS, DIVIDE PEOPLE.

>> AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT, SOME

IN THIS TOWN HAVE ACTUALLY

CONDONED THE PITTING OF

AMERICANS AGAINST AMERICANS.

>> Jon: THAT WAS YOU!

IT WAS, LIKE...

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

IT WAS... YOU DID IT RIGHT...

WAIT, HOLD ON!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WHEN WAS THAT?

IT WAS... IT WAS YOU LIKE A

MINUTE AGO, REMEMBER?

>> THE BATTLE FOR OUR DEMOCRACY

IS BEING FOUGHT TODAY WE CAN

TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK.

>> I THINK YOU WERE WEARING THE

SAME STHIRT!

I KNOW IT WAS FROM A COUPLE OF

YEARS AGO BUT... NOW, LOOK, IF

REPUBLICANS DON'T CONDONE

PITTING AMERICANS AGAINST

AMERICANS, WELL THEN WHO IS IT

THAT WE AMERICANS SHOULD BE

TAKING THIS COUNTRY BACK FROM?

>> WHO ARE WE UP AGAINST?

I WANT TO DEFINE THAT ENEMY.

THEY ARE LIBERALS.

THEY ARE PROGRESSIVES.

>> Jon: OKAY, UM... I'M PRETTY

SURE THOSE PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY

AMERICANS.

>> THE ENTERTAINMENT AND NEWS

MEDIA INDUSTRY.

>> PLANNED PARENTHOOD.

>> THE TEACHERS UNIONEDS.

>> THE TENURED PROFESSORS WHO

CAN FLUNK YOU IF YOU ARE TOO

OPENLY CONSERVATIVE.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Jon: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,

EVERYONE YOU LISTED I BELIEVE

ARE AMERICANS AND SECOND, WHERE

THE BLOOP DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

THEY CAN FLUNK YOU FOR BEING

CONSERVATIVE?

OH, I KNOW WHERE YOU WENT,

"FICTIONAL U." GO FIGHTING

FIGMENTS OF YOUR PARANOID

IMAGINATION.

(LAUGHTER)

AND SORORITY GIRLS WHO WON'T

HAVE SEX WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE

A REPUBLICAN.

YEAH!

THAT'S IT!

LESBIANS.

(LAUGHTER)

IS THAT IT?

ARE THERE ANY OTHER GROUPS THAT

IT'S OKAY TO PIT AMERICANS

AGAINST?

>> LABOR UNIONS AND THE PERSONAL

INJURY TRIAL BAR.

>> THE S.E.I.U..

>> COMMUNITY ORGANIZERS.

>> FEDERAL EMPLOYEES.

>> 50% OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T EVEN

PAY INCOME TAXES.

>> ACTIVIST JUDGES.

>> GLOBAL WARMING ADVOCATES GAVE

FOLKS THAT...

>> GAY FOLKS THAT ARE LIVING

TOGETHER.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, I DON'T MIND

GAY FOLKS LIVING ALONE.

(LAUGHTER)

SOME TYPE OF ALCOVE STUDIO AND

PUT UP ONE OF THEM JAPANESE

DIVIDERS.

YOU GOT TWO ROOMS, YOU'VE GOT A

SITTING ROOM AND YOU'VE GOT YOUR

(BLEEP)ING ROOM.

(LAUGHTER)

SEE, AS IT TURNS OUT, ON A VENN

DIAGRAM, THE GROUP OF AMERICANS

THAT REPUBLICANS SAY IT'S NOT

ONLY OKAY BUT NECESSARY TO PIT

AMERICANS AGAINST MATCHES UP

PRETTY WELL WITH THE LIST OF

PEOPLE WHO DON'T VOTE

REPUBLICAN.

ACTUALLY, THERE'S ONLY REALLY

ONE SLIVER OF PEOPLE THERE THAT

REPUBLICANS HATE BUT STILL VOTE

REPUBLICAN.

CAN WE ZOOM IN ON THAT AND SEE

WHO THAT IS?

OH, MITT ROMNEY.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HERE'S YOUR PROBLEM.

IF YOU START ADDING UP UNIONS

AND PROGRESSIVES AND LIBERALS

AND PEOPLE TOO POOR PAY INCOME

TAX AND PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TAX

MILLIONAIRES AND...

>> A NEW POPL SHOWS 54% OF

AMERICANS VIEW THE OCCUPY WALL

STREET PROTESTS FAVORABLY.

73% FAVOR RAISING TAXES ON THOSE

EARNING MORE THAN A MILLION

DOLLARS A YEAR.

>> Jon: WOW.

GOT TO BE TOUGH TO LOVE AMERICA

SO MUCH BUT HATE ALMOST THREE

QUARTERS OF THE PEOPLE LIVING IN

IT.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, ERIC

CANTOR?

YOU'RE LIKE THE ONE KID ON THE

PLAYGROUND ALWAYS JUST THROWING

THE DOZENS ALL DAY ABOUT

SOMEONE'S MOM.

"YOUR MOM'S SO DUMB SHE THINKS

FOOD STAMPS ARE WHAT YOU USE TO

MAIL FOOD."

(LAUGHTER)

"YOUR MOM'S SO UGLY RICHARD

DAWKINS USED HER AS PROOF OF THE

NON-EXISTENCE OF GOD!"

(LAUGHTER)

NO, WAIT!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I'M ASSUMING HE GOES TO A

PRIVATE SCHOOL.

AND THEN WHEN SOMEONE ELSE ON

THE PLAYGROUND FINALLY COMES

BACK WITH "OH, YEAH?

WELL, YOUR MOM'S SO FAT..."

BEFORE THEY EVEN FINISH CANTOR'S

LIKE "WHOA!

UNCOOL!

I AM VERY CONCERNED ABOUT ALL

THIS MOTHER TALK DIVIDING OUR

PLAYGROUND!

AND GIVE ME YOUR LUNCH MONEY,

YOU NEED TO HAVE SOME SKIN

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