Areola 51

  • Aired:  09/27/11
  •  | Views: 117,533

After weeks of freaking out over what Chaz Bono did to his chest, Nancy Grace's nip slip should horrify Fox News. (5:40)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK TO THE

SHOW.

HEY, DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT IN

ICELAND THEY BURY SHARK FOR A

YEAR AND THEN THEY DIG IT UP AND

FORCE PEOPLE FROM NORWAY TO EAT

IT?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S THE NEXT IRON CHEF.

LOOK, AS YOU KNOW, THIS SEASON

IS THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL SEASON

OF DANCING WITH THE THE STARS

THEY'VE EVER DONE.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A

GREAT IDEA FOR THAT SHOW?

A CELEBRITY VERSION.

(LAUGHTER)

ANYWAY... THE REASON THE REASON

FOR ALL THIS CONTROVERSY, OF

COURSE, IS THE PRESENCE OF ONE

CHAZ BONO.

>> CHAZ BONO, WHO IS

TRANSGENDER, IS A CONTESTANT AND

IT'S A CONTROVERSY.

>> OUTRAGED OUTCRY ONLINE FROM

THE AMERICAN FAMILY ASSOCIATION.

>> ACCUSING THE NETWORK OF

PUSHING A HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA.

>> IT'S POSSIBLE THAT IF SOMEONE

IS CELEBRATED AND LIFTED TO

HEROIC PROPORTIONS LIKE THAT OF

A CIVIL RIGHTS LEADER THAT

SOMEBODY WHO IS SOMEWHAT

UNCOMFORTABLE WITH HIS OR HER

GENDER MIGHT SAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GOING DOWN THAT ROAD.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Jon: AND WHILE IT'S NOT

POSSIBLE, IT IS POSSIBLE.

(LAUGHTER)

SO I HAD A CHOICE AS A PARENT--

MISS THE ONLY SHOW THAT MAKES ME

FEEL YOUNG...

(LAUGHTER)

OR SPEND A MONTH PREPARING MY

CHILDREN FOR THE CONFUSION OF

SEEING A MAN NAMED CHAZ DANCE ON

A SHOW.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW, KIDS, I KNOW YOU DIDN'T ASK

ME BUT LET ME EXPLAIN HETERO

NORMATIVE BEHAVIOR TO TWO PEOPLE

WHO STILL BELIEVE IN COOTIES.

(LAUGHTER)

THE TRUTH IS, THE ONLY THING

THEY DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE

CHAZ BONO STORY WAS HOW HIS

PARENTS EVER GOT TOGETHER.

(LAUGHTER)

DADDY, HOW DID THE PRETTY BIRD

LADY END UP WITH THE TROLLY

MUSTACHE KING?

(LAUGHTER)

I KNOW IT WAS THE '70s, BUT COME

ON!

SO PREPARED, I FEEL THERE'S

NOTHING ON DANCING WITH THE

STARS THAT COULD PHASE MY

CHILDREN.

AND THEN LAST NIGHT I TURN IT ON

AND THEY SEE THIS.

>> LET ME HELP YOU OUT THERE A

LITTLE BIT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WHY IS THE ANGRY LADY

FROM COURT T.V. TRYING TO

BREAST-FEED MY CHILDREN?

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN

THAT... WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY?

"NANCY GRACE'S STREET WINKING AT

YOU."

(LAUGHTER)

OH, NANCY GRACE HAS A TATTOO OF

HER NIPPLE ON HER NIPPLE!

(LAUGHTER)

REALLY, FLASH DANCE?

YOU CAN DO BETTER.

YOU CAN...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THERE.

THERE.

IT IS QUITE A MYSTERY, ISN'T IT?

AFTER WEEKS OF FREAKING OUT

BECAUSE OF WHAT CHAZ BONO DID TO

HIS CHEST SUDDENLY IT'S NANCY

GRACE WHO'S RUBBING HER NIPPLES

ALL OVER AMERICA'S CHILDREN.

I'D IMAGINE THAT THE FOLKS OVER

AT FOX WERE JUST AS HORRIFIED AT

THAT AS THEY WERE AT CHAZ BONO.

>> NOT SO GRACEFUL WARDROBE

MALFUNCTION.

>> OH, NO!

UH-OH, I MISSED IT LAST NIGHT ON

"DANCING WITH THE STARS."

NANCY GRACE SHOWING A LITTLE

MORE SKIN THAN SHE PROBABLY

WANTED TO.

>> AVERT YOUR EYES.

>> I MISSED IT.

ANY WAY, RICKI LAKE ON TOP OF

THE LEADER BOARD WITH 23 POINTS.

CHAZ BONO DROPPED TO LAST PLACE.

UH-OH, A SCORE OF 17 POINTS.

>> IT TURNS OUT HE HAS A KNEE

INJURY AND IT'S GIVEN CHAZ

TROUBLE.

WITH MORE ON THAT, STEVE, CAN

YOU TELL US?

>> NO, I CAN'T, THANK YOU VERY

MUCH.

WILL

>> LET'S TALK ABOUT THE SUN

INSTEAD, THAT MIGHT TAKE TOO

LONG TO EXPLAIN TO STEVE, BRIAN,

AND THE REST OF THE WORLD.

>> ONE PART OF CHAZ THAT HASN'T

BEEN OPERATED ON.

>> LIKE I SAID...

>> SO FAR.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Jon: HA!

HA!

HA!

HA!

HA-HA-HA!

CHAZ BONO WHEN HE WAS A WOMAN

NEVER FELT COMFORTABLE WITH HIS

JEND SORE HE SPENT YEARS IN

ANXIETY AND TURMOIL AND HAD TO

GO THROUGH PHYSICAL TRIALS AND

PAIN TO BE AT PEACE WITH HIS

PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL SELF!

HA, HA, HA!

NOW HIS KNEES HURT AND HE'S

GOING TO GET PENISES PUT ON HIS

KNEES!

HA, HA!

SEVENTH GRADE RULES!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THE (BLEEP)ING GUY HURT HIS KNEE

AND YOU'RE STILL TRYING, HUH,

KILL IMMEDIATE?

YOU HAD YOUR SHOT, GUYS, FOR ONE

SHINING MOMENT YOU WEREN'T THE

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