American Apparently

  • Aired:  05/05/10
  •  | Views: 113,454

"The American people" is a meaningless phrase that should be struck from public utterance along with, "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee." (8:32)

SGLON WELCOME TO THE "DAILY SHOW." WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW."

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

OUTSTANDING PROGRAM FOR YOU TONIGHT.

"NEWSWEEK" EDITOR JON MEACHAM IS HERE.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU ARE AWARE TODAY-- AND BY THE WAY, REALLY,

WOO?

FOR "NEWSWEEK" EDITOR JON MEACHAM?

ALL RIGHT, TICKETS ARE FREE.

( LAUGHTER ) TODAY, THE "WASHINGTON POST" ANNOUNCED THAT THEY WERE PUTTING

"NEWSWEEK" UP FOR SALE.

AND WE HAVE JON MEACHAM HERE AS A GUEST.

SO HE SHOULD BE IN A GREAT MOOD.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, BIG STORY BREWING IN FLORIDA'S UPCOMING SENATE RACE.

THERE'S BEEN A TOUGH FIGHT FOR THE NOMINATION BETWEEN CHARLIE CRIST AND MARCO RUBIO.

AND IF I MAY SAY SO-- AND I DON'T SAY THIS OFTEN-- THAT IS A HANDSOME PRIMARY.

( LAUGHTER ) ANYONE "MAD MEN'S" JOHN SIMILARITYY AND MARIO LOPEZ.

CRIST DECIDED TO WAUFROM THE REPUBLICAN PRIMARY TO RUN AS AN INDEPENDENT BECAUSE HE CAN NO

LONGER ABIDE-- HIS CONSCIENCE WILL NO LONGER ALLOW HIM TO REPRESENT A REPUBLICAN PARTY

THAT MADE SUCH A SHARP TILT-- OH AND HE WAS GETTING HIS ASS KICKED BY THE OTHER GUY.

DID I MENTION THAT?

AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, DEMOCRATS FOUND THIS VERY MEANINGFUL.

>> THE PALIN, ROMNEY, WHATEVER RIGHT WING, DIDN'T THINK THE

REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM.

WE HAVE A REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR FORCED OUT OF HIS OWN PARTY BECAUSE OF THE FAR RIGHT.

>> Jon: MAN!

EXTREMISTS FORCING A GOOD MAN TO LEAVE THE PARTY HE DEDICATED HIS LIFE TO, JUST SO HE CAN HAVE A

CHANCE TO GET WHAT HE WANTS.

( LAUGHTER ) CAN REMINDS ME OF THE OTHER TIME FOUR YEARS AGO WHEN HOWARD DEAN

WAS SITTING IN THE EXACT SAME POSITION IN THE EXACT SAME ROOM,

NOT READING THE EXACT SAME BOOKS WHEN HE EXPRESSED HIS SUPPORT FOR DEMOCRAT JOE LIEBERMAN, WHO

DID THE EXACT SAME THING CRIST DID.

>> AS THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY THAT YOU REPRESENT BEEN TAKEN OVER BY THE EXTREME?

>> YOU KNOW, I THINK TAFS AN UNFORTUNATE STATEMENT THAT JOE MADE.

THAT'S EXACTLY THE SEAM LINE KEN MEHLMAN AND DICK CHENEY ARE USING.

>> SHOULD HE GET OUT OF THE RACE NOW?

>> I THINK SO.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: IF YOU'RE GOING TO CONTRADICT YOURSELF, AT LEAST HAVE THE COURTESY OF CHANGING

THE BACKDROP.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) WOULD YOU MIND?

YOU KNOW NOOTS A REAL LIBRARY BEHIND HIM.

I IMAGINE THERE'S A ROARING FIRE ON HIS DVD RIGHT THERE.

SOUTH CAROLINA SENATOR JIM DEMINT-- NO RELATIONSHIP TO STRIPER KREM DeMINT HAD A

DIFFERENT TAKE ON WHY CRIST IS NO LONGER A REPUBLICAN.

>> NEIL, THIS IS NOT BECAUSE THE PARTY IS MOVING TO THE RIGHT.

THIS IS BECAUSE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE ASKING TO US STAND UP FOR BASIC CONSTITUTIONAL,

LIMITED GOVERNMENT PRINCIPLES.

>> Jon: CRIST IS GONE BECAUSE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ASKED THE REPUBLICANS TO STAND UP FOR

BASIC CONSTITUTIONAL LIMITED GOVERNMENT PRINCIPLES.

THE REPUBLICANS DIDN'T WANT TO.

( LAUGHTER ) THE REPUBLICANS WOULD LIKE TO RETURN TO IRON-IF I WASED TYRANNY, BUT, THAT IS NOT WHAT

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ASKED THEM TO DO.

THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY WANT.

AND THAT'S NOT ALL THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT.

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT ACCOUNTABILITY IN GOVERNMENT

>> AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR SOLUTIONS.

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT TO SEE ACTION.

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT HEALTH CARE REFORM

>> AMERICAN PEOPLE DESERVE THE RIGHT IT DECIDE WHETHER THEY WANT THEIR CHILDREN TO BE TAUGHT

BY MUTANTS.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT!

IS THERE A MORE MEANINGFUL PHRASE IN TODAY'S POLITICS?

THAN THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT?

