Field of Dongs

  • Aired:  07/13/11
  •  | Views: 331,933

Michele Bachmann gains traction in Iowa even though Marcus Bachmann is an Izod shirt away from being the gay character on "Modern Family." (5:58)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY

SHOW".

MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

WE'VE GOT A GOOD ONE FOR YOU

TONIGHT.

MY GUEST TONIGHT AUTHOR MATTHEW

RICHARDSON.

HE IS AUTHOR OF A BOOK ABOUT

FANNIE MAE AND FREDDY IMAGINE

AND -- FREDDIE MAC AND WHY THE

TWO SHU NEVER HAVE GOTTEN

MARRIED.

REPUBLICAN MICHEL BACHMANN HAS

SURGED ABOVE PRESIDENT OBAMA.

THE KEY TO THE SUCCESS PROGROWTH

AGENDA, ADHERENCE TO THE

FOUNDING FATHERS PRINCIPLES AND

SOMETHING SPECIAL.

>> ANALYSTS SAY HER

UNCOMPROMISING VIEWS ON

HOMOSEXUALITY ARE ONE OF BIG

REASONS SHE'S GAINING TRACTION

IN IOWA.

>> Jon: WHAT?

WHY WOULD IOWANS BE SO CONCERNED

ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS THREE INCHES

BELOW THE CORN BELT?

[LAUGHTER]

SINCE THE IOWA SUPREME COURT

LEGALIZED SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IN

2009 THEY'VE NOTICED REAL

CHANGES IN THE STATE'S CASH

CROP!

[LAUGHTER]

YES, THEIR WORST FEARS CORN

DESTROYED BY A (bleep)

PLAYING.

[LAUGHTER]

A -- (bleep) PLAGUE.

MOVIE ABOUT IOWA FIELD OF -- IF

YOU BUILD IT THEY WILL -- YOU

KNOW.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S NO SURPRISING THE MESSAGE

IS RESONATING TO CONSERVATIVES

THERE.

UNLESS YOU THINK SHE'S PANDERING

REST APRIL SURED SHE'S BE ON

THIS MESSAGE FOR YEARS.

>> IF YOU ARE INVOLVED IN THE

GAY AND LESBIAN LIFESTYLE IT'S

BONDAGE.

IT'S PERSONAL BONDAGE, PERSONAL

DESPAIR AND ENSLAVEMENT.

THAT'S WHY IT'S SO DANGEROUS.

IT'S A SAD LIFE.

IT'S PART OF SATAN TO SAY THIS

IS GAY.

IT'S ANYTHING BUT GAY.

>> Jon: IF I WERE TO USE A

WORD FOR THEIR LIFESTYLE I'D SAY

IT WAS QUEER.

WHAT THEY TOOK THAT WORD, TOO?

OH, GOD.

THOSE (bleep).

THEY'VE GOT THAT ONE, TOO?

[LAUGHTER]

REPRESENTATIVE BACHMANN DOESN'T

JUST TALK THE TALK.

SHE AND HER HUSBAND WALK THE

WALK.

DR. BACHMANN RUNS A CHRISTIAN

COUNSELING TERM THAT PRACTICES

REPAIRA ACTIVE THERAPY OR PRAY

THE GAY AWAY.

WHY HE DENIES IT SOME FOCIALER

PATIENTS REMEMBER THINGS

DIFFERENTLY.

>> HIS PATH FOR MY THERAPY WOULD

BE TO READ THE BIBLE AND PRAY

THAT -- TO GOD THAT I WOULD NO

LONGER BE GAY.

>> IF NONE AFTER THIS WORKED,

RAMIREZ SAYS THE COUNSELOR HAD

ANOTHER IDEA.

>> HE SUGGESTED TO YOU, WHAT?

>> NOT ACTING OUT ON MY SAME-SEX

ATTRACTIONS AND LIVING A LIFE OF

SELL BASIS.

-- SELL SEL DE LA TERRE -- CELIxD

CELIBACY.

>> Jon: HE ALWAYS PRESCRIBED A

MEDICAL COCKTAIL WITH A SIDE

EFKS OF A FOUR HOUR ERECTION AND

I WASN'T GOING TO LET THAT GO

AWAY.

WE HAVEN'T HEARD FROM THE MAN

HIMSELF DR. BACHMANN SEEN HERE

DANCING WITH HIS WIFE.

WAIT A MINUTE, CAN WE COME BACK

HERE?

THAT IS MICHELE BACHMANN'S

HUSBAND?

[LAUGHTER]

THAT IS -- THAT IS THE GUY

TEACHING PEOPLE NOT TO BE GAY?

SERIOUSLY?

IS HE -- IS THAT THE GUY --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IS HE -- IS HE TEACHING PEOPLE

NOT TO BE GAY OR IS LIKE THE

GREEN MILE GUY AND JUST

ABSORBING IT ALL?

NO, NO, I'M NOT GOING THERE.

DON'T -- DON'T GO THERE, JON.

JUST REPRESS IT.

EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE FEELING A

DEEP DESIRE TO COMICALLY EXPLOIT

THE FACT THAT THIS MAN IS AN

IZOD SHIRT AWAY FROM BEING THE

GAY CHARACTER ON "MODERN

FAMILY."

OF COURSE ONE OF THEM IS JUST A

STRAIGHT MAN PRETENDING TO BE

GAY.

DON'T DO THAT, JON!

JUST BECAUSE DR. BACHMANN'S

THERAPY TO CURE GAYNESS DOES

REAL DAMAGE TO REAL PEOPLE AND

HE IS SEEMINGLY CURING THEM SO

YOU CAN HOARD ALL THE GAYNESS

FOR HIMSELF --

[LAUGHTER]

-- THAT IS NO REASON TO LET YOUR

PRIMAL URGE TO RIDICULE THIS

SEEMING HYPOCRISY OUT.

LIKE A LIGHT SWITCH, TURN IT

OFF!

THE FEELING WILL PASS.

THE FEELING -- ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

EVERYONE LOOKS GAYER WHEN THEY

ARE DANCING ANYWAY.

LET'S JUST HEAR WHAT HE HAS TO

SAY.

>> WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOUR

TEENAGER SAYS SHE'S GAY?

>> THERE'S THAT CURIOSITY BUT

AGAIN WE LIKE -- YOU KNOW, IT IS

AS IF WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND

BARBARIANS NEED TO BE EDUCATED.

THEY NEED BE DISCIPLINED.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]

>> Jon: REALLY?

FIRST OF ALL GAY TEENAGERS ARE

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