Endless Suffrage 2012 - States' Rights Edition

  • Aired:  05/09/12
  •  | Views: 161,315

North Carolina takes a step towards equality, granting opposite-sex couples the same lack of rights same-sex couples have always never had. (4:52)

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COMEDY CENTRAL

( THEME SONG PLAYING )

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW"!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

GOT A GOOD ONE TONIGHT.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A VISIT.

OUR GUEST IS JOHN HALL.

HE IS THE DEAN OF WESTMINSTER ABBEY AND I CANNOT WAIT TO FIND OUT WHETHER HE IS A HUFFLEPUFF

OR GRIFFIN DORR.

(LAUGHTER) YESTERDAY ON THIS PROGRAM... FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WATCHED, I

DON'T WATCH THIS PROGRAM,

REASONABLE PEOPLE CAN DISAGREE.

WE E MAY HAVE INSINUATED PRESIDENT OBAMA WAS SOMEHOW BEING DISINGENUOUS IN GIVING IN

TO HIS MOST BASE POLITICAL CALCULATIONS BY NOT JUST SAYING HE FAVORS SAME-SEX MARRIAGE AND

EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL AMERICANS.

THAT HIS POSITION IS EVOLVING IS WEAK TEA WHAT WE DIDN'T KNOW AT

THE TIME IS THAT HE HAD PLANNED THIS: .

>> IT'S IMPORTANT FOR ME TO GO AHEAD AND AFFIRM THAT I THINK

SAME-SEX COUPLES SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET MARRIED.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: THERE YOU HAVE IT.

THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS GAY.

(LAUGHTER) FRIENDLY.

GAY FRIENDLY.

(LAUGHTER) DAMN YOU, ELLIPSIS.

(LAUGHTER) AND I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHO DESERVES THE CREDIT FOR THIS.

>> I'LL TAKE A LOT OF CREDIT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: SO EXCITING POSITIVE NEWS FOR EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL CITIZENS, A SYMBOLIC VICTORY

THAT CAN IN NO WAY BE DAMPENED BY THE CODIFYING OF BIGOTRY IN-- LET'S SAY THE STATE WHERE THE

DEMOCRATS ARE GOING TO BE HOLDING THEIR CONVENTION.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> NORTH CAROLINA VOTERS PASSED A STRICT AMENDMENT TO THEIR CONSTITUTION THAT BANS SAME-SEX MARRIAGES.

>> Jon: CONGRATULATIONS, NORTH CAROLINA, FOR A MOMENT I WAS FEELING A BRIEF GLIMPSE OF WHAT

I GUESS DOCTORS WOULD CALL HAPPINESS AND A FULL HEART AND I APPRECIATE YOU ENDING THAT.

BY THE WAY, IN YOUR ZEAL TO PROTECT YOURSELVES FROM THE GAY MENACE THERE ISN'T ANY CHANCE

YOU MAY HAVE, I DON'T KNOW,

CREATED SOME COLLATERAL DAMAGE PHO *PBS THE HETEROS.

>> IT ALSO BANS CIVIL UNIONS AND DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIPS-- AND GET

THIS, NOT JUST FOR GAY COUPLES BUT STRAIGHT COUPLES IN THE STATE, TOO.

>> OOPS!

(LAUGHTER) WE (BLEEP)ED UP!

YOU KNOW WHAT THOUGH, ACTUALLY.

THAT'S A STEP TOWARDS EQUALITY SINCE MANY OPPOSITE-SEX COUPLES WILL NOW ENJOY THE SAME LACK OF

RIGHTS SAME-SEX COUPLES HAVE ALWAYS NEVER HAD.

(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ONE OF THE MEASURES CHIEF BACKERS WAS NORTH CAROLINA "VOTE

FOR MARRIAGE" WHICH ARGUED "WHEN MARRIAGE CEASES TO HAVE ITS HISTORIC MEANING AND

UNDERSTANDING OVER TIME FEWER AND FEWER PEOPLE WILL MARRY." YES, OF COURSE, IT WILL BE TOO

GAY NOW.

(LAUGHTER) LIKE ROLLERBLADING.

(LAUGHTER) BUT, YES, LET'S EXAMINE MARRIAGE'S HISTORIC MEANING.

IT IS IMPORTANT TO MAINTAIN MARRIAGE'S HISTORIC MEANING.

WHAT IS MARRIAGE'S HISTORIC MEANING, BY THE WAY?

LET ME SEE IF I CAN LOOK THAT UP HERE.

(LAUGHTER) OKAY.

LET ME SEE.

MARRIAGE ORIGINATED AS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT THAT ALLOWED FAMILY PATRIARCHS TO FACILITATE THE

TRANSFER OF CHATTEL PROPERTY SUCH AS LIVESTOCK OR DAUGHTERS.

(LAUGHTER) THROUGH LAWFUL CONTRACTS AND THEN AFTERWARDS HAVING A PARTY.

OKAY.

COULD ANYONE FIGHTING FOR THIS MARRIAGE BAN FOR SAME-SEX COUPLES DEFINE IN THE THE MOST

IGNORANT WAY POSSIBLE?

>> IF MARRIAGE IS RADICALLY REDEFINED AS BEING JUST A WAY OF AFFIRMING PRIVATE FEELINGS OF

LOVING ATTRACTION THEN EQUALITY WILL REQUIRE ALLOWING PEOPLE WHO LOVE DOGS TO MARRY DOGS AND

PEOPLE WHO LOVE ICE CREAM TO MARRY ICE CREAM.

>> Jon: YES, THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I REALIZE NOW THAT'S NOT A BALD HEAD, THAT'S A SOLAR

PANEL FOR A DUMB ASS MACHINE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) BY THE WAY, I JUST WANT TO ADD VERY QUICKLY... (BARKING)

DOES YOUR WIFE KNOW THAT YOU CAN'T SEE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE CONSENSUAL LOVE THAT LEADS

TO MATRIMONY AND THE ENJOYMENT YOU GET FROM A DAIRY QUEEN BLIZZARD?

(LAUGHTER) NOBODY WOULD MISTAKE THESE TWO THINGS.

WELL, ONE GUY MIGHT MISTAKE THEM.

>> I LOVE FRUIT SALAD!

>> THEN WHY DON'T YOU MARRY IT?

>> ALL RIGHT, THEN.

I WILL!

>> DO YOU, PEE-WEE HERMAN TAKE THIS FRUIT SALAD TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED W

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