James and the Giant Speech

  • Aired:  09/06/11
  •  | Views: 74,338

After Jimmy Hoffa Jr. warms up the crowd at a Labor Day rally, the Tea Party and conservatives suddenly develop an allergic reaction to violent rhetoric. (4:59)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Jon: HEY, WELCOME BACK!

OBVIOUSLY, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF

DIFFERENT STORIES FOR US TO

CHOOSE FROM ON OUR WAY BACK FROM

VACATION.

NO ONE IS GOING TO AGREE

SPECIFICALLY ON WHAT WE SHOULD

HAVE DONE HERE OR THERE.

BUT I BELIEVE WE WOULD BE REMISS

IF WE DIDN'T ADDRESS AN INCIDENT

THAT OCCURRED YESTERDAY AT A

LABOR DAY RALLY FOR THE

PRESIDENT.

TEAMSTERS UNION LEADER JAMES

HOFFA, JR.-- I'M SURE, NO

RELATION-- TOOK THE STAGE TO

WARM UP THE CROWD FOR THE

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

AS ONLY A FOREMAN CAN.

>> EVERYBODY HERE HAS GOT TO

VOTE.

IF WE GO BACK AND WE KEEP THE

EYE ON THE PRIZE, LET'S TAKE

THESE SON OF A BITCHES OUT AND

GIVE AMERICA BACK TO AMERICA

WHERE WE BELONG!

>> Jon: AND DON'T TOUCH MY

MICROPHONE (BLEEP) FACE, THAT'S

A UNION JOB!

(LAUGHTER)

SEEMS LIKE GOOD PEOPLE.

IF HOFFA'S GOAL...

(LAUGHTER).

IF HOFFA'S GOAL WAS TO GET

PEOPLE UP ON THEIR FEET AND

HOLLERING, HE SUCCEEDED.

>> THIS IS INCITING VIOLENCE.

IT IS CALLING TO TAKE US OUT.

WHAT EXACTLY DOES HE MEAN BY

TAKE US OUT.

>> THE PRESIDENT SHOULD

REPUDIATE IT.

>> WHERE IS USING THIS SORT OF

RHETORIC IN THE WHITE HOUSE IS

SILENT.

IT'S SHAMEFUL AND DISGUSTING.

>> I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD

LOVE TO HEAR A RESPONSE TO

TAKING SONS OF BITCHES OUT.

>> Jon: SHAME ON YOU!

SHAME ON YOU, JAMES HOFFA!

GRETCHEN CARLSON WAS SO UPSET

SHE LEFT HER PROM EARLY TO

REPORT ON THIS!

THAT IS NOT RIGHT!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

DENY THE PARTY.

OF COURSE YOU CAN SAY IT'S ODD

THAT THE TEA PARTY AND THE RIGHT

HAVE SUDDENLY DEVELOPED AN

ALLERGIC REACTION TO VIOLENT

RHETORIC SINCE THEY'VE SPENT THE

PAST COUPLE OF YEARS TALKING

LIKE THIS.

>> GET YOUR MUSKET TO FIX YOUR

BAYONET AND THE CHARGE IS TO THE

RIGHT.

>> Jon: TO BE FAIR, HE WAS

KEYNOTING THE BROKEN BAYONET

ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA.

BUT TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A

RIGHT, THUS POINTS OUT THE

INHERENT DIFFICULTY IN THE

PRESIDENT'S CALL TO TONE DOWN

POLITICAL RHETORIC AT RALLIES,

WHERE THERE IS ALWAYS A FINE

LINE TO SPUR PEOPLE TO GO

VOLUNTEER TO GO DOOR TO DOOR AND

PASS OUT POLITICAL PAMPHLETS AND

REVVING THEM UP WHERE THEY

BELIEVE THE ONLY OPTION IS THE

RIP OFF THE HEADS AND (BLEEP)

DOWN THE NECKS OF THOSE WHO

DISAGREE WITH THEM ON TRADE

POLICY ISSUES.

THE TRUTH IS, MOST RALLY

TECHNIQUES ARE LAME.

WITHOUT HYPERBOLIC METAPHORICAL

INCITEMENTS TO VIOLENCE YOU'RE

LEFT WITH A FEW OPTIONS.

>> TONIGHT WE SAY HELP IS ON THE

WAY AND HELP IS ON THE WAY!

AND HELP IS ON THE WAY!

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: I WILL LIFT THE

BENEFITS OF A 2% INCREASE IN THE

TOP MARGINAL TAX RATE AND THEN

YOU WILL RESPOND WITH SOME

VARIATION OF MY "HELP IS ON THE

WAY" PHRASE ESTABLISHING A

RHYTHMIC DYNAMISM WHICH WILL

PROPEL US TO... WHERE'S EVERY...

HELLO?

(LAUGHTER)

OR YOU COULD PUMP UP THE CROWD

AT A RALLY BY GETTING A

HIGH-PROFILE CELEBRITY TO REMIND

PEOPLE THAT MOST CANDIDATES HAVE

TWO NAMES.

>> I SAY HOWARD YOU SAY DEAN!

HOWARD...

>> DEAN!

>> HOWARD...

>> DEAN!

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: HOW DID HE LOSE?

(LAUGHTER)

ANYWAY, IT'S CLEAR THAT USING

INCENDIARY RHETORIC IS THE KEY

TO MOTIVATING YOUR POLITICAL

BASE.

BUT THE QUESTION BECOMES HOW TO

DO THAT WHILE STILL DISTANCING

YOURSELF FROM ANY RAMIFICATIONS

OF SAID INCENDIARY RHETORIC.

THIS IS WHY I GIVE YOU THE

POLITICAL RALLY WEAPON OF THE

FUTURE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I PRESENT

TO YOU MR. YUCKLES.

MR. YUCKLES IS...

(APPLAUSE).

HE'S THE LOVABLE SOCIOPATHIC

VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY WHO DRIVERS

YOUR BLOOD THIRSTY MESSAGE WHILE

YOUR HANDS STAY CLEAN.

LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT WORKS.

I NEED YOU ALL TO COME OUT AND

SUPPORT US ON ELECTION DAY.

>> WHERE IS SO WE CAN RUN OUR

OPPONENTS THROUGH A (BLEEP)ING

MEAT GRINDER!

(LAUGHTER)

LET'S TAKE OUR VOTES AND SHOVE

THEM UP THEIR ASSES SIDEWAYS!

LITERALLY!

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: MR. YUCKLES, THAT'S

NOT VERY NICE!

>> THEY'RE TRAITORS AND

TERRORISTS TO THE STATE AND THEY

DESERVE TO BE DROWNED LIKE A

SACK OF KITTENS.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Jon: MR. YUCKLES, I CAN'T

BELIEVE YOU'RE SAYING THESE

THINS ABOUT OUR POLITICAL

OPPONENTS THAT I WOULD NEVER SAY

OR EVEN THINK.

>> WHERE IS WHEN I SAY (BLEEP)

YOU SAY (BLEEP).

(LAUGHTER)

SKULL (BLEEP)!

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> WITH THEI

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