The Schlong Goodbye

  • Aired:  06/20/11
  •  | Views: 87,927

CNN, Fox News and MSNBC cut away from Nancy Pelosi's news conference after she announces that there will be no Weiner talk. (4:00)

MOVING ON.

YOU KNOW WHAT, LET'S JUST

GIVE IT BACK TO THE REAL

NEWS SINCE THAT'S WHAT WE DO

HERE.

ANTHONY WEINER STEPPED DOWN

LAST THURSDAY LEAVING MOST

OBSERVERS WONDERING WHAT ARE

WE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH OUR

GIANT DILDO WHEEL.

(LAUGHTER)

WHOSE'S GOING TO BUY IT NOW?

OF COURSE, WE AT THE DAILY

SHOW ARE NOT AROUND TO COVER

THE NEWS CONFERENCE.

BUT LUCKILY THE 24 HOURS

STEP INTO THE BREACH

WHENEVER THE DAILY SHOW IS

ON ASSIGNMENT, I HAPPENED TO

BE IN A HOTEL ROOM IN D.C.

AT THE TIME SO OBVIOUSLY I

WAS READING THE BIBLE WHILE

HI CNN ON ON THE BACKGROUND.

THEIR ANTICIPATION WAS

PALPABLE.

>> WE ARE SUPPOSED TO HEAR

FROM NANCY PELOSI IN JUST

ABOUT TEN MINUTES.

>> WHEN YOU SEE LEADER

PELOSI IN A MOMENT.

>> I CAN SEE KATE BALDWIN

THERE AT THE NEWS CONFERENCE

GETTING READY, I UNDERSTAND

THAT NANCY PELOSI IS IN THE

ROOM.

>> Jon: I WONDER IF SHE'S

GOING TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE

KILLED OSAMA BIN LADEN!

(LAUGHTER)

FORMER SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE

WILL BE GIVING HER REGULARLY

SCHEDULED PRESS

AVAILABILITY.

OH [BLEEP],IT'S ON!

>> NANCY PELOSI NOW

ADDRESSING THE ANTHONY

WEINER SCANDAL.

>> GOOD MORNING, AS USUAL

WE'RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT

JOBS, ABOUT PROTECTING

MEDICARE, AND TO PROTECTING

THE MIDDLE CLASS.

IF YOU ARE HERE TO ASK A

QUESTION ABOUT CONGRESSMAN

WEINER, I WON'T BE ANSWERING

ANY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THE ECONOMY, JOBS?

NO WEINER TALK?

THE ECONOMY AND JOBS ARE

IMPORTANT.

LET'S GIVE IT A CHANCE.

>> I WILL JUST TELL YOU THAT

UP FRONT.

IT IS DAY 163, 163 DAYS

SINCE THE REPUBLICAN --

>> ALL RIGHT, I ACTUALLY SAW

JOHN KEANE SORT OF GRINNING

MAYBE BECAUSE HE SORT CHED

MUCH EXPECTED THAT AND DANA

BASH, YOU TOO ON THE HILL.

WE THOUGHT THAT POSSIBLY

NANCY PELOSI WOULD TAKE

QUESTIONS RIGHT AWAY,

CONSIDERING THE STORIES

THAT'S BEEN BREAKING FOR

ABOUT 45 MINUTES NOW.

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE NOPE,

SHE'S GOING TO START WITH

JOBS THE MIDDLE CLASS.

>> Jon: LAST TRAIN,

SNOOZEVILLE IS LEAVING.

YOU'RE BORING ME STATION.

THE OTHER 24 FAIRED NO

BETTER, BOTH FOX AND MSNBC

ALSO CUTTING AWAY

IMMEDIATELY AFTER IT BECAME

CLEAR THIS WOULD BE A

WEINERLESS PICNIC.

>> IT IS DAY 163, 163 DAYS

SINCE THE REPUBLICANS HAVE

TAKEN OVER THE MAJORITY OF

THE HOUSE.

>> ALL RIGHT SO, NANCY

PELOSI-- SAYING SHE IS NOT

GOING TO HAVE ANY COMMENT ON

ANTHONY WEINER'S

RESIGNATION.

>> Jon: DID YOU CATCH THAT,

THAT WAS MSNBC, WITH THEIR

LIBERAL BIAS, THEY LET NANCY

PELOSI SAY EIGHT MORE WORDS

THAN CNN.

(LAUGHTER)

BASTARDS!

MY FAVORITE MOMENT OF THE

AFTERNOON HAD TO BELONG TO

OUR GOOD FRIEND WOLF BLITZER

WHO 30 MINUTES AFTER CNN

BAILED ON THE PELOSI JOBS

SPEECH BITTERLY COMPLAINED

ABOUT, WELL, LISTEN.

>> WE HAVE COVERED THESE

KINDS OF STORIES.

IT'S NOT A PLEASURE FOR US.

IT'S NOT SOMETHING WE LOOK

FORWARD TO.

I WOULD MUCH RATHER BE

DISCUSSING ECONOMIC ISSUES,

JOBS, THE FUTURE OF MEDICARE,

NATIONAL SECURITY ISSUES.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> THEN TALKING ABOUT THIS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WHAT?

WAIT, WHAT'S STOPPING YOU?

THERE'S NOTHING STOPPING

YOU.

WHAT IS STOPPING YOU FROM

DOING THAT?

>> YOU KNOW, SUZANNE, I HAVE

TO TELL YOU, THE ITCHING ON

MY FACE IS NAIRLY UNBEARABLE.

MY VESAGE IN A MIRROR IS NOT

SOMETHING I LOOK FORWARD TO

SEEING.

I WOULD MUCH RATHER MY

FINGERS BE RUNNING AGAINST A

SMOOTH AND CLEAN SKIN

SURFACE BUT, OBVIOUSLY I'M

23409 A FAITION HAIR GOD-- A

FACIAL HAIR GOD.

I'M HELPLESS TO REMOVE IT

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