Arrest Development

  • Aired:  04/22/13
  •  | Views: 70,218

Americans discover that Chechnya and Czech Republic are two different countries, and government officials use the Boston bombings to push preconceived priorities. (4:30)

Captioning sponsored by

COMEDY CENTRAL

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY

SHOW.

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WHAT A SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

FROM THE HIT SHOW MAD MAN

CHRISTINA HENDRICKS WILL BE

JOINING US IN A LITTLE BIT.

BUT, FOLKS, A LOT HAS HAPPENED

SINCE WE LAST SPOKE ON THURSDAY.

FOR A COUNTRY WHOSE POLITICAL

INSTITUTIONS HAVE IN MANY WAYS

STUNNED MERCURY SENTLY WITH THE

LACK OF COURAGE AND COMPETENCE,

IT WAS REFRESHING TO SEE SOME OF

OUR CIVIC INSTITUTIONS

DISPLAYING BOTH TRAITS IN FULL

FORCE: CARING FOR THE WOUNDED,

TRACKING DOWN, KILLING AND/OR

CAPTURING PERPS, WE CALL THEM

PERPS IN THE MAKE-BELIEVE LAW

ENFORCEMENT TRADE.

DOING IT ALL WITHIN ONE WEEK OR

TO PUT THAT IN POLITICAL SENATE

TERMS, THREE FILIBUSTERS AND A

SECRET POLL.

AS ALWAYS AFTER THE CRISIS

PASSES, THOUGHTS TURN TO WHAT

DOES THIS MEAN?

FIRST, REFLECTIONS FROM

OVERSEAS.

>> THE CZECH REPUBLIC IS A

EUROPEAN COUNTRY.

IT'S A DIFFERENT THING THAN

CHECHNYA.

>> Jon: THAT IS THE CZECH

REPUBLIC AMBASSADOR FEELING THE

JUSTIFIED NEED TO EXPLAIN TO AN

AMERICAN AUDIENCE THAT TWO

SIMILAR-SOUNDING FOREIGN NATIONS

ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE SAME

NATION.

I INTERRUPTED YOU.

PLEASE GO ON.

>> OBVIOUSLY WE'VE BEEN SEEING

THINGS ON THE SOCIAL MEDIA THAT

PEOPLE ARE SAYING THAT THE CZECH

REPUBLIC AND CHECHNYA.

THE SCHEM REPUBLIC IS A COUNTRY

OF CENTRAL EUROPE AND YOUR NATO

ALLY.

>> Jon: WHO SAID THE CZECH

REPUBLIC WASN'T AN ALLY.

DO YOU REALLY THINK WE WOULD

OVERREACT TO A TERROR ATTACK ON

OUR SOIL BY INVADING A COUNTRY

THAT HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO

DO WITH... (LAUGHING).

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

ALL RIGHT.

WAIT A MINUTE.

ARE YOU CALLING US STUPID?

THAT'S DISRESPECTFUL TO GET A

COUNTRY BOMBED.

NO, NO DISRESPECT.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS HERE IN

AMERICA, THIS TRAGEDY ABSOLUTELY

DEMONSTRATES THE INTENSE URGENCY

OF WHATEVER ISSUE WAS ALREADY

YOUR PRECONCEIVED PRIORITY.

>> WE'RE ADDRESSING A BROKEN

IMMIGRATION SYSTEM.

WHAT HAPPENED IN BOSTON AND

INTERNATIONAL TERRORISM I THINK

SHOULD URGE US TO ACT QUICKER

NOT SLOWER WHEN IT COMES TO

GETTING THE 11 MILLION IDENTIFY.

>> Jon: IMMIGRATION REFORM MUST

PROCEED POSTHASTE.

>> GIVEN THE EVENTS OF THIS WEEK

IT'S IMPORTANT FOR US TO

UNDERSTAND THE GAPS AND

LOOPHOLES IN OUR IMMIGRATION

SYSTEM.

THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE...

>> Jon: WE NEED TO SLOW

IMMIGRATION DOWN.

IN THE WAKE OF THE BOSTON TERROR

ATTACK THE ONLY THING MORE

IMPORTANT THAN GETTING

IMMIGRATION REFORM DONE IS

SLOWING IMMIGRATION REFORM DOWN.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THIS IS A BIT OF A RORSCHACH

CRIME IN THE SAME WAY YOU MIGHT

LOOK AT THIS RORSCHACH BLOT AND

SEE A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY

SITTING ON A PENIS.

WHEREAS OTHERS MIGHT LOOK AT

THAT RORSCHACH AND SEE AN

ANNOYING BUTTERFLY BLOCKING MY

VIEW OF THAT PENIS.

SHOO, SHOO.

>> OUR NEXT GUEST IS FACING

MOUNTING CRITICISM FOR A TWEET

SENT MOMENTS AFTER THE CAPTURE

OF THE SECOND BOMBING SUSPECT.

NEW YORK STATE SENATOR GREG BALL

WROTE THIS.

SO [BLEEP] NUMBER 2 IN CUSTODY.

WHO WOULDN'T USE TORTURE ON THIS

PUNK TO SAVE MORE LIVES?

>> Jon: I GET IT.

WE'RE ALL A LITTLE EMOTIONAL ON

TWITTER.

YOU'RE WATCHING SOMETHING.

YOU GET CHARGED UP.

YOU MIGHT END UP IMPULSIVELY

ADVOCATING TORTURE OR GETTING IN

A FLAME WAR WITH A BELIEVER.

I'M SORRY.

I THINK ANNE FRANK IS MORE OF A

ONE-DIRECTION TYPE GAL.

ANY OTHER VERSIONS OF THE

BOMBING'S REAL LESSON.

>> IN WATERTOWN THEY'RE GOING

DOOR TO DOOR.

THERE WAS A REAL CONCERN THAT

THIS FELL OAL MIGHT BE ON THE

LOOSE.

MIGHT BREAK INTO THEIR HOUSE AND

MIGHT TAKE HOSTAGES.

WOULD PEOPLE HAVE LIKED TO HAVE

GUNS SNIEM SURE.

THAT WOULD HAVE MADE EVERYTHING

GO MUCH MORE SMOOTHLY IF ONLY

EVERYONE HAD GUNS AND BOMBS AND

WHATEVER THE [BLEEP] THEY COULD

GET THEIR HANDS ON.

LET ME PLAY YOU THE ACTUAL

FOOTAGE OF THIS GUY'S ARREST.

YOU NEEDED A HELMET.

THAT'S WHAT YOU NEEDED.

TARANTINO LISTENS

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