Screentastic Mr. Fox

  • Aired:  10/09/13
  •  | Views: 116,400

Shep Smith and Fox News fix the non-broken part of their newsgathering apparatus. (5:07)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Jon: WELCOME BACK.

YOU KNOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,WE'RE LUCKY ENOUGH, FORTUNATE

ENOUGH TO BE PRESENT AT THEDAWNING OF THE NEXT EVOLUTION OF

CABLE NEWS.

THIS IS THE NEW HUB FOR BREAKINGNEWS COVERAGE FOR ALL OF FOX

NEWS CHANNEL.

WE CALL IT THE FOX NEWS DECK.

[ LAUGHTER ]>> Jon: WELL, SHEP IT'S

CERTAINLY BRIGHT.

LOOKS LIKE YOU THREW ONE OFWALTER CRONKITE'S BONES INTO THE

ARCTIC AND A FORTRESS OFNEWSITUDE ERUPTED FROM THE

ICE. SOON YOU'LL BE TAKINGORDERS FROM A GIANT HEAD.

MY SON, YOU MUST GO LIVE AMONGSTTHE PEOPLE OF FOX THOUGH YOU ARE

NEVER FULLY ONE OF THEM BECAUSEYOUR SHOW IS ON IN THE AFTERNOON

WHEN YOU ARE MARGINALLY LESSIDEALOGICAL.

SHEP SMITH ONE OF THOSE PEOPLEAT FOX I LIKE VERY MUCH.

I THINK HE IS VERY GOOD.

I THINK I SHOULD GIVE HIM THEBENEFIT OF THE DOUBT EVEN IF HIS

NEW DIGS DO LOOK LIKE AN APPLEGENIUS BAR HAD AN ORGASM.

SPAWNING THE WORLD'S MOSTRIDICULOUSLY LARGE iPAD. DO

YOU KNOW HOW MAD THE GIANT YOUTOOK THOSE FROM IS GOING TO

BE?

FIRST HIS CREDIT CARD --[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT GUY IS LOSING ALL HIS STUFFTODAY.

WHAT MARVELS DOES THENEWS-ATARIUM BOAST BEYOND TOUCH

SCREENS.

THIS IS WHAT REMAINS OF TROPICALSTORM KAREN.

>> Jon: WOW.

THAT'S A BIG MAP.

YOU DO KNOW THAT NO MATTER HOWHUGE YOU BLOW UP YOUR MAPS AND

MONITORS FOR US OUR TELEVISIONSARE THE SAME SIZE BECAUSE WE

STILL HAVE THE SAME TVS WE HADLAST WEEK.

YOU COULD BE STANDING INFRONT OF AN IMAX BUT TO ME IT'S

COMING OUT OF A 32 INCH SAMSUNG.

>> OUR HOPE IS OVER THE DAYS ANDWEEKS OF MONTHS AND YEARS AHEAD

WE'RE ABLE TO VET MUCH OF THISFOR YOU.

>> Jon: SO IT'S ALL FORREPORTING

NOTHING THAT YOUSAID REALLY COULDN'T BE DONE

USING A PHONE.

[ LAUGHTER ]PAPER AND A PEN.

YOU DON'T GET TO BE BETTERNEWSMEN BECAUSE YOUR COMPUTERS

GO TO 11.

WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR NEWSEGMENT, HEY, FOX I THINK YOU

ARE FIXING THE NONBROKEN PART.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]THE PROBLEM AT FOX NEWS HAS

NEVER BEEN ITS SCREENS.

REMEMBER KARL ROVE'S WHITE BOARDOR GLENN BECK'S CHALK BOARD.

NO ONE EVER LOOKED AT THOSE GUYSAND THOUGHT THEY ARE (bleep)

CRAZY TO BE USING SUCHANTIQUATED TECHNOLOGY.

[ LAUGHTER ]THEY WERE JUST (bleep).

[LAUGHTER]BUT LISTEN, THIS NEW TECHNOLOGY

DOESN'T HAPPEN A VALUEDSKEPTICAL TO THE DETRIMENT OF

EDITORIAL JUDGMENT DOES IT?

>> WHAT IT ALLOWS ME TO DO ISSCROLL THROUGH THE MEDIA OF

THE DAY.

THIS IS A -- THIS HAPPENS TO BEA PALESTINIAN WOMAN WHO IS

HAVING A BEEF WITH AN ISRAELISOLDIER AND THIS

TONY ROMO LAST NIGHT 506YARDS PASSING AND MANAGED TO

LOSE.

THERE WAS A LATE PICK BUT WHAT AGAME.

>> Jon: TWO QUICK THINGS:TUPAC AND

BIGGIE HAD A BEEF.

THE PALESTINIAN ISRAELI CONFLICTIS MORE OF A BOTTOMLESS CUP OF

SADNESS.

WHILE THE COWBOYS LOSS ON SUNDAYMAY HAVE BEEN TRAGIC TO SOME, I

DON'T THINK THOSE PICTURESSHOULD BE NEXT TO EACH OTHER.

THIS IS WHY I'M WORRIED SHEPHERDSMITH, THIS IS WHAT WORRIES ME.

THE GIANT SCREENS ARE LITERALLYFLATTENING OUT THE NEWS.

SUDDENLY NOTHING HAS ANYDIFFERENCE OR CONTEXT.

CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT THEY'VE DONETO YOU?

YOU WERE TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR THEIRWORLD.

[ LAUGHTER ]SO THEY ARE DESTROYING YOU WITH

THE ONLY SURE FIRE WAY THEY KNOWTO RUIN A REAL NEWS MAN.

THEY PUT YOU IN A SITUATIONROOM.

SHEP YOU'VE BEEN CNNED YOURSTAFF HAS LOST ALL RESPECT FOR

YOU.

EVERY TIME YOU TURN YOUR BACKTHEY ARE PLAYING FRUIT NINJA.

YOU SEE THAT.

SUCH A WASTE OF TIME ANDDELICIOUS FRUIT.

DON'T SELL YOUR SOUL FOR BELLSAND WHISTLES, MY MAN.

>> HE IS HELD ON SUSPICION OFMANSLAUGHTER.

THAT IS THE LATEST WE'VE HEARD.

>> EIGHT PEOPLE DEAD AND DOZENSHURT.

HUTHESE THINGS ARE FUN TO WORKWITH AREN'T THEY?

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