The Life of Kristen

  • Aired:  05/09/12
  •  | Views: 49,822

Kristen Schaal explores what it says about a president's policies when he uses a cartoon character, rather than real people, to justify his record. (6:44)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

SO WE TALKED ABOUT THE PRESIDENT EARLIER.

AND ALONG WITH THE SAME-SEX MARRIAGE ANNOUNCEMENT YOU MAY HAVE HEARD PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS A

NEW LADY IN HIS LIFE AND SHE...

I SHOULD EXPLAIN.

IT'S CALL "THE LIFE OF JULIA" AND IT'S A NEW WEB AD EXPLAINING

HOW THE AVERAGE AMERICAN WOMAN MIGHT BENEFIT FROM OBAMA'S POLICIES.

FROM SOME AFFORDABLE STUDENT LOANS TO GOVERNMENT HEALTH INSURANCE TO OTHER... OH, MY GOD!

LOOK OUT FOR THE BUS!

OH!

OH!

(LAUGHTER) IT'S JUST ALL SO REALISTIC.

(LAUGHTER) THE WHOLE SOMETHING A LITTLE SIMPLISTIC BUT NOTHING WORTH GETTING TOO WORKED UP OVER.

AND WATCH EVERYBODY GET REAL WORKED UP.

>> IT'S SEXIST TO ASSUME WOMEN CANNOT MAKE IT ON THEIR OWN.

>> WHEN WE SAY KRAEUD TOLL GRAVE GOVERNMENT NANNY STATE THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT WE MEAN.

>> WHAT DOES IT SAY ABOUT A PRESIDENT'S POLICIES WHEN HE HAS TO USE A CARTOON CHARACTER

RATHER THAN REAL PEOPLE TO JUSTIFY HIS RECORDS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: THAT STRATEGY ALMOST WORKED FOR JOHN McCAIN.

(AUDIENCE REACTS) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) DID YOU IRON THAT FLAG BEHIND

YOU, BECAUSE IT'S WRINKLE-FREE.

TO HELP US UNDERSTAND THIS CARTOON KERFUFFLE, WE TURN TO

"THE DAILY SHOW" SENIOR WOMEN'S CORRESPONDENT KRISTEN SCHAAL.

KRISTEN, THANK YOU FOR COMING.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) SO WE'VE HEARD ABOUT "THE LIFE OF JULIA" DEPICTING THE JOURNEY

OF THE AVERAGE WOMAN.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

>> WELL, I LOVE IT.

POLITICIANS ARE FINALLY PANDERING TO ME IN A WAY I CAN RELATE TO.

>> WELL, NO POLITICIANS HAVE PANDERED TO WOMEN PREVIOUSLY.

IT'S NOT...

>> NOT WOMEN LIKE ME.

HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU.

>> Jon: NO!

NO!

I'LL JUST... WHAT ARE YOU...

>> RELAX, JON, RELAX.

IF I WAS SEDUCING YOU, YOU WOULD KNOW.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I JUST WANT TO TAKE YOU THROUGH "THE LIFE OF KRISTEN."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) IT WAS 1996 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION AND THE COVETED FEMALE

VOTER WAS THE SOCCER MOM.

F!RE ARE YOU GOING TO LET THEM TAKE THE BALL THE WHOLE TIME?

>> Jon: CLEARLY NOT A SOCCER MOM.

IT'S FINE.

>> I WAS 18 JUST OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL HANGING AROUND IN MY

BOYFRIEND'S PARENT'S GARAGE.

I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT SOCCER OR MINIVANS.

I WAS IN LOVE.

JON, COULD YOU PLAY MY BOYFRIEND?

>> Jon: I DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE...

>> WAR ON WOMEN!

YOU GUYS SAW IT ON "THE DAILY SHOW"!

IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT HERE.

>> Jon: OKAY, EVERYTHING'S GOOD.

EVERYTHING'S GOOD.

>> HIS NAME IS KYLE AND HE WAS A BAD BOY.

HE COULDN'T BE TAMED WITH HIS BELONG BLOND HAIR AND TRIBAL NECK TATTOO.

PLAY THE DRUMS FOR ME, KYLE.

PLAY THE DRUMS LIKE YOU USED TO.

>> Jon: WHAT ARE THESE BEAKERS AND TUBES AND...

>> OH, THAT'S KYLE'S, UM,

CHEMISTRY SET?

>> Jon: AND THE BOX LABELED "METH"?

>> THAT'S A TYPO.

THAT'S WHERE WE KEPT OUR MATH.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: HOW COULD CANDIDATES HAVE CONNECTED WITH THE 18-YEAR-OLD KRISTEN?

>> I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE IF THEY LEGALIZED MATH.

(LAUGHTER) THAT CERTAINLY WOULD HAVE PUT BOB DOLE ON MY RADAR.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, WELL WHY DON'T YOU TAKE US TO AN ELECTION WHERE YOU DID VOTE.

>> THAT WOULD BE THE 2004 ELECTION.

SOCCER MOMS WERE OUT AND TERROR MOMS WERE IN.

-THE-THOUGHT AL QAEDA WAS OUT TO POISON HER KIDS YOGURT SO SHE PUT A PANIC ROOM IN HER MINIVAN.

>> Jon: YOU WEREN'T A TERROR MOM.

>> I WAS A WAIT TRES.

WAITING TABLES AT PLANET HOLLYWOOD.

THE ONLY THING MORE DEPRESSING THAN SERVING KINDERGARTEN COP POPPERS TO TOURISTS WHO DIDN'T

TRIP WAS DOING IT NEXT TO BRUCE WILLIS' TANK TOP FROM "THE 5th ELEMENT."

AND I HAD THE WORSE BOSS!

JON, WOULD YOU MIND.

>> Jon: NO...

>> WAR ON WOMEN AGAIN!

>> Jon: OKAY, I'M COMING OKAY.

I'M YOUR BOSS.

YOU.

GONNA NEED YOU TO WORK THANKSGIVING, CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR'S EVE.

>> CAN I AT LEAST GET MY BIRTHDAY OFF?

>> SURE.

>> Jon: NO, STAY IN CHARACTER.

>> Jon: NO.

>> YOU'RE SUCH A DICK!

SEE, I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT TERRORISTS I'M JUST TRYING TO PAY MY RENT ON MINIMUM WAGE AND

NOT GET CAUGHT STEALING DEMI MOORE'S SECRET CRUNCHY CHICKEN RECIPE.

"IT'S COVERED IN CAP'N CRUNCH.

SHH." SO THAT BRINGS US TO 2008.

(ROARING) I'M A GRIZZLY MOM!

DRILL, BABY, DRILL!

I'M GOING TO DECIDE THIS ELECTION EVEN IF I DON'T ACTUALLY EXIST!

ROAR!

>> Jon: I'M ASSUMING YOU AREN'T A BEAR SO THAT DIDN'T...

>> RIGHT AGAIN, JON.

I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.

WHOA!

NO!

WHERE'S MY HAT?

(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL GIVING BIRTH.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: I DIDN'T... I DO NOT REALIZE YOU WERE A MOM.

>> I'M NOT.

I WAS GIVING BIRTH TO A TWO-POUND FIBROID.

IT'S A A TUMOR THAT GROWS IN YOUR UTERUS, JON, AND THEY'RE DISGUSTING.

>> Jon: OKAY.

>> YEAH.

MINE WAS ENORMOUS BECAUSE IT WENT UNDETECTED BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE AND

WOMEN'S HEALTH CARE ALWAYS TAKES A BACKSEAT TO BONER PILLS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: THAT IS TRUE.

WELL THE JULIA CHARACTER ADDRESSES WOMEN'S HEALTH CARE.

>> THAT'S WHAT MAKES HER SO EXCITING!

I'M JULIA!

OR MORE SPECIFICALLY THE COVETED FEMALE VOTER THAT IS THE NON-MOM MOM.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: SO THE NEW VOTING THE.

>> WHOA!

JON!

JON!

NO!

EVERYTHING'S WRONG!

>> Jon: WAIT, HOLD ON.

>> OH, THERE I AM.

(LAUGHTER) I GOT LOST IN YOUR EYES AND I FORGOT.

(APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: I'M SORRY.

I GOT LOST IN THE CUES.

SO NONMOM MOM.

THE NEW VOTING DEMOGRAPHIC IS NON-MOM MOMS?

>> ISN'T IT GREAT?

FOR THE FIRST TIME I'M BEING PANDERED TO BY THE TWO MALE CANDIDATES I GET TO CHOOSE BETWEEN.

PLEASE RUN FOR OFFICE, HILLARY CLINTON.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: KRISTEN SCHAAL,

EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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