Moneygall

  • Aired:  04/18/12
  •  | Views: 45,163

As the scandal broadens from one ostentatious weekend to systemic issues of corruption, the GSA faces the feared House Oversight Committee. (5:45)

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COMEDY CENTRAL

( THEME SONG PLAYING )

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW." MY NAME IS JON STEWART.

OH, BABY, THE SHOW WE'VE GOT FOR YOU TONIGHT.

MY GUEST TONIGHT, ECONOMIST ROBERT REICH.

WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT ECONOMIC... (MAKES MOTHER ISING OISE.S)N (LAUGHTER)

TWO DAYS AGO WE WERE DISCUSSING AN ISSUE CONCERNING THE GENERAL SERVICES ADMINISTRATION.

BASICALLY THE FACILITIES MANAGER OF THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT.

THEIR MISSION IS EXEMPLIFY EFFICIENCY AND COST-CUTTING, A TASK THEY FELT COULD BEST BE

EXPRESSED BY A LAVISH $2822,000 THREE-DAY LAS VEGAS CONFERENCE/EPIC (BLEEP) FEST.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) SINCE THEN SCANDAL HAS BROADENED OUT FROM ONE OSTENTATION NOT

LOST ENOUGH WEEK END TO APPARENTLY SYSTEMIC ISSUES OF CORRUPTION AND SO THE G.S.A.

MUST NOW FACE ONE OF THE MOST FEARED GROUPS IN ALL OF WASHINGTON.

THE HOUSE... DID IT REAR HAVE OR NO?

THE HOUSE OVERSIGHT COMMITTEE (BLEEP).

SOUNDS BETTER WHEN YOU... THE TERRIBLE COLLECTION OF PEOPLE WHO, BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD,

WOULD PROBABLY HAVE ENDED UP WORKING FOR AN ORGANIZATION LIKE THE G.S.A.

ALL RIGHT.

THERE WAS MUCH FOR THIS COMMITTEE TO BE CRANKY ABOUT.

>> THIS IS SOMEBODY WHO TOOK A CONVERSATION WITH A BUDGET OF $250,000 AND MADE IT OVER $800,000.

SPENT $75,000 ON A BIKE-BUILDING EXERCISE.

REBUILT A GRAND TOTAL OF 25 BICYCLES FOR $75,000.

(AUDIENCE REACTS).

>> Jon: WELL, NOW, I DON'T KNOW... THAT IS JUST $3000 PER FUTURISTIC ROCKET BIKE.

SO THAT'S NOT SO... OH, THEY WERE NOT ROCKET BIKES.

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, THAT'S...

>> $4 FOR BREAKFAST.

I'M A BIG MAN, I CAN'T SPENT $44 FOR BREAKFAST.

SOMEBODY HAD TO SAY THAT.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

>> Jon: SERIOUSLY.

I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL, I THROW DOWN LIKE A HORSE WITH A TAPEWORM.

I'M SITTING DOWN RIGHT NOW BUT IF I WAS TO STAND UP SOMEBODY WOULD BE LIKE HOLY (BLEEP), THAT

GUY ATE PAUL BUNYON.

I'M A BIG MAN!

(LAUGHTER) I WILL SAY THIS, $44 FOR BREAK TP *S FAST?

THAT'S A LOT UNLESS, I DON'T KNOW, YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY

IN WHICH CASE IT'S COFFEE, A MUFFIN TOP AND A SOMEWHAT SARCASTIC TIP.

(LAUGHTER) THE MAIN TARGET OF THE COMMITTEE'S WRATH, G.S.A.

CONFERENCE ORGANIZER JEFF NEELY,

SEEN HERE ENJOYING A DRINK IN HIS TAXPAYER-FUNDED WINDOW-MOUNTED BATHTUB OF THE FUTURE.

(LAUGHTER) OR, MORE ACCURATELY, TWO DRINKS.

SON OF A BITCH BOUGHT A DRINK FOR HIS DRINK.

(LAUGHTER) IF THAT'S NOT WASTEFUL SPENDING,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

OH, MY RED WINE LOOKS LONELY.

(LAUGHTER) I WHERE L SAY THIS: THIS IS A MAN READY FOR AN ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION AD.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) THAT'S A PERFECT SETUP.

SO THIS GUY PLANNED A SOMEWHAT EXOTIC RETREAT FOR A FELLOW GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE.

IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S ALSO ON A SERIES OF CRAZY BOONDOGGLES FLYING HIS WIFE AND HIMSELF TO

EXOTIC LOCALES.

>> TWO MONTHS AGO NEELY TOOK A 17-DAE JUNG DOTE THE PACIFIC AND IN AN E-MAIL TO HIS WIFE SAID

"GUESS THIS WILL BE YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT."

>> HE SAYS IT'S A BIRTHDAY GIFT FOR HIS WIFE.

THEY QUOTE THE SONG "IT'S YOUR PARTY, WE'RE GOING TO PARTY LIKE

IT'S YOUR PARTY." (LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: GENTLEMAN BY THE NAME OF HALF DOLLAR...

(LAUGHTER).

ALL RIGHT, HE'S NOT THE COOLEST GUY IN THE WORLD, LAUGH ALL YOU WANT.

BUT YOU CHANGE YOUR TUNE ONCE YOU THROW A FAT BEAT UNDER THOSE LYRICS.

♪ IT'S YOUR PARTY, WE'RE GONNA PARTY LIKE IT'S YOUR PARTY... ♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THEN THE MOMENT EVERYBODY WAS WAITING FOR THE SWORN TESTIMONY

AN ACTUAL ACCOUNTABILITY MOMENT.

THIS IS GOING TO BE SATISFYING.

>> MR. NEELY, DID YOU APPROVE THE FUNDING FOR THE 2010 WESTERN REGIONAL CONFERENCE?

>> MR. CHAIRMAN, ON THE ADVICE OF MY COUNCIL I RESPECTFULLY DECLINE TO ANSWER BASED UPON MY

FIFTH AMENDMENT CONSTITUTIONAL PRIVILEGE.

(AUDIENCE REACTS).

>> Jon: WE GOT PICTURES OF YOU IN A (BLEEP)ING TUB THROWING WINE ALL OVER THE PLACE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR FIFTH AMENDMENT.

WE GOT DRESS UP, SET UP YOUR YELLING MICS, GIVE US SOMETHING!

>> WHAT IS YOUR TITLE AT G.S.A.?

>> MR. CHAIRMAN, ON THE ADVICE OF COUNCIL I RESPECTFULLY DECLINE TOD...

(AUDIENCE REACTS).

>> Jon: IT'S YOUR JOB TITLE.

HOW COULD THAT INCRIMINATE YOU?

JUST YOUR... OH.

ALL RIGHT, WELL THAT'S... IS THIS GUY GONNA ADMIT ANYTHING?

MR. NEELY, DO YOUS REPRAEUT,

INHALE OXYGEN, EXHALE CARBON DIOXIDE?

>> ON THE ADVICE OF COUNCIL, I DECLINE TO ANSWER.

>> Jon: I'VE HAD EXPERIENCE DEALING WITH THESE FELLOWS BEFORE.

HERE'S HOW I HANDLE THESE REP ROE BAITS.

MR. NEELY, DID YOU KNOW PEOPLE WHO RESPECTFULLY DECLINE TO ANSWER ON THEIR ADVICE OF

COUNCIL EAT DOODY?

>> ON THE ADVICE OF COUNCIL I RESPECTFULLY DECLINE TO ANSWER.

>> Jon: BOOM.

THAT WILL TEACH A

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