The Taxman Dumbeth

  • Aired:  06/03/13
  •  | Views: 69,025

The IRS faces increased scrutiny for bankrolling a would-be dance sensation and the world's worst porn parodies. (3:39)

PAPERWORK.

( LAUGHTER )

SEE, THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH

ODDTING, I.R.S.

YOU MAY HAVE PERFECTLY

REASONABLE EXPLANATIONS FOR

EVERY ACTION THAT YOU TOOK.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE DON'T NEED

YOU TO GO BACK HOME AND DIG

THROUGH ANOTHER COUPLE OF SHOE

BOXES UNTIL WE GET ONE DOCUMENT

THAT WE REALLY NEED TO SEE

BEFORE WE CAN BE OKAY.

WHY?

THAT'S WHY.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

AND HERE'S THE OTHER THING ABOUT

AUDIT WORLD--

( LAUGHTER )

I AM LUCKY I'M LEAVING THE

COUNTRY SOON.

( LAUGHTER )

HERE'S THE OTHER THING ABOUT

AUDIT WORLD.

WHILE WE'RE ALL BUSY LOOKING FOR

THE SMOKING GUN ON THE

GOVERNMENT TARGETING SCANDAL,

WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE WE MIGHT

FIND?

>> THIS VIDEO MADE BY I.R.S.

EMPLOYEES TO CLOSE OUT A 2010

I.R.S. CONFERENCE.

ACCORDING TO THE VIDEO'S

NARRATOR THOSE TAKING PART ARE

COMPETING TO BECOME THE NEXT

GREAT DANCE SENSATION.

>> WE'RE TOLD THE CUPID DANCE

VIDEO COST $1600 TO MAKE.

>> Jon: TWO THINGS--

( LAUGHTER ).

FIRST, AFTER WATCHING THAT

VOORKS I'M PRETTY CONVINCED IT

WOULD BE DIFFICULT FOR THE

I.R.S. TO COORDINATE ANYTHING.

( LAUGHTER )

LET ALONE A MACHIAVELLIAN

POLITICAL PLOT.

AND, NUMBER TWO, HOW THE

( BLEEP ) DID THAT COST $1600?

( LAUGHTER )

DID THE GUY RECORDING IT DROP

HIS iPHONE THREE TIMES?

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

$1600!

THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT THAT BAD.

YOU WRITE THAT OFF AS A MORALE

BOOSTER, IT'S OKAY.

>> $60,000 TO MAKE A PAIR OF

DIFFERENT VOOZ, SPOOFS OF

"GILLIGAN'S ISLAND" AND "STAR

TREK."

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Jon: THOSE MAY BE THE

WORST PARODIES I'VE EVER SEEN.

THEY REALLY--

( APPLAUSE )

IT ACTUALLY GIVES ME A LOT

MORE-- LET ME SAY THIS.

I ACTUALLY NOW HAVE A LOT MORE

RESPECT FOR THE DIRECTORS OF

"HOW I WET YOUR MOTHER."

YOU KNOW, $1600.

REALLY?

GOING TO TAKE THAT DOWN, HUH?

1600 THERE, 60 GRAND THERE.

ANY OTHER BUSINESS EXPENSES YOU

WANT TO TRY TO DEDUCT, I.R.S.?

>> THE I.R.S. SPENT ROUGHLY $49

MILLION ON 220 EMPLOYEE

CONFERENCES.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: HOLY ( BLEEP ).

YOU SPENT ALMOST $50 MILLION ON

220 CONFERENCES?

THAT'S--

( LAUGHTER )

THAT'S ONLY IN THREE YEARS.

THAT WORKS OUT TO, LIKE, $8

MILLION A CONFERENCE.

( LAUGHTER )

OH, THAT'S NOT ON.

( LAUGHTER )

ALL RIGHT.

IT'S ACTUALLY-- I THAIT THAT WAS

ON.

I THOUGHT I HAD IT ON.

IT'S $250,000 PER CONFERENCE.

EVEN THE GUYS WHO THROW THE

PLAYERS' BALL ONLY SPEND, LIKE,

20 GRAND AND THEY'RE DRINKING

OUT OF ONE OF THESE.

( LAUGHTER )

YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T CARE,

I.R.S., IF YOU KEPT THE RECEIPT.

EVEN IF THE CONFERENCES WERE FOR

A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS EXPENSE--

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS AUDIT'S GOING TO ACHE A

WHILE I.R.S. AND THERE'S ONLY

ONE GROUP OF PEOPLE I KNOW OF

WHO CAN HELP YOU THROUGH IT.

>> ARE YOU BEING AUDITED?

THE TAX MASTERS WILL SOLVE YOUR

TAX PROBLEMS.

>> Jon: WE'LL BE RIGHT

BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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