AND WHAT'S NICE IS HOW SPECIFIC THE AMERICAN PEOPLE CAN BE.

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT A PUBLIC OPTION.

HEALTH CARE WILL NOT BE A SUCCESS WITHOUT IT.

>> Jon: WE WANT A PUBLIC OPTION!

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT IT.

SIMPLE ENOUGH.

>> A PUBLIC OPTION, WHETHER IT IS A HIDDEN PUBLIC OPTION OR ONE

THAT IS STATED IS NOT WHAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Jon: BUT I THOUGHT THAT WE HAD JUST I-- WE-- YOU KNOW WHAT,

AMERICAN PEOPLE?

MEET ME IN HOWARD DEAN'S LIBRARY.

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AMERICAN PEOPLE.

MAKING US LOOK LIKE ( BLEEP ) WITH THIS HEALTH CARE THING.

LET'S JUST TAKE A STEP BACK, ALL RIGHT, AMERICAN PEOPLE?

WHAT DON'T WE WANT?

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DON'T WANT HIGHER INDIVIDUAL PREMIUM,

HIGHER TAXES, MEDICARE CUTS.

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DON'T WANT GOVERNMENT-RUN INSURANCE.

>> RATIONING HEALTH CARE IS NOT WHAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WANT.

>> Jon: THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, WE DON'T WANT CUTS OR RATIONING TO

PROGRAMS THAT WE LIKE, LIKE MEDICARE.

BUT WE DON'T WANT TAXES RAISED TO PAY FOR PROGRAMS WE LIKE,

LIKE MEDICARE.

( LAUGHTER ) AND WE DEFINITELY DON'T WANT GOVERNMENT-RUN PROGRAMS, LIKE MEDICARE.

( LAUGHTER ) I HAVE A QUESTION-- ARE WE STUPID?

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE AREN'T STUPID.

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE BRIGHT.

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE SO SMART

>> AMERICAN PEOPLE HAVE TREMENDOUS COMMON SENSE.

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE STRONG.

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE GOOD-HEARTED.

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE PRETTY RESILIENT

>> AMERICAN PEOPLE LOVE A FAIR FIGHT.

>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE THE FAIREST PEOPLE ON THIS EARTH.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: CONGRESS, I CAN'T STAY MAD AT YOU!

( LAUGHTER ) THE AMERICAN PEOPLE CAN ( BLEEP ) RAINBOWS.

AMERICAN PEOPLE LOOK FANTASTIC TODAY.

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE CAN HAVE ANY GIRL IN THIS ROOM.

( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE BEST THING ABOUT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE?

>> AMERICAN PEOPLE GET IT

>> AMERICAN PEOPLE GET IT.

>> Jon: WE GET IT!

WE'RE IT-GETERS.

YOU KNOW WHO ELSE GOT IT?

>> THE FOUNDING FATHERS GOT IT.

>> Jon: YES!

OF COURSE THEY DID!

THEY'RE THE ORIGINAL AMERICAN PEOPLE!

( LAUGHTER ) UNLIKE SOME OTHER PEOPLE WE KNOW.

>> CONGRESS JUST DOESN'T GET IT.

>> TOO MANY POLITICIANS DON'T GET IT.

>> SOME REPUBLICANS AND ALL THE DEMOCRATS DON'T GET IT.

>> WASHINGTON STILL DOESN'T GET IT.

>> JOHN McCAIN JUST DOESN'T GET IT.

>> SENATOR OBAMA JUST DOESN'T GET IT.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: OH, MY GOD!

OUR PRESIDENT DOESN'T GET IT.

AND NEITHER DID HIS OPPONENT.

BOTH HAVE, APPARENTLY, HAD THEIR SUBSCRIPTIONS TO "IT" CANCELED.

( LAUGHTER ) AND NONE OF OUR ELECTED REPRESENTATIVES IN WASHINGTON,

DEMOCRATS OR REPUBLICANS, HAVE TAKEN THE GET VOTE TO "IT" LAGOON, EITHER.

( LAUGHTER ) WAIT A MINUTE.

IF THE FOUNDERS GOT IT, AND THEY'RE THE ONES WHO DESIGNED OUR REPRESENTATIVE SYSTEM OF

GOVERNMENT, AND WE, THE AMERICAN PEOPLE-- SO SMART, SO FAIR-- WE GET IT, WE VOTE FOR THESE

REPRESENTATIVES IN THE SYSTEM DESIGNED BY THE FOUNDERS, HOW DO THE REPRESENTATIVES THEN NOT

ALREADY HAVE IT?

( LAUGHTER ) BY THE TRANSITIVE PROPERTIES OF GETITUDE, MUST THEY NOT ALSO BE

IN POSITION OF SAID IT?

I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THE AMERICAN PEOPLE IS A MEANINGLESS PHRASE, CRAVENLY USED AS A KRUJ

TO PROJECT WHATEVER PARTICULAR CONCERNS A PARTICULAR INTEREST GRAUP MAY WANT TO ADVANCE AND AS

SUCH, SHOULD PERHAPS BE STRUCK FROM PUBLIC UTTERANCES, AS WITH THE FOUNDERS INTENDED, OUR

CHILDREN DESERVE, AND NOBODY DOESN'T LIKE SARA LEE?

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) PERHAPS, PERHAPS I FINALLY GET IT.

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