Kabulvision - A New Lowe

  • Aired:  12/13/11
  •  | Views: 165,743

Aasif Mandvi explains why, without Lowe's, the jihadist goal is unachievable. (4:26)

FFAFFA.

(LAUGHTER)

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

ANY IDIOT CAN WRITE A LETTER.

SOME FRINGE GROUP.

WHO CARES?

>> HOME IMPROVEMENT CHAIN LOWE'S

IS FACING A BACKLASH AFTER

PULLING ADS FROM A REALITY

TELEVISION SHOW ABOUT AMERICAN

MUSLIMS.

>> LOWE'S PULLED A AD AFTER THE

FLORIDA FAMILY ASSOCIATION

COMPLAINED.

>> Jon: BUT HAVE YOU HEARD THE

COMPLAINT?

IT'S RIDICULOUS!

THE COMPLAINT IS THE MUSLIMS

AREN'T TERRORISTS AND ALL

MUSLIMS ARE TERRORISTS SO I

CAN'T BELIEVE I...

>> OUR DECISION WAS NOT

POLITICAL, IT WAS NOT SOCIAL IN

MY WAY.

WE JUST KNEW THAT IT WAS A

CONTROVERSIAL PROGRAM AND WE

WANTED TO REACH CONSUMERS AND A

CONTROVERSIAL PROGRAM IS NOT A

GREAT PLACE TO DO THAT.

>> Jon: YOU STILL ADVERTISE ON

THE LEARNING CHANNEL!

THE NETWORK WITH THE SHOW THAT

AIR BRUSHES FOUR-YEAR-OLD GIRLS

LIKE THE SIDE OF A VAN IN JERSEY

AND SENDS THEM TO SASHAY OUT ON

THE STAGE LIKE THEY'RE IN A

VIDEO.

WHAT DO YOU... OH, FOR GOD'S...

FOR MORE, WE'RE JOINED BY SENIOR

MUSLIM CORRESPONDENT AASIF

MANDVI.

AASIF?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AASIF, THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

AASIF, SOME GROUP IN FLORIDA

COMPLAINS THAT THE MUSLIMS ON

"ALL AMERICAN MUSLIMS" ARE TOO

NORMAL AND LOWE'S, THE HOME

IMPROVEMENT HARDWARE MEGASTORE

PULLS THE HARDWARE FROM THE

SHOW.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS?

>> I'M DISAPPOINTED, JON.

I ACTUALLY THINK LOWE'S SHOULD

BE SHUT DOWN ENTIRELY.

>> Jon: BUT YOU KNOW, AASIF,

CALLING FOR A BOYCOTT BECAUSE

THEY PULLED THEIR ADVERTISING...

>> WHAT?

NO, I'M SAYING IF WE'RE SERIOUS

ABOUT FIGHTING TERROR WE HAVE TO

SHUT DOWN THEIR SUPPLY CHAIN,

I.E., LOWE'S...

(LAUGHTER).

A.K.A. THE ONE STOP JIHADI

SUPERSTORE.

(LAUGHTER)

LOOK, JON, LET'S JUST CUT

THROUGH THE BULL (BLEEP) AND

AGREE THAT ALL MUSLIMS ARE

TERRORISTS.

EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM.

BENT ON WORLD DOMINATION BY

VIOLENT MEANS, RIGHT?

>> Jon: NO!

I'M NOT GOING TO... NO, I'M NOT

GOING TO AGREE WITH THAT.

THAT'S NOT...

>> THANK YOU.

AND WITHOUT THE STORE...

(LAUGHTER).

WITHOUT THE STORE LOWE'S, THE

JIHADISTS' GOAL IS UNACHIEVABLE,

JON.

IF YOU WERE A MUSLIM WHO WANTS

TO BUILD A BOMB... SORRY, I'M

OBVIOUSLY BEING REDUNDANT.

(LAUGHTER)

WHAT WOULD YOU BUILD IT OUT OF?

>> Jon: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO

BUILD BOMBS.

WIRING.

UM... P.V.C. PIPE, FERTILIZER.

>> YUP, OR AS THEY CALL IT HERE

AISLE 5.

(LAUGHTER)

JON, LOWE'S IS TO MUSLIM WHAT IS

F.A.O. SCHWARZ IS TO

NINE-YEAR-OLDS.

>> Jon: AASIF, ANY HARDWARE

STORE CARRIES FERTILIZER AND

LUMBER.

>> RIGHT!

BUT IT'S THE DEALS THEY OFFER!

BELIEVE ME!

WE ARE BUILDING A LOT FEWER

VICTORY MOSQUES BECAUSE WE CAN'T

GET LUMBER AT A DOLLAR A FOOT.

CHECK THIS OUT, LEISURE TIME

MONKEY BARS FOR $120?

AT THAT PRICE I'M TRAINING THE

WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I MEAN, COME ON!

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, I GET IT.

I GET IT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

TWO FOR ONE DEALS, 100-POUND

PROPANE CYLINDERS?

I MEAN, COME ON, YOU CAN'T

AFFORD NOT TO BLOW SOMETHING UP.

THEIR HELPFUL STAFF WILL EVEN

LOAD THE TANKS RIGHT INTO YOUR

CAR BOMB.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: YOU MEAN CAR.

THEY'LL LOAD THEM INTO YOUR CAR.

>> OH, YEAH, RIGHT.

CAR.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: BUT LOWE'S IS

PATRIOTIC.

VERY PATRIOTIC STORE.

THEY SELL AMERICAN FLAGS.

>> YEAH, SURE, TWO AISLES DOWN

FROM THE KEROSENE AND GRILL

LIGHTERS.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: YEAH, BUT AASIF I'M IN

THE MIDDLE OF REFRESHING MY

KITCHEN'S LOOK WITH A BACK

SPLASH.

IF LOWE'S SHUTS DOWN WHERE WILL

I GET CAULK?

>> WELL, WE ALL KNOW HOW MUCH

YOU LOVE CAULK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: THANK YOU, I DO.

I DO LOVE CAULK.

I MEAN, IT'S.

..

>> BUT, YOU KNOW, JON, I HOPE

YOU LOVE FREEDOM MORE.

>> Jon: MORE THAN CAULK?

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE.

OF COURSE I LOVE FREEDOM MORE!

>> Jon: .

>> THEN YOU MUST ADMIT THE

LOWE'S HOME IMPROVEMENT STORES

ARE DIRECTLY SUPPLYING AMERICA'S

ENEMIES WITH THE MEANS THEY NEED

TO BRING DOWN OUR COUNTRY FROM

WITHIN!

AT UNBELIEVABLY LOW PRICES!

(LAUGHTER)

AND IF THERE IS ONE THING

MUSLIMS LOVE MORE THAN TERROR

IT'S A BARGAIN.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M KIDDING.

THERE IS NOTHING MUSLIMS LOVE

MORE THAN TERROR.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: THANK YOU AASIF.

AASIF MANDVI, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT

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