GSA-holes - Can You Make Bill O'Reilly Pay $4.00 for a Shrimp?

  • Aired:  04/05/12
  •  | Views: 20,501

Bill O'Reilly makes a rash pronouncement in response to the General Services Administration's exorbitant conference spending, but can Jon change his mind? (4:04)

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: STILL THOUGH, I WAS SURPRISED BY THE DEGREE OF INTENSITY WITH WHICH ONE FOX

COMMENTATOR HAS SEIZED ON ONE PARTICULAR DETAIL.

>> $4 PER SHRIMP AT A COCKTAIL RECEPTION, FOUR BUCKS.

AT SHOPRIGHT, ONE SHRIMP WILL COST YOU 27 CENTS.

I WONDER WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN VEGAS.

SHRIMP ARE MARKED UP 1,381 PERCENT.

NOW I HAVE BEEN FORTUNATE IN MY LIFE AND CAN BUY PRETTY MUCH WHATEVER I WANT.

BUT STILL WHEN I WALK THAT A PLACE AND SEE AN OUTRAGE US PRICE TAG I WALK AWAY.

IT'S MY UPBRING.

I'M TO THE GOING TO PAY 4 BUCKS FOR A SHRIMP, EVER!

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: I WOULD RATHER STRANGLE A [BLEEP] PELICAN AND PULL A BEAK FULL OF

SHRIMP OUT AND EAT THEM FOR FREE THEN PAY FOR-- ACTUALLY,

WHILE SOME MIGHT HEAR THAT AS A DECLARATION OF PRINCIPLES, I SEE IT AS SOMETHING MORE.

I SEE IT AS A CHALLENGE.

JOIN ME NOW AS WE PLAY YOU CAN MAKE BILL O REILLY PAY $4 FOR A SHRIMP.

AT HOME ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS THIS, VERY SIMPLE.

ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS THIS ALL I INTO NEED TO PLAY THIS AT HOME IS A PLATE OF SHRIMP.

FOUR $1 BILLS, OH AND WE NEED BILL O'REILLY.

OH, THAT'S THE ONLY THING WE DON'T-- OH MY GOD!

BILL O'REILLY?

>>.

>> WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING ME,

STEWART, I'M NOT PAYING FOUR BUCKS FOR A SHRIMP.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, LET'S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES,

BILL.

THANKS FOR JOINING US.

YOU KNOW HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED.

LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT.

>> YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME.

>> Jon: NO, NO, NO, LISTEN HERE IS OUR FIRST SCENARIO YOU, BILL O'REILLY HAVE A

RARE MEDICAL CONDITION THAT REQUIRES THE CONSUMPTION OF AT LEAST ONE SHRIMP PER DAY.

THERE ARE TWO STORES IN TOWN,

ONE OF THEM PINHEADS ARE US SELLS SHRIMP FOR 27 CENTS BUT THEIR PROFIT GOES TO FUND THE ACLU.

THE OTHER PATRIOTS USA SELLS SHRIMP FOR $4 A SHRIMP, BUT DONATES ALL ITS PROCEEDS TO

A SHELL TER FOR FLAGS THAT HAVE BEEN DAMAGED IN FIRES.

(LAUGHTER) YOU NEED THE SHRIMP,

O'REILLY.

ONE ONE DO YOU BUY.

>> I'M NOT EATING THE SHRIMP,

I'M NOT BUYING THE SHRIMP, I WILL GIVE A DONATION FOR BILL O'REILLY.COM TO THE

FLAG PEOPLE.

NO SHRIMP RZ ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, WOULD YOU PAY $4 FOR A SHRIMP IF IT WERE WRAPPED

IN A $10 BILL NETTING YOU A PROFIT OF $6?

>> I WOULD STEAL THE $4 SHRIMP, AND THEN DONATE IT TO THE OCCUPY WALL STREET

FOLKS SO THEY KNOW WHAT THE 1%ERS EAT.

>> Jon: TRY THIS ONE.

>> I DON'T BUY IT.

>> Jon: ALIENS HAVE INVADED EARTH, AND HAVE USED SOME KIND OF SHRIMPIFYING RAY.

TURNING ALL OUR FOOD INTO SHRIMP AND AGAINST ALL ECONOMIC PRINCIPLES INSTEAD

OF CAUSING THE PRICE TO PLUMB AT THE TIME SOMEHOW RAISES THE PRICE-- TO $4 AND

YOU DISCOVER THERE IS AN EXHAUST PORT IN THEIR SPACE SHEEP THAT YOU CAN USE TO BLOW IT UP.

THE PORT IS THE SAME EXACT SIZE AND SHAPE OF A SHRIMP,

WOULD YOU BUY A $4 SHRIMP TO THROW INTO THE EXHAUST PORT AND SAVE THE PLANET.

>> NO.

(LAUGHTER)

>> ANY THAT ALLOWS $4 SHRIMP,

NOT WORTH SAVING.

>> Jon: THAT IS THE BENCHMARK.

LAST ONE.

A MAN COMES TO YOU WITH A TIME MACHINE.

THE INFORMATION THAT HE HAS IS THAT HITLER IS ALLERGIC TO SHRIMP.

ONLY $4 SHRIMP-- THAT'S THE BUZZER, I HAVE LOST.

BILL O'REILLY HAS HELD STRONG IN HIS REFUSAL TO PAY $4 FOR SHRIMP.

I SALUTE YOU, SIR.

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE AWE KNOWED ME WITH THIS.

>> Jon: WHAT?

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE AWE KNOWED ME WITH THIS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: APOLOGIZE T WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, SIR.

YOUR PRIZE WILL BE COMING TO YOU.

A $1,000 PAID IN THE FORM OF $250 SHRIMP-- 250 SHRIMP.

>> STEWART, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR SHRIMP.

>> Jon: FINE, ALL RIGHT.

BILL O'REILLY, EVERYBOD

Loading...