Cock Blockers

  • Aired:  07/30/12
  •  | Views: 126,568

Municipalities try banning Chick-fil-A after CEO Dan Cathy's stated opposition to gay marriage, and Wyatt Cenac and Jessica Williams learn to live their values. (4:58)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: IF YOU EAT AT A CHICK-FIL-A YOU MIGHT HAVE NOTICED A RECENT ADJUSTMENT TO ITS MENU.

>> AT CHICK-FIL-A THE MENU OFFERS UP SANDWICHES,

NUGGETS AND STRIPS BUT TO CRITICS THESE DAYS IT ALSO INCLUDES A SIDE ORDER OF BIGOT REE.

>> Jon: AND A DIPPING SAUCE OF INTOLERANCE A LONG WITH A HATRED FRIBBLE.

>> THE CHAIN HAS BECOME A LIGHTNING ROD FOR CONTROVERSY AFTER ITS PRESIDENT DAN MADE IT CLEAR

HE BELIEVES MARRIAGE SHOULD ONLY BE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN.

>> I THINK WE'RE INVITING GOD'S JUDGEMENT ON OUR NATION WHEN WE SHAKE OUR

FIST AT HIM AND SAY, YOU KNOW, WE KNOW BETTER THAN YOU AS TO WHAT CONSTITUTES A MARRIAGE.

>> Jon: REALLY, THAT INVITES GOD'S-- REALLY?

SO THE COUNTRY HAS MADE IT THROUGH AN INDIAN GENOCIDE,

SLAVERY, SEGREGATION AND NINE POLICE ACADEMY MOVIES,

SOMEHOW ESCAPING GOD'S JUDGEMENTMENT I DON'T THINK LETTING GAYS REGISTER AT

BED, BATH & BEYOND IS GOING TO TIP THE SCALES.

ALL RIGHT SO, CHICK-FIL-A,

C.E.O.s A DOUCHE BAG.

A LOT OF C.E.O.s ARE BUSH BAG.

>> SINCE THEN THE BACKLASH IS FIERCE.

WITH CITIES CON DEMING THE REMARKS AND RETHINKING FUTURE BUSINESS RELATIONSHIPS WITH CHICK-FIL-A.

>> CHICK-FIL-A VALUES ARE NOT CHICAGO VALUES.

>> Jon: WE ARE CHICAGO, A CITY BUILT ON GAMBLING,

CORRUPTION, MURDER AND BALLOT STUFFING.

NOT INTOLERANCE.

BY THE WAY, FOR ALL YOU CITIES OUT THERE WHO BELIEVE YOU CAN PASS A ZONING

ORDINANCE AGAINST HOW MANY O PHOBIC SANDWICHES-- HOMOPHOBIC SANDWICHES.

>> SUPPORTING THE RESTAURANT CHAIN IS FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE RICK SANTORUM AND

FELLOW REPUBLICAN MIKE HUCKABEE WHO IS CALLING FOR A CHICK-FIL-A APPRECIATES DAY NEXT WEEK.

>> Jon: YEAH.

YEAH.

THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

HERE MY REENACTMENT OF MIKE HUCKABEE SUGGESTING TO TO RICK SANTORUM.

HEY, RICK, GETS'S GO AND BUY AS MANY CHICKEN SANDWICHES.

>> TO SUPPORT THEIR STAND ON TRAICIAN DAL MARRIAGE.

>> YEAH.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.

FOR MORE ON WHETHER IT'S A GOOD IDEA FOR MUNICIPALITIES TO ENFORCE POLITICAL VIEWPOINTS ON THE

RESTAURATEURS WE TURN TO WYATT SEN ANG AND JESSICA WILLIAMS.

NICE TO SEE YOU GUYS.

DHOERS PLAUS-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> JESSICA I'M SORRY I SEE YOU ARE EATING A CHICK-FIL-A SANDWICH AT THIS MOMENT T IS

REALLY WEIRD.

>> WHAT, WHY?

>> JON, BEING CONSERVATIVE OR LIBERAL DOESN'T STOP AT THE POLLS.

IT ALSO EXTENDS TO THE COMPANIES SUPPORT.

WHICH IS WHY AS SOMEONE IN FAVOR OF GAY MARRIAGE COY NEVER EAT AT A CHICK-FIL-A.

>> REALLY, BECAUSE TRADITIONAL MARRIAGES PRETTY DELICIOUS.

THEY PUT A-- IN THIS.

>> OH, STOP.

>> WHAT, NO, NO, JON,

CONTROL YOURSELF, YES THAT SANDWICH IS DELICIOUS BUT LIBERALS BUY LIBERAL PRODUCTS.

>> Jon: WHAT, LIKE A VEGAN FAIR TRADE SOY BATH CRYSTAL.

FOR GOD'S SAKES.

>> JOKE ALL YOU WANT BUT EVERYONE KNOWS THE SOY BATH CRYSTAL INDUSTRY IS

BANKROLLS BY THE COKE BROTHERS.

NOW LOOK, I'LL JUST LOOK UP A LIST OF LIBERAL PRODUCTS FOR YOU.

>> IS THAT AN IPHONE.

OH MY GOD I'VE ALWAYS WANTED ONE BUT APPLE SUPPORTS GAY MARRIAGE, SO INSTEAD I GOT

TO USE THIS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

DOLE MAKES GOOD CHRISTIAN CONSERVATIVE PINEAPPLES AND PHONES.

>> Jon: YOU CLEARLY WANT TO EAT THIS CHICK-FIL-A SANDWICH, IT'S DELICIOUS.

>> BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE THEY'RE BAD.

>> Jon: YOU USE AN iPHONE AND YOU KNOW iPHONES AND APPLE THEY HAVE SOME, YOU

KNOW, LET'S CALL THEM LABOR ISSUES.

>> WHAT?

USE SLAVES?

TALK TO ME, DON'T CLAM UP ON ME NOW, WOMAN.

>> Jon: AND CHET CHICK-FIL-A ISN'T ALL PROFIT AND ANTI-GAY MARRIAGE THEY CLOSE

ON SUNDAYS AND PAY FOR THEIR WORKERS TO GO TO COLLEGE.

>> SOCIALISM.

>> Jon: YES.

>> EXCUSE ME WHILE I REDISTRIBUTE THIS SANDWICH.

AETSES NOT COMING UP.

IT'S NOT COMING UP.

>> WAIT.

>> OH, JON, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO LIVE OUR VALUES.

>> Jon: I DON'T KNOW.

WHY DON'T YOU DO SOME KIND OF CARBON OFFSET THINGY THAT WAY YOU STILL GET TO DO

WHATEVER YOU WANT AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT HOW ARE YOU --

>> RIGHT SO, I CAN EAT THIS ANTI-GAY SANDWICH BUT I WILL DO IT WHILE FOLLOWING IT

WITH THIS CHUBBY HUBBY FROM BEN & JERRY'S.

>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT.

>> YEAH, THAT'S HOW DO YOU IT.

>> AND YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GOING TO BUY THIS iPHONE AND DOWNLOAD ONLY TED NUDGE ENT SONGS.

>> Jon: GREAT.

AND FOR ME I'LL KEEP DRIVING MY DIESEL CAR WHILE RUNNING MY WHITE SLAVERY SWEATSHOPS.

>> SOUNDS GOOD.

>> Jon: THANKS, GUYS, WYATT AND JESSICA WILLIAMS,

EVERYBODY.

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