Mother F#@kers - Stork Bucks

  • Aired:  02/22/11
  •  | Views: 164,899

Kristen Schaal wants to cut funding for any organization that has anything to do with abortions, including firefighters, the FAA and NASA. (4:50)

(LAUGHTER)

FOR MORE ON THE HOUSE'S

DEFUNDING EFFORTS WE'RE JOINED

BY SENIOR WOMEN'S CORRESPONDENT

CHRIS TAN.

THANK YOU KRISTEN.

LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, KRISTEN

WE DISCUSSED THE HOUSE

CONSERVATIVES MOVE TO REDUCE

FEDERALLY FUNDED ABORTIONS FOR

RAPE VICTIMS BY REDEFINING THE

TERM RAPE.

>> UH-HUH.

WHICH WOULD HAVE TOTALLY WORKED

IF THE REPUBLICANS HADN'T BACKED

DOWN AT THE LAST MINUTE.

THE PUSSIES.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: THAT MAY BE THE MOST

CHILLING WAY I'VE EVER HEARD

THAT PHRASE.

LIKE FROM "SAW 3" OR SOMETHING.

KRISTEN, ARE WE SEEING ARE WE

SEEING BILLS THAT RESTRICT FUNDS

FOR A BROADER SFLANG

>> IT WOULD DENY MILLIONS OF

WOMEN ROUTINE CHECKUPS AND

EXAMINATION, DEFUND

GYNECOLOGICAL EXAMS, U.T.I.

TREATMENTS AND THE FULL PANOPLY

OF WOMEN'S HEALTH SERVICES THAT

PLANNED PARENTHOOD PROVIDES.

>> PLANNED PARENTHOOD IS RUNNING

QUITE AN ELABORATE FRONT FOR ITS

ABORTION STORES BUT THE FACTS

ARE WHAT MIKE PENCE SAID, IF AN

ORGANIZATION HAS ANYTHING TO DO

WITH ABORTION THEN EVERYTHING

THAT ORGANIZATION DOES IS

TAINTED AS SHOULDN'T GET

GOVERNMENT MONEY.

>> Jon: SO YOU ARE COMING OUT IN

SUPPORT OF THIS NEW HOUSE BILL?

>> YES.

IF ANYTHING THEY DON'T GO FAR

ENOUGH.

OUR TAXES ARE GOING TO ABORTIONS

IN WAYS NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT.

>> Jon: LET'S TALK ABOUT IT NOW.

HOW?

>> WELL, FOR STARTERS WE HAVE TO

CUT FUNDING FOR FIRE

DEPARTMENTS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WHY THAT WOULD BE?

>> HELLO!

WHAT IS AN ABORTION... WHAT IF

AN ABORTION CLINIC CATCHES FIRE

AND FIREFIGHTERS PUT IT OUT

PAVING THE WAY FOR MORE

ABORTIONS!

ABORTIONIST FIREFIGHTERS PAID

FOR WITH OUR TAXPAYER DOLLARS.

>> Jon: IN THAT CASE WE'D HAVE

TO DEFUND THE COAST GUARD

BECAUSE ABORTION PROVIDERS GO TO

THE BEACH.

(LAUGHTER)

>> I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT OF

THAT.

BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.

NO MORE COAST GUARD.

GIVE ME ANOTHER, THIS IS FUN.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: F.A.A..

>> MILE-HIGH CLUB.

NUMBER-ONE CAUSE OF UNWANTED

PREGNANCIES BETWEEN NEWARK AND

L.A.X.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: MINING SAFETY

COMMISSION.

>> MILE BELOW CLUB.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: LIBRARY OF CONGRESS.

>> SEXY LIBRARIANS.

>> Jon: NASA.

>> SPACE ABORTIONS!

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: BUREAU OF ALCOHOL,

TOBACCO, FIREARMS AND

EXPLOSIVES.

>> JOHN, PLEASE, I AM GETTING

PREGNANT JUST LISTENING TO YOU.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: KRISTEN, IF YOU TRY HARD

ENOUGH... THAT'S THE BOUBONS

TALKING.

YOU COULD LINK ABORTION TO ANY

PIECE OF SPENDING.

>> EXACTLY.

IT'S DISGUSTING.

HOW CAN MIKE PENCE BE SURE WHEN

HE PAYS MONEY FOR SOMETHING IT

WON'T ULTIMATELY GO TO PAY FOR

AN ABORTION.

>> Jon: THERE'S NO WAY TO

GUARANTEE.

>> THERE IS NOW.

PRESENTING DORK BOX.

A PRO LIVE CURRENCY THAT CAN'T

BE SPENT ON ANYTHING HAVINGING

TO DO WITH ABORTIONS.

HERE, TRY TO BUY SOMETHING FROM

ME.

OR FOR ME IF YOU WANT TO YOU CAN

DO THAT.

>> Jon: HELLO.

>> HELLO.

>> Jon: I'D LIKE TO BUY A CUP OF

COFFEE WITH MY STORK BUCKS.

>> OH, WOULD YOU?

>> Jon: YES.

(LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: WHAT'S WRONG WITH

COFFEE?

>> IT HAS CAFFEINE THE DRUG THAT

KEEPS ABORTION DOCTORS AWAKE SO

THEY CAN PERFORM ABORTIONS ALL

NIGHT LONG.

I DON'T THINK SO.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, PEOPLE DO

NOT... LISTEN, IT'S A DELICATE

ISSUE.

PEOPLE ARE NOT GLEEFUL ABOUT

PERFORMING ABORTIONS.

THEY'RE NOT GLEEFUL ABOUT THE...

OH, GOD, WHAT ARE THESE MADE OF

BY THE WAY, THEY SEEM VERY

FLAMMABLE.

>> JUST TREE PULP, GUN POWDER

AND STORK MEAT.

AFTER THE WHOLE B.P. THING, THE

STORK MEAT JUST REALLY LIGHTS

UP.

STORK COVERED IN OIL.

>> Jon: KRISTEN, EVERYONE

OBJECTS TO SOMETHING THE

GOVERNMENT SPENDS MONEY ON.

I MAY NOT WANT MY TAXES PAYING

FOR WATERBOARDING OR SUBSIDIES

OR MIKE PENCE'S PROSTATE EXAMS

BUT THERE GOES MY MONEY.

>> STRAIGHT UP MIKE PENCE'S ASS,

I KNOW.

(LAUGHTER)

UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU'RE

SPENDING MY NEW CURRENCY

SUNSHINE BUCKS!

THEY DON'T GO WHERE THE SUN

DON'T SHINE.

230 HAS MIKE PENCE'S PROSTATE ON

IT.

DO WE H

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