Democalypse 2012 - Negate Expectations

  • Aired:  10/01/12
  •  | Views: 42,780

Americans look to the presidential debates not for coherent ideology, but for assurances the next president isn't going to be a weirdo who thinks he is better than them. (5:53)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO THE DAILY SHOW.

I AM JON STEWART.

WE HAVE ONE FOR YOU TONIGHT.

JOINING US FOR THE FIRST TIME, THE GOVERNATOR, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER WILL JOIN US ON THE PROGRAM.

I WONDER WHAT THAT MIGHT HAVE SOUNDED LIGHT, IT MIGHT HAVE GONE A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

>> TAXI?

>> I HAVE ZERO TO WORK ON THAT IMPRESSION.

>> THIS IS THE FIRST PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE IS WEDNESDAY, BIGGEST DAY OF THE WHOLE YEAR, FOR EDITORS OF

PODIUMS MAGAZINE.

BOY.

A BUYING MAKE OR BREAK MOMENT FOR BOTH CAMPAIGNS AND THEY ARE GOING ALL OUT PREPARING.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA AND GOVERNOR MITT ROMNEY ARE PREPARING FOR WEDNESDAY'S DEBATE ON IN DENVER.

>> MSNBC OBAMA'S LEAVING ON SUNDAY FOR TWO OR THREE DAYS OF DEBATE CAMP.

>> OH, DEBATE CAMP!

>> OH I REMEMBER GOING TO DEBATE CAMP, I REMEMBER LIKE NO SPORTS, A BITTER RIVAL, CAMP NORMAL MALFUN.

>> LET'S SEE IF I REMEMBER THE DEBATE CAMP STOPPING IF I CAN.

>> ON THE SHORES OF LAKE RHETORIC, WE PRACTICED LOGICAL CONSISTENCY.

WILL BEAT YOUR AD HOMINEM ATTACKS ON FALSE TAUTOLOGIES.

AND LOGICAL FALSIE.

>> NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE! GETTING YOUR ASS KICK IS ACTUALLY WRITTEN INTO THE SONG!

>> SO TWO HIGHLY ACCOMPLISHED MEN TO SEE WHICH ONE BECOMES THE MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE FREE WORLD.

>> ROMNEY HAS TO BE CHOMPING AT THE BITS.

>> BETH MYERS TELLS CAMPAIGN SURROGATES THERE ARE SEVERAL REASONS SHE BELIEVES THE PRESIDENT WILL BE LIKELY TO WIN

THE FIRST DEBATE.

>> HE HAS DONE THESE KIND OF DEBATES BEFORE, THIS IS MITT'S FIRST TIME ON THIS KIND OF A STAGE.

>> OH!

>> MAYBE HE IS MORE ON HOME AT THE VEGAS STAGE.

>> R RATED HYPNOTISTS OR TWO GAY GERMANS TRYING TO MAKE A WHITE TIGER DISAPPEAR.

>> MONKEY ON A BICYCLE.

WELL, IF IT IS MITT ROMNEY'S FIRST TIME AT THE RODEO, GOVERNOR OBAMA BELIEVES HE HAS AN ENORMOUS ADVANTAGE.

>> THE PRESIDENT IS GOING TO LOSE THE FIRST DEBATE.

>> HE IS JUST NOT A GREAT DEBATOR.

>> LOOK WHOSE FEELINGS ABOUT BARACK OBAMA CAME BACK, AND I GUESS WHAT HAPPENED IN CHARLOTTE STAYED IN CHARLOTTE.

>> WHEN AMERICAN MARKETS BROKE DOWN, WHO JUMP-STARTED OUR ENGINE! BARACK OBAMA! AND WHEN AMERICA NEEDED HIM MOST, WHO GOT

US ROLLING AGAIN ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY?

>> BARACK OBAMA!

>> LET ME ASK YOU THIS, PEOPLE, WHO COULDN'T GET LAID IN A WHORE HOUSE WITH A FIST FULL OF HUNDREDS? BARACK OBAMA!

>> THAT'S MY FAVORITE AM WAY PRESENTATION EVER.

>> ALL RIGHT, I GET IT TIME HONORED TRADITION TO ATTACH DOWN EXPECTATIONS TO MAKE A SLIGHT WIN.

>> HERE IS GREAT NEWS FOR REPUBLICANS, WE HAVE A CANDIDATE WHO IS GOING TO DO EXTRAORDINARILY WELL ON

WEDNESDAY NIGHT, OH (BLEEP) WE HAVE A RUNNER! WE HAVE A RUNNER!

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING, CHRISTI? APPARENTLY NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE DIDN'T GET THE

MEMO THAT ROMNEY SUCKS AT THIS.

>> I THINK YOU WILL SEE THE NUMBERS START TO MOVE RIGHT BACK IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.

>> IN WHOLE RACE WILL BE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN COME THURSDAY MORNING.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING, CHRISTI?

>> FOR GOD'S SAKE IF ROMNEY FAILS TO MEET THOSE HEAVY EXPECTATIONS HE WILL LOSE THE GENERAL ELECTION CREATING CHAOS

IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY AND LEAVE OUT 2016 -- OH!

>> THE JERSEY IS STRONG IN THIS ONE.

>> SO ALL THESE GUYS TO HAVE A MILD FAMILIARITY WITH THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND IT IS CONSIDERED A WIN.

CAN WE HEAR FROM SOMEONE NOT AFFILIATED WITH THE CAMPAIGNS, WHAT THEIR EXPECTATION MIGHT BE?

>> BOTH MEN HAVE A MONUMENTAL UNDERTAKING FOR THE FIRST DEBATE, ONE OF THEM HAS TO COME OFF AS NICER AND LESS AIR BEGAN

THAN HE REALLY IS AND THE OTHER HAS TO BE ZERO MORE NORMAL AND LESTRANGE THAN HE REALLY IS.

>> Jon: THEN HOW DID WE END UP WITH THESE TWO IDIOTS? LOOK, WE ARE NOT LOOKING FOR COHERENT IDEOLOGY, AMERICANS ARE JUST

LOOKING FOR ASSURANCE THE NEXT PRESIDENT ISN'T GOING TO BE A WEIRDO.

WHO THINKS SHE BETTER THAN US.

HOW EXACTLY WILL ROMNEY COUNTER THE IDEA THAT HE IS AWKWARD AND NOT NORMAL?

>> MR. ROMNEY'S TEAM CONCLUDED THE DEBATES ARE ABOUT CREATING MOMENTS, THE QUICK SERIES OF ZINGERS HE HAS MEMORIZED AND HAS

BEEN PRACTICING ON AIDES SINCE AUGUST.

>> Jon: THEY EQUIPPED HIM WITH ZINGERS.

>> AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THE BEST ZINGERS ARE TWO ONES YOU PRACTICE FOR TWO MONTHS.

>> A PRIEST AND A RABBI WALK INTO A BAR.

IT IS A BAR FOR HOMOSEXUALS.

THE PRIEST AND THE RABBI FALL IN LOVE AND GET MARRIED BECAUSE OF BARACK OBAMA! ZING!

>> I WILL TELL YOU THIS, PEOPLE.

I WOULD NOT (BLEEP) BARACK OBAMA'S ECONOMY WITH THE (BLEEP).

ZING!

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