Matthew Perry

  • Aired:  02/02/11
  •  | Views: 68,771

Matthew Perry follows up his story about masturbating into some money with a favor to ask Jon. (5:56)

>> MY GUEST TONIGHT FROM THE HIT

SHOW "MR. SUNSHINE."

>> I CAN'T PRETEND TO LISTEN TO

YOUR PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW.

WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT ME.

>> WHAT'S WRONG?

>> I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG.

SOMETHING'S HAPPENING TO ME.

ROMAN IS VERY SAD ABOUT HIS

MOTHER AND THAT MAKES ME SAD.

CRYSTAL IS VERY, VERY UPSET

ABOUT A LITTLE BLUE PERSON.

THAT MAKES ME UPSET.

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO

ME?

>> YOU'RE BECOMING AN ACTUAL

HUMAN BEING.

>> WELL, I DON'T LIKE IT.

>> Jon: PLEASE WELCOME BACK

TO THE SHOW, MATTHEW PERRY!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

WHAT'S UP?

>> HOW YOU DOING, MAN?

>> Jon: NICE TO SEE YOU.

>> GOOD TO SEE YOU.

>> Jon: YOU EXECUTIVE

PRODUCE, YOU CREATED, YOU

STARRED IN, YOU WROTE THE SHOW.

YOU BRED THE SUPPORTING CAST.

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU HAVEN'T

DONE ON THE SHOW?

THIS IS YOUR BABY.

>> THE THING THAT'S EASIEST IS

THAT THE SHOW IS THAT ACTUAL

LENGTH OF THE CLIP DISPL REALLY?

>> YES, SO IT'S MUCH EASIER TO

DO.

>> Jon: 20-25 SECONDS.

>> 25 SECONDSES, AND I HOPE YOU

LIKE IT

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Jon: "MR. SUNSHINE--"

>> MR. SUNSHINE --

>> FROM THE CLIP DOESN'T SEEM TO

REALLY BE LIKE THAT.

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S

DISINGENUOUS LABELING BUT--

>> I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD GET

IT BECAUSE YOU DON'T THINK YOU

NECESSARILY GET IRONY.

>> Jon: I'M SORRY?

ARE YOU-- HOW DID YOU-- IS THIS

YOU?

IS THIS SOMEBODY YOU KNOW?

IS THIS-- TALK TO ME.

GIVE ME THE CHARACTER.

>> THE CHARACTER'S SORT OF A SOB

SOB-CYSTIC, SELF-CENTERED

PERSON.

WHAT?

>> Jon: NOTHING!

I'M JUST CURIOUS ABOUT THE

CREATIVE PROCESS.

>> SO I DID, I GUESS, THE MOST

SELF-SERVING THING A MAN CAN

DO-- I CREATED A TELEVISION SHOW

FOR MYSELF

( LAUGHTER )

BUT ONE OF THE FUNNY-- ONE OF

THE FUN THINGS ABOUT IT IS YOU

GET TO COME UP WITH ALL THE

DIFFERENT CHARACTERES.

I DIDN'T REALLY DO IT ALONE.

THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE

WORKING ON THE SHOW.

SO ONE OF THE CHARACTERS, THIS

ACTOR NAMED JAMES LEJURE PLAYS

THIS GUY WHO IS IMPOSSIBLY

HAPPY.

HE PLAYS A GUY WHO IS

UNFLAPPABLY HAPPY AND THAT'S

BASED ON MY BEST FRIEND IN THE

WORLD, THIS GUY NAMED MARK

HOLDER WHO JUST LOVES BEING MARK

HOLDER AND HE'S JUST THE THE

HAPPIEST GUY IN THE WORLD TO THE

POINT IT'S REALLY AFFECTED OUR

FRIENDSHIP BECAUSE I'M NOT

EXACTLY THAT WAY.

AND I'LL SAY, LIKE, "HOW ARE

YOU?"

AND HE'LL GO, "OH, MAN, I CAN'T

BELIEVE HOW GREAT I AM.

IF I WAS ANY BETTER, I'D BE TWO

PEOPLE."

AND HIS FACEBOOK STATUS REPORTS

SAY THINGS, YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE,

"WHAT A BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL

DAY."

I ACTUALLY STOPPED ASKING HIM

"HOW ARE YOU?"

BECAUSE IT ANNOYED ME SO MUCH

WHAT HIS ANSWER WAS GOING TO BE.

ONE DAY I FORGOT THIS RULE AND I

SAID, "HOW ARE YOU?"

AND HE SAID, "I JUST DROPPED MY

KIDS OFF AT SCHOOL.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SUNNY DAY."

I SAID, "TERRIFIC, I'M GOING TO

GO MASTURBATE INTO SOME MONEY."

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: LET MY SAY THIS.

>> SURE.

>> Jon: DOESD NOT SEE THAT

LAST LINE COME.

THAT IS THE MARK OF A FINE

STORY.

>> THANK YOU.

I HAVE A FAVOR TO ASK OF YOU.

>> Jon: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO

FOLLOW UP MASTURBATING INTO

MONEY WITH I HAVE A FAVOR.

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: IS IT CAN I HAVE A

20?

WHAT-- WHAT DO YOU WANT?

>> I WAS HOPING WE COULD JUST

GENTLY KISS

( LAUGHTER )

NO, BUT YOU KNOW HOW SOMETIMES

ON THE SHOW YOU HAVE VERY

IMPORTANT PEOPLE AND THEN YOU

SAY, HEY, CAN YOU STICK AROUND?

>> Jon: AND THROW IT UP ON

THE WEB.

>> AND THROW THE REST OF IT UP

ON THE WEB.

>> Jon: SURE, SURE, SURE,

SURE.

>> IT MAKES THEMSELVES SEEM

REALLY IMPORTANT.

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD DO

THAT WITH ME JUST A LITTLE BIT

LATER.

>> Jon: NO, I THINK WE'RE

GOOD.

I THINK WE'RE GOOD.

IT'S HOWEVER-- WE'LL DO THAT.

>> NO, NO, NO --

>> WE'LL THROW IT UP ON THE WEB.

ESSENTIALLY, THE PART OF YOU

THAT... MASTURBATING INTO MONEY.

DOES THAT WORK WITH CHANGE, BY

THE WAY?

OR DOES IT HAVE TO BE PAPER

MONEY?

>> I ACTUALLY HAVE A CHARCOAL

SKETCH OF IT THAT I WILL SHOW

YOU AFTER THE SHOW.

>> Jon, YOU KNOW, WHAT?

WE ALL KNOW THE MARK HOLDER-TYPE

CHARACTER AND IT IS.

YOU DO SOMETIMES THINK THEY'RE

BEING SO FRIENDLY, THEY'RE BEING

SARCASK LIKE YOU'RE NOT QUITE

SURE SOMETIMES WHERE THE LINE

IS.

>> HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.

I LOVE THE GUY.

HE'S I'M THE GODFATHER TO HIS

KIDS BUT STOP SAYING HOW HAPPY

YOU ARE ALL THE TIME.

IT'S DRIVING US NUTS.

>> Jon: WERE YOU ON THE

SHOW I DID AT PARAMOUNT ABOUT 15

YEARS AGO.

>> YEAH, AND I DON'T WANT TO

EXWARPS YOU, BUT WHEN WE FIRST

MET, I WAS ON YOUR ORIGINAL

SHOW.

>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT.

>> AND YOU WERE A GUY WHO-- YOU

WERE JUST STARTING OUT, YOUR

SHOW DIDN'T HAVE --

>> IT WASN'T GOOD.

>> NO, IT WAS A GREAT SHOW BUT

IT WAS LIKE, "REALLY, I GOTTA GO

DO THAT?

>> Jon: I KNOW.

WE WERE THE CABOOSE.

>> THAT'S EXACTLY HOW YOU

REFERRED TO YOURSELF AND NOW

YOU'RE THE PREEMINENT SOURCE OF

NEWS IN THIS COUNTRY.

>> Jon: WE'RE PREEMINENT.

WE'VE BEEN YEARS-- I WANT TO

THANK YOU FOR STICKING BY FOR

ALL THAT TIME.

IT WAS VERY NICE.

>> I'M A HUGE FAN OF THE SHOW

AND I REMEMBER IT WAY BACK WHEN

YOU ASKED ME IF I COULD

POTENTIALLY SET YOU UP WITH

JENNIFER ANISTON, WHICH I

THOUGHT WAS FUNNY BECAUSE I

COULDN'T EVEN GET A DATE WITH

JENNIFER ANISTON.

>> Jon: HERE'S THE SAD

THING-- EVERY GUEST WE HAD ON I

ASKED THAT QUESTION.

WE HAD A GUY WHO HAD CONDORS AND

I SAID, "DO YOU KNOW JENNIFER

ANISTON?"

>> I WOULD SAY MEKNOCKIM.

Loading